Emotions as a Road Map to Intuition

Posted on January 01, 2010 by Annie Gelfand, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

Emotions as a Road Map to Intuition**
Navigating the skillful relationship between our emotional mind and rational mind – Five tips to developing a skill set to help any human being self manage.

By Annie Gelfand, MBA, CPCC, PCC
Certified Professional Executive, Team, Leadership & Life Coach

Emotional intelligence is about the skillful relationship between our emotional mind and rational mind.

I remember in coach certification training, Laura Whitworth exclaimed, “Just because you are having an emotion does not mean you need therapy!”. Dealing with our emotions can be fraught with all sorts of landmines if we lack the emotional intelligence to deal with it.

EQ specialists state that emotions drive behavior. We feel before we think. I have noticed that emotions are red flags for issues that want my attention. Ignored, they have this annoying way of activating over and over again until I am willing to acknowledge them and investigate the underlying issues that activated them in the first place. The emotionally healthy way is to acknowledge the feeling, figure out the intuition underlying the feeling (which is what the feeling is trying to alert you to, since intuition resides in the emotional brain, the amygdala) and respond with the rational mind (the neo cortex).

But what happens when you get caught up in your emotions and the rational mind is nowhere to be found? We call that a “false self takeover”. It happens to the best of us. Perhaps you are having a conversation with someone. It might be something they said, or perhaps it’s a look on their face. Real or imagined, suddenly, without warning, you have a reaction that you feel like you cannot control. Your heart starts racing and you are absolutely NOT listening to a word that person is saying. Instead, you have been taken hostage by a part of you, perhaps an inner critic part, who now has your captive attention by repeating how you’re not good enough, how you are sure to fail, or any other permutation of self critical negativity. “What rational mind?”, your inner critic shrieks at you. This state is called an emotional hijack. Emotional hijacking is a term coined by EQ author and specialist, Daniel Goleman.

Others say needs drive emotions. We need before we feel. “False self takeover” is when a part of you takes you over and your “True Self” or rational mind is offline. It is only in being able to observe that you are in a state of hijack, that you have the opportunity to disengage. In observing, you have the opportunity to sort through the voices of these false selves, to listen to what they have to say to you, to investigate the underlying needs and finally, to negotiation terms with them that are more productive for you. All false self parts want is for you to listen to them and to protect you. They are just sadly misguided in how to do so effectively. When you listen to what they want you to know, you have the opportunity to peel the layers back to your “True Self” and disengage the emotional triggers. It is said that if you want a different outcome, you have to do something different. Disengaging emotional triggers allows you to reconnect with the rational brain.

Even in this day and age, the word emotion is often linked with some kind of hysterical, out of control over reaction. As an executive coach, specializing in making the work place more soul-filled, I boldly talk about the importance and role of emotions with my corporate clients. Until recently, emotion has been a dirty word in the corporate world. These days, we are using emotions and intuition as tour guides to help our clients go deeper. For most of us, the two are intimately linked. When we learn how to interpret our emotions, there is access to rich and useful intuition.

In this transitional time and shifting of corporate paradigms, we now have a neuroscientific basis for EQ resulting in a surge of interest and curiosity about the value of emotions. There are several scenarios where emotional intelligence learning can be applied in the organizational context. This is a ripe and juicy arena for coaches. The key to good coaching is to get 100% over there with our clients. Yet how do you do that when you get stuck in emotional hijack, held prisoner by your very vociferous inner critic, or perfectionist part who like to whip you when you make a mistake? Or how do you deal with a client who has clearly been hijacked by their emotions?

Here are five tips to developing a skill set to help you to self manage and truly get over there with your client and share with them:

Tip #1++:
Develop an early warning detection system for emotional hijack. Get really good at observing and detecting your body’s individual response (eg. Clenched hands, or knots in your stomach);

Tip #2++:
Breathe! Breathing engages the parasympathetic nervous system which is in direct opposition to the sympathetic one of flight or fight (rapid heart beat, dilated eyes, adrenalin (and other wonderful stress chemicals surging through our bloodstream). Breathing will also help you return to your True Self and be present, calm and grounded;

Tip #3:++
Ask yourself questions! Questions engage the neocortex, which houses the rational brain, while statements engage the emotional brain;

Tip #4:++
Step into your Observer role, and ask yourself, “what am I feeling? What is this feeling trying to let me know about myself? What is the connection of what I am feeling to my intuition? What is the underlying need of this feeling?”

Tip #5:++
Validate whatever you are feeling as legitimate. You have the right to your feelings, just not the right to vomit them on someone else. By giving this permission to yourself, you don’t need to have someone else validate you.

Emotions are important clues to your intuition and to their underlying needs. Being an observer of your emotions, respecting and accepting them as legitimate, investigating the underlying intuition, will soothe the emotional brain and allow you access to the rational mind. Once there, we can be clear, grounded, calm and centred.

_Annie Gelfand has been an executive, team and leadership coach since 1998. Annie brings a contagious passion, joy and gratitude for life to her clients. Her specialty is professionals who long to be ”wildly wet in the river of life”, to quote one of CTI’s founders, Laura Whitworth. For more info, please visit www.anniegelfand.com, or www.life-essentials.com.

© Copyright 2010 Tammy Anne (Annie) Gelfand, MBA, CPCC, PCC
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. May be copied in its entirety with credit and contact information included.

Professional Certified Coach, Credentialed Member of the International Coach Federation. www.anniegelfand.com annie@anniegelfand.com (416) 238-7213 _