Deep Within...I See You!

Posted on August 09, 2017 by Dashta Faro Zarrabi, One of Thousands of Spirituality Coaches on Noomii.

I took a pen to write the words that would describe the feelings I know you are going through. I then realized that there are no words to adequately describe your experience. So, I allowed my pen to dance over the paper and I let it find the appropriate words it thinks, will sooth your soul. The words that follow are what resulted:

I do not know where you are at this moment. But I will attempt to describe to you my experiences as I have lived the past 29 years with a son confined to a wheelchair.

Our son Dariush, was born on November 9, 1985. I witnessed his birth and quickly noticed a hole in his back. Not knowing what it was, I pointed it out to the doctor. A name was given to the condition, that Dariush had Spina Bifida. All those around him began to refer to him as the boy with Spina Bifida. We all saw him with his limitations and our lives went on this way for a long time. Along the way his limitations became ours. It created anger, sympathy, unhappiness and helplessness.

I tried many times to find ways to comfort and ease his life, making sure I was there when he needed me. In the process of giving care to my son, I have learned that I am changing as a father and as a person that acts as a father. Deep down I wanted him to act and behave as I do. I wanted him to grow to be a normal adult. I wanted him to be the person I pictured him being. The more I wanted to be in control of his life and the situation, the more pain I felt within my heart. Feeling pain and suffering caused me to understand, that the feeling of not being in control, was allowing me to recognize my own limitations.

Acknowledging my limitation brought more pain and suffering, as I did not like myself as a person that was limited. The more I looked at him as a person with a disability, the more I saw the disability within myself. I wanted him to be me and he showed me that…I am actually him.

This went on for many years. Until finally, I realized that I was not the one that was taking care of him but that he, was the one taking care of me. I slowly started to change the way I was looking at my son and wished that I could meet him in a place where I could speak with him without looking at the limitations that we had both been labeled with.

One day while I was caring for him, I took the opportunity to look deep into his eyes and I became aware of something I had not noticed before. I saw him there, deep within the garment that he was wearing. He looked into my eyes and he met me in the garment that I was wearing. For the first time I saw the essence that lives within the garment that we called, Dariush with Spina Bifida and many other labels. For so many years, I had seen my son as a label and the names that were given to him. I had judged, behaved and understood him based on the words that we created to describe him…as we saw him.

Now, I was looking into his eyes for the first time and I could not name or label him as anything. This was my opportunity to introduce myself, for the first time, to the essence that had been held captive in the garment that he wears. From then on…I began speaking, interacting and living with his essence and life, could not be any better.

My son’s behaviour has also changed tremendously, since he understands that I am seeing him as he truly is and not as he appears. He has told me many times that, “I am not my body and I am not my limitations. I am a soul that is here to experience through this body.”
I cannot suggest any particular way for you to treat your child or interact with him. I am not you and the experiences you are going through will not be the same that I went through. All I can tell you is what I have learned and what my son has taught me about the purpose of his being in my life.

Once I removed the thought of him being handicapped and confined to a wheelchair. Once I started having a relationship with his soul, only then, did I feel free from the pain and suffering that I thought I was going through. The pain and suffering was caused by my thoughts and were only a mental block that prevented me from seeing the reality of life and the purpose of this experience that we continue to share. I have learned from my son that we are not the garments that we wear but we are the essence that is living life and enjoying every moment of this existence that we call life.

Occasionally, I look at his deformed body and I feel sad. But once my eyes gaze into his eyes, I forget about any thoughts of sympathy that I have towards him. I have learned that I have to live in the moment and those moments that I spend with him, I want to make as precious as possible.

I no longer think of what brought him or us to this point or what the future looks like. Tomorrow, or ten years from now, all that matters is this moment and it is in the moments where I am holding his hands, touching his feet and kissing his face, that I communicate with him through his essence and we both understand each other, when we are in those moments.

I cannot have sympathy towards what you are going through, as I now know (from my experience) that you have been chosen to be in this place, at this time. You may not yet know it or believe it. I could go further and congratulate you, for being brave enough to want to be in this place. Your son is your teacher and you are the one that is learning. You are there for each other, in order to live this life and to love all the experiences and accept every event that happens in this life.

Allow your pain and the suffering you are going through to manifest itself without trying to control or bottle up all the feelings you are having, in every moment. Surrender, to the moment and do not let the moment and the situation take control over how you are feeling. Our feelings, if not controlled but are accepted and loved by us, will not grow to a size that we are no longer able to handle.

Share your thoughts with those who can understand the experience you are having and reach out to those that are willing to help. If there is a need for you to speak or to communicate, I am willing to be there, just as an ear to listen to what you need to say. I know deep down, that you know all this and that is why I am not giving any advice as to what you should do. Your path to your journey must be defined and understood only by you. But I am here, as a signpost, only for direction as to where you are going. Feel free to reach out and allow me to be a servant to your needs.

With much love…Be Focused and Believe!!!!

DASHTA…Mar/15- Copyright © 2015 ThinkBFAB. All rights reserved.