How Siblings Can Overcome Rivalry In A Family Business
Posted on October 16, 2017 by Angela Civitella, One of Thousands of Business Coaches on Noomii.
Where does one sibling shine most and what happens to the other when it comes to taking over a family business. A story about possibilities in family
“Are you because of me?
Am I me because of you?
The lines have long since blurred.
If, that is, they ever existed.” – Katherine Mariaca-Sullivan
This is a love letter to those who will, one day, discover who the heir apparent is in their own family. Past should not be prologue; the history in how heirs have been chosen to run family businesses should no longer be. The task of taking over should be shared and not divided. The strengths and weaknesses of each child can rise and shine in their own glory.
This is a most familiar and time-tested story. A family business is started, for years run by the founder who knows every detail in every crevasse that exists to make it work. Enter the children — who, after having spent many summers through their adolescent and college years working there, are tested and scrutinized in every way to determine their acumen in the business world. The moment of truth is upon them as they prepare to take their place in the business: Who is best suited to take over?
To further understand who is best qualified, they are given the same tasks and asked to handle them. Then for kicks, they are summoned in front of the patriarch to be told what the results are, as if facing the most daunting and frightening principal in school. What a revelation it would turn out to be.
This, of course, was how things were assessed in time gone by, when the only way to win was if you were the last one standing. In today’s terms, we understand that the essence of truly winning is done when a spirit of teamwork is instilled — that an unbeatable force is released when working in unison.
As early as can be done, siblings who know of their pending future should take control of dictating and steering how their relationship should function with one another and within the context of running a business together. They should focus on building their own sense of camaraderie, appreciation and obligation toward one another, therefore minimizing the impact of whatever predetermined expectations are bestowed onto them. From my humble and very personal experience, I would like to share some pearls of wisdom for future captains of industry in the making.
1. Respect and honor your sibling.
The same way we are taught in the privacy of our home how to treat our siblings, those lessons should be brought forth and remembered in the workplace. There is no winning in the world if you do not highlight that the best and better part of you is your family. Showcase that and mean it. It sets the tone for the business community at large as to the caliber of person you are and your moral code and values, thus making others believe that knowing you is worthwhile.
2. Develop your own brand of friendship.
Try in vain to develop a relationship outside of what the family protocol dictates. Get to know one another as people, thinkers and doers exposed to the world at large, with limitless opportunities you can explore together. Share experiences that cannot be penetrated by others. Participate in developing each other’s roadmaps without fear, doubt or judgment. Your mantra should always be “You are part of me.” If this what you show to the world, no one will dare divide you.
3. Recognize each other’s strengths while encouraging your differences.
All too often, we want what the other has and question, “Why not me?” This is the inner child wound that just never seems to go away, no matter how many years go by. This is also where a wise and well-intentioned relationship can open the dialogue to your differences and make it OK and normal that they exist, rather than hide and suppress them, causing a feeling of being “less than” the other. “Different” does not equate to being weak or not as good. It means that your strengths are better served elsewhere. Hopefully, you can help each other find where you best fit is and be fine with it, rather than always looking over to the other side.
4. Relish in each other’s success.
Sustain, encourage and promote whatever you are each successful at doing. If one is a better initiator of dreams and the other is a facilitator of them, then there is cause for joy, as you both need to begin and end together to achieve. That is the most perfect collaboration you can hope for. It also liberates you to function at a high level when not saddled with not knowing what your place is and what your highest and best self is supposed to be doing.
The trajectory of one’s life is determined by all the decisions that are made along the way. Allow yourself to be ever mindful that siblings have the power to either be friend or foe, allies or enemies. Sometimes, the choice is out of one’s hands. But most often, we determine what that portrait will look like. Choose wisely, choose family, and choose the desire to be happy rather than to be right. For in the end, it’s just different degrees of loss and grief that remain.
