Life Coaching 3 - Develop A Compelling Vision Of Your Future

Posted on May 26, 2017 by Creed Branson, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

PART THREE

Your Personal Effectiveness

There is a direct correlation to one’s effectiveness and one’s well being. Wouldn’t it feel great if you felt like your life was balanced? Looking at our past and current reality were addressed in previous articles. Addressing the future and making change comes down to a decision you must make and it all boils down to mental strength.

Make no mistake this is not easy. It is not easy because abundant life includes trouble. We will be hurt and we will inflict pain on others. We will experience sadness, anger, fear shame and guilt. All of these feelings move us to something greater. We find gladness when we accept our past, know our current identity and lastly have a compelling vision of who we want to become.

Find an Emotional Connection

Great news – 1 in 8 New Year’s Resolutions work out! The bad news: 88% of all resolutions fail.

Most of us assume that self-control is largely a character issue, and we would follow through on our New Year’s resolutions if only we had a bit more discipline. But recent research suggests that willpower itself is inherently limited, and that our January promises fail in large part because the brain wasn’t built for success.

All of us have experienced some degree of success when resolving to make change. The right motivation – we accomplish more. We can overcome our difficulties. We do the hard work, and have some faith that we can. It is the small action with associated small wins that lead to success. Failure comes when we attempt to take shortcuts or do too much too quickly. Frankly, I think we prefer to rationalize and blame something beyond our control. The opening article for example, “the brain wasn’t built for success.” Taking responsibility is the first action that will provide the right motivation.

To make real change we need to have a clear idea of our current behavior, and a compelling vision of our desired future. In other words we need self awareness or someone willing to speak into our life with truth peppered with grace. You can’t learn this stuff from a book. It is on the job training.

Leadership Development Begins With Personal Development

I can almost predict to the person who will and who will not embrace their plans. How do I know this? Your work needs to be connected to your passion. This is all about having an emotional connection to the development plan.

The emotional connection must be tied to life goals; a vision of your desired daily activity, where you want to live, who is there, etc. As important are solutions to how you want to work; as an entrepreneur, employee, freelancer.

Life Goals

1. What ideas/values drive you emotionally?
2. What group of people do you want to help?
3. How do you want to change the world? Your community?
4. What do you want to create?
5. What makes you unique?
6. What are you afraid of?

Create Something

You are most alive when you are creating something and celebrating that creation. We see this in the first 25 verses of the bible. God creates the heavens and the earth. He creates the first day and He says it is good. He creates man and He says this is very good. And in the 26th verse God says, “Let us make man in our image.” We know at least two things about God at this point. You guessed it. He creates and He celebrates.

Obstacles to Growth

Ask your self what you fear and what is keeping you from making significant change? There are two things that drive our time and energy:

1. Driving forces
2. Restraining forces

Think of this as a car. There is an accelerator and a brake. Attempting to drive your car with both the accelerator and brake pressed will eventually tear up your car. The fastest way to get the car moving is to take your foot off the brake. We have all experienced bad stuff. These things have prepared you to be kinder or smarter. Many times these difficult times lead us to how we want to help others.

Your driving forces are connected to your passion. These are the things that get you out of bed every morning. These are your core values or the why you do things.

Restraining factors are anything that keeps you from taking action.

Vision

Choose a date 3-5 years into the future. Answer the previously written “Life Goals" questions. The more clarity you have on your vision the greater your chances of it becoming a reality. Next, answer these questions:

1. What is my vision/mission?
2. What roles do I find most fulfilling?
3. What goals are attached to these roles?
4. What priorities are attached to the goals?
5. What am I going to do today that will lead me to my desired future?
6. What three bold steps must I take to make my vision a reality?

Life Plan

Many people can process all the activities previously listed. Others need help. In fact, I would say that all of us need help if we want to expedite the process. This is where a life coach can help. A life plan is a complete review of your past, present and future. The plan addresses your identity and the voice with which you’ve been following. The plan then works through the process of clearly identifying your current state or reality.

Once an emotional connection is coupled with a good plan we must make three resolutions.

Covey’s Three Universal Resolutions

First, to overcome the restraining forces of appetites and passions, I resolve to exercise self-discipline and self-denial. Whenever we over-indulge physical appetites and passions, we impair our mental processes and judgments as well as our social relationships.

Second, to overcome the restraining forces of pride and pretension, I resolve to work on character and competence.

Third, to overcome the restraining forces of unbridled aspiration and ambition, I resolve to dedicate my talents and resources to noble purposes and to provide service to others. Franklin Covey Library & Resources

These resolutions are as old as time, and they were documented in the New Testament Book of Luke.

Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, left the Jordan and was led by the Spirit into the wilderness, where for forty days he was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing during those days, and at the end of them he was hungry. The devil said to him, “If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread.” vv. 4.3, 4 Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone.’”

The devil led him up to a high place and showed him in an instant all the kingdoms of the world. And he said to him, “I will give you all their authority and splendor; it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to. If you worship me, it will all be yours.” Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God and serve him only.’” vv. 4.5-8

The devil led him to Jerusalem and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down from here.” For it is written: “He will command his angels concerning you to guard you carefully; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.” Jesus answered, “It is said: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’” vv. 4.9-12

Three Observations

1. Appetite: Jesus was tempted to eat. This is the lie that we should have more. “I’ll never have enough.” We desire to be satiated. The opposite of satiation is fear and the desire for more. Luke made this point in verses 3 and 4. This correlates to Covey’s first restraining force: appetites and passions.

2. Ambition: Jesus was tempted to step into glory through a shortcut. This is the lie that we should do more. “I’ll never accomplish enough.” We desire to live in our strengths. The opposite of strength is weakness and guilt. Luke observed this in verses 4-9. This correlates to Covey’s third restraining force: unbridled aspiration and ambition.

3. Approval: Jesus was tempted to compare. Pride is comparing self to others. This is the lie that we should be more. “I’ll never be enough.” We long to be accepted. The opposite of approval is shame and rejection. Luke made this point in verses 9-12. This correlates to Covey’s second restraining force: pride and pretension. Dave Rhodes, Life Drifts

We are tempted in the same way Jesus was tempted. Why would it be any different for you? The solution isn’t to try to do more of the same but rather to try something new. The solution is to resolve to make change. Recognize how and when you are tempted and avoid those circumstances. Take small steps. Accept small wins and turn those into greater success. Develop a plan. Find the right motivation. Find some accountability. And, stop blaming others for your mis-steps.

Does Your Usefulness Determine Your Success?

Equating our value to our usefulness can never lead to satisfaction. And equally as this, our value is not based on others’ opinions. Many fall victim to the performance trap. In other words, they believe their success is determined by the opinions of others and their performance. Living consistently with your core values determines your happiness. If you value adventure but work 70 hours per week you are living inconsistently.

If we bring this question back to core values then we should endeavor to understand the 4 or 5 values that resonate the most with us. Living consistently with these values is the recipe for peace and fulfillment.
Want personal fulfillment? Discover your core values!

Assuming you’ve spent time answering all the questions up to this point, you now have a good idea of the things that that drive you emotionally and you’ve linked those emotions to a solid plan. You have a vision of your future, know the things that are going to distract you and have resolved to make change.

Will I Be Happy If I Have A Plan?

Only if you liike plans. A good plan is one you will execute. The best plans begin with identifying the things that will lead you to success. Apply the Pareto Principle or the 80/20 rule. The critical few. The critical success factors. A catalyst for change occurs when our future pain is less than our current pain. Determining what not to do is as important what to do.

The Key to Abundant Life

Want an abundant life? Wide is the path that leads to destruction. Narrow is the path that leads to life. When I lived in Missouri I did my share of hunting; birds (quail and pheasant), rabbits, turkey and deer. Hunting deer and specifically big bucks requires some skill. These male deer will allow the smaller inexperienced deer and the does to take the point when moving. These guys aren’t dumb. If there is going to be venison on the table they don’t want any part of it. The bucks will also take a more difficult path than the does take. So an experienced hunter will find the wide path but won’t stop there. To bag the buck, the hunter will locate the narrow path. Bucks know the narrow path leads to life.

The Principle

My point is this principle can be applied to other aspects of life. I’ve applied this concept to my coaching practice. Usually, someone doesn’t like something about their behavior but haven’t been able to change. They are looking for an abundant life. The problem is they keep trying to solve the problem using methods learned long ago. All of us model what we’ve seen from our parents, teachers, clergy and other mentors. Seeing their actions show up in our own behavior is an important awareness. These bahaviors show up in our actions in the form limiting beliefs, assumptions and interpretations is critical.

The problem is we choose to model what we see. We turn this behavior into a habit and, in the absence of new learning, we keep making the same choices. These choices become habits. Neural pathways are created like the doe trail. It’s easy to travel. It gets beaten down. Poor behavior long enough leads to destruction.

Not Self-Help

There are even self help books, many of which I am a fan, that direct you to greater effectiveness. But until you identify your core essence you will only be living up to the expectation others have created for you.

How do I know this? Because I lived it, and no one knows me better than me except my Maker. For many of us we don’t discover our core essence until we are at mid-life. Some call this a mid-life crisis. This is the time when we realize there is the giant hole of dissatisfaction in our self. This is when we dread going into work on something that seems pointless. This when we realize there is a giant hole of unmet passion. Or perhaps our stress levels are off the chart because our work is no longer fulfilling.

If you want to bag the big buck take the narrow path. As you walk that path the neural pathway will get wider and easier. It isn’t always easy but the reward is great for those willing to blaze the trail.

What one thing can you do tomorrow that will get you to your desired future?

Decide To Make A Transition

We spend our early life making a name for ourselves; to win a place in society. We go to college, get married and have children. We abandon some of the things we loved to do as children.

Grandma Moses loved to paint as a child. She grew up the daughter of a farmer. She married a farmer. Her job became that of a farmer’s wife and mother. Her husband died and while visiting her past, she realized she loved to paint as a child. At age 78 she quickly became a world renowned folk artist.

Your transition isn’t much different than Grandma Moses. You may not be 78 years old but transitions occur whether we like them or not. Perhaps you’ve done your duty all your life. Now you are seeking to understand why you are no longer satisfied. Your journey can be difficult or you could get the help of a life coach.

I was lucky in my journey. I read the right books. I identified the things from my past that caused me to fail. I identified my core values, wrote a mission statement and developed a plan. The most import thing I did was stick to my plan. And I had a number of coaches who helped me along the way.

My journey didn’t end there. I became very successful as a leader. My next transition occurred when I became a Christian. I would later go back to school to be trained as a minister. Before ending my last position as a Chief Operating Officer, I started the journey of becoming a Professional Coach. That is more than two years ago as of the date of this writing.

Want Joy? Thank Someone Special Today

As Karen and I sat at the kitchen table a few days following 911, we pondered all we might learn from this horrific event. We decided to make a list of the things we were thankful for. On my list was my Fifth Grade Teacher, Mr. Trantum. My first workbook describes how fond I am of him. Karen asked me if I ever thanked him. I phoned him immediately and much to my surprise he remembered me. We sent Mr. Trantum a gift basket for Christmas that same year. Below is his thank you note:

December 27, 2001

Dear Creed and Karen,

Thank you both for the lovely Harry and David gift box of delicious fruit (pears) and candy and nuts. Wow, what a beautiful gift!

Creed, I was thrilled to also receive the photographs. Yes, the earlier picture of yourself was when you were in my classroom…and even that shirt I remember. I don’t remember all my former students, but I do remember you well. You were one of my favorite people and the photo you sent is exactly how I pictured you in my mind’s eye. You were always well behaved and never gave me any difficulty. Let me explain that I’m going to get a duel picture frame and put each picture in each side. Then place them on my fireplace mantle. You represent all my former students, which is especially fitting since I just retired. I want you to know also that your phone call in November was truly a blessing for me! Someday soon I hope we can meet in person. Have a Happy and Prosperous New Year! Please keep in touch.

Your friend,

David Trantum

So what’s the point you say. Who do you need to call and simply say thank you? About two months ago I called my cousin Chuck. He died one week later. Heart failure.

About 15 years ago I told Karen I should call Bill and Connie. I said that for 3-4 days straight and never called. That same week on Saturday a mutual friend called and told me Bill and Connie died in a plane crash.

Who received the blessing of my call to Mr. Trantum? The call to Chuck? And even by not calling Bill and Connie I learned the value of simply picking up a telephone and saying thank you. “Your friendship means a lot to me.”

If you’re trying to find joy in your life, start by finding reasons to be thankful. Start by calling people you love. I regularly ask clients if they’ve followed this example. How about you? Who do you need to call?

Become A Life Long Learner – Find Lessons Everywhere!

When I was 15 years old I bought my first car. I didn’t have my drivers license, but from a very young age I knew I wanted something fast. I was walking home from the Kokomo Tribune press room where I had just paid my dues for my paper route. I must have also gone to the bank because I had about $200 in my pocket, and in 1972 $200 was still $200.

As I walked home I saw a 1965 Mustang for sale for $250. I knocked on the door and the negotiations began. The Mustang was a 289 Hi-Po with a 4-speed transmission. I offered the owner $200 and he took it.

The car wouldn’t start. He popped the hood and couldn’t find the problem. He looked but he didn’t see. He took off the air filter cover for the carburetor. He fiddled around but couldn’t find the problem. I rebuilt a lawnmower engine once before so I knew a little about engines. I looked under the hood of the car to see if everything was in order. There was a wire attached to the top of a round black thing with wires coming out of it, and one of the wire wasn’t connected to anything. I connected the wire to something and it fit. I tried to start it again but it still wouldn’t start. The car wreaked of gasoline. It wouldn’t start with my foot off the pedal nor while pumping the accelerator so I decided to do the opposite; press the pedal all the way to the floor. After a few turns of the engine it started! Had it not started a call to a mechanic would have been in order, and I may not have purchased the car.

What lessons do we learn from this story?

1. Being at the right place at the right time matters
2. You have not because you ask not
3. Our perspective matters
4. We look but we don’t see
5. We provide a solution to a problem that doesn’t exist
6. Sometimes we just need to do something
7. There are elements of order. We simply need to expose them
8. We are sometimes too close to see the problem
9. Clarity is found in taking in information and organizing the data
10. Sometimes we need another point of view

Clarity is a funny thing. Just when you think you’ve found it, chaos enters the picture. The tiniest thing can alter your entire sense of order. At other times, clarity is too close to comprehend. We can’t see the hickory in an oak grove.

In my first free workbook I address the Law of Proximity and how you can have victory over your past. The Law of Proximity is an organizational principle that states,

“Stimuli which are physically or temporarily proximate will be perceived as belonging together in a group.” Gale Research International Ltd, Jennifer Bothamley, 1993

In other words, your mind endeavors to bring order from chaos. Sometimes an actual connection exists, sometimes not. When presented with such chaos, the key is to understand if the parts belong together. In the story there was one wire out of place, however, all 10 points were part of the solution. Of course I now know the distributor cap center wire wasn’t attached to the ignition coil.
How about your life? Is everything in place? Are you able to see what’s missing? Do you desire something but are trapped in fear? Do you have the right perspective? I

Measure Yourself Against Someone You Really Admire

I met Dick Vitale in 1999 while working as a regional VP of operations for a large pizza company. He signed a basketball for me and I spent the day with him. He was doing a charity event for the V Foundation. We met because my wife died from her bout with breast cancer several months before. Diane was a trooper right up to the end. I was a wreck. Many people tried to help me, but I sank into depression and bitterness, and considered ending it all myself more than a few times. There were others who contributed, but meeting Mr. Vitale and the Volvano family was one of the turning points in my journey back to real life. The thing I noticed most about Dick is his love of life and his excitement helping people overcome difficult struggles. Do you know Dick’s famous saying?

“Awesome Baby!”

1999 seems like an eternity ago. I’ve made one career change into vocational ministry and one as a professional coach. If there is one thing I’ve learned we have the ability to improve our circumstances and forge ahead. With the right motivation and plan we can achieve almost anything we set our sights on.

Dick was with the Volvano family who had lost their beloved Jimmy in 1993. Jim was the basketball coach for North Carolina State and led the team to the NCAA championship in 1983. Jimmy was also ACC Coach of the year twice. Dick Vitale introduced him as the first recipient of the Arthur Ash award. You can watch the now famous speech on Youtube.

Jimmy and Dick started the V Foundation and this is why I met Dick and the Volvano family. We met in Denver, Colorado doing a celebrity event. I would later watch the 1993 video and realize that life is to be lived. Our problem sometimes is we have our priorities all messed up.

So as Jimmy would say, “Troubles and even cancer may affect your life but it should never affect your heart, mind or soul! Don’t Give Up. Don’t Ever Give UP!”

I’ve been able to move beyond my circumstances with the help of Karen, my wife these past 17 years. We’ve been through many things and are looking forward to using our experiences to help others. My life experiences and coach training make me a unique person to help you make the small or large decisions in life that will lead you to an abundant life. A life of joy and adventure await you. Are you ready to grab it? Are you prepared to do what is necessary to achieve it? What has to happen to you before you get focused? Are you waiting for a tragedy? A catastrophe awaits us all. Why not begin now?