The Ride : How to take the reins and guide your life past obstacles

Posted on January 25, 2011 by Tina Layne, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

The Ride
How to take the reins and guide your life past obstacles

I am an equestrian rider, and two weeks ago, I took an impressive and graceful tumble from my partner in crime, Steele. “Impressive” and “graceful” are the words used by my friends who were in the arena with me. I certainly felt anything but graceful, although my resounding crash into the arena wall was most definitely impressive. Steele didn’t mean to buck me off, and he felt very ashamed and worried in the aftermath. I tried to comfort him once I was back on my feet, but it’s hard to comfort any creature when your own emotions are scattered. The only answer was to get back on and ride. I didn’t want to because I was hurting – badly, but I had to for Steele’s benefit. He needed to be reassured that everything was okay, and the only way that was happening was to go back to work with his rider.

Steele is a good guy. He is a tall, white thoroughbred with a full resume. In his younger years, he was a jumper, he performed dressage, and he even knew some Western reining. Now that he is an old gentleman, I occasionally ride him, but mostly his calling is to work with the experiential learning groups. Some of the program kids affectionately call him “Grandpa”. I saw a wall plaque a few days ago that read, “Horses are afraid of two things: Things that move, and Things that don’t.” The plaque needed a picture of Grandpa to complete it.

Steele and I were transitioning into a canter when a tiny mouse popped up out of one hole, ran along the wall, and disappeared down into another hole. I didn’t see the little fluff ball, but Steele saw it. I learned what it was only after I was laying in the frozen dirt asking, “What happened?” My friend saw it pop up at the same time Steele saw it, and she was able to fill in the blanks for me.

Horses physically see things much larger than they really are, so to him, that mouse was beagle-sized, and it startled him. He spooked, slipped in the mud, and the only way to keep his balance was to buck. Bucking is a great way to gain your balance, but it’s not so fun for your rider if she is unprepared for it.

Falls happen for many reasons. In my case, I got cocky and became unfocused, unbalanced, and let my reins go slack. I had no control of the ride, and I did not support my partner. Until I saw that plaque, I really didn’t think beyond this equitation aspect of what I could have done to stay in the saddle and support Steele past the beagle-mouse.

Two things happened when I saw the plaque. First, I laughed aloud and thought I should buy it just to hang on the outside of Steele’s stall. Then, I had an epiphany. How many times have we heard the saying “someone made a mountain out of a molehill?” How many times have we been that someone? Moreover, how many times have we let go of our life’s reins?

People do not physically see objects the way a horse does, but we most definitely see our mouse-sized stresses and day-to-day problems as giant beagle-mice. What do we do? We react. The result for people is the same as for the horse and his rider. When we allow small problems to look like huge problems, fear sets in and reaction is automatic. When we react, we are unbalanced and we lose our rider – our peace, our self, our happiness, etc. We might even throw it into a wall with a resounding crash.

So, what is the best way to avoid those reactions and falls?

1. Be aware of your path.
What does your daily life look like? What is there lurking under the path that might pop up? When you recognize what could be, you can find ways to avoid it before you get to it. This does not mean to look for trouble lurking around every corner. It means to be aware of normal day-to-day things that irritate us, overwhelm us, stress us out, or generally make us less content with our lives. Perhaps your commute to work is full of stress and potential road rage. What optional routes could you take? What type of drive would you have if you left earlier to beat that traffic? Your neighbor is not as polite as you would like. What would happen if you were to smile and say hello every time you saw them before they had the chance to sneer or complain?

2. Actively guide your life.
Is your life running down the lane with you just grabbing on for fear of falling? On the other hand, are you an active partner in your life journey? If you just sit back and allow what happens to happen, you and Life are not collaborating. That is not to say you need to be controlling. That does not work, either. Take your life’s reins in a firm but gentle handshake and do not let go. What is your bliss? How can you achieve that? What do you tolerate? What bothers you but you still allow? What changes can you make that will allow Life to walk with you in the direction you are choosing?

3. Balance.
When a child learns to walk, she spends a good deal of time on her toes pitched forward and off balance. If you ever see the yoga posture, Mountain Pose, you will notice the yogi grounded through his feet with his spine in. He can stand for great lengths of time in this pose without tiring because he is perfectly in balance. What does your life look like to you? Are you pitching forward like a toddler just learning to walk? Are you balanced and straight like the yogi? What has unbalanced you? Find the answer(s) to this question and you can start making (and attaining) goals that align with your visions.

4. Do not fear falling.
My favorite riding phrase is, “If you ride for fun, you’re going to fall. If you ride in fear, you’re going to fall. So… you might as well ride for fun!” What makes you fearful? How does that fear push you towards a fall? Obstacles happen in life, and there’s only so much we can do to avoid them no matter our awareness, how actively we are guiding our life, or how balanced we’ve become. Simply put, there are things in life we cannot control. However, using those three abilities – awareness, guidance, and balance – will lessen the obstacles’ appearance to us (making it true-to-size rather than oversized) and help us stay in our saddle.