Rehab Relationship
Posted on December 29, 2016 by Vance Larson, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
Why people enter into relationships while attending rehab. Its not always what you think.
Its a trap. Run! Don’t do it. This is what I usually say to everyone who ask me about getting into a relationship while you’re in rehab for addiction. Having spent the past 30 years on and off again working in many treatment centers, I can honestly say that I’ve never known even one rehab relationship to last. That’s not to say that its not possible, but I’ve not seen it in my experience.
While it is common for many in treatment to get involved in a relationship, it is not advisable. In every facility that I have worked at there were strict rules permitting them. This is for many reasons. Lets take a look at the 2 most common.
Who Are You?
So many who enter into treatment have been under the influence for many years. It is really hard to manage feelings for another when you’re just learning to manage them for yourself. When someone is in active addiction, the focus is on the drug and not themselves. When getting clean its the complete opposite. The addict must often re-define and rediscover who they are. This process can take years {depending on the severity of the addiction.} Being involved in a rehab relationship can devalue that process. I have always encouraged my clients to invest in a relationship with themselves. Learn who you are before you try and learn someone else.
Distraction!
Not in all cases but certainly many, the rehab relationship is a means to distract oneself from applying self to the process. Many were the clients that I have worked with who were court ordered to treatment. In such cases, these clients are often not fully vested in their treatment. The result is distraction. What better way to distract oneself with the help of another. Take it a step further someone to distract you by making you forget where you are and why you are there.
When the addict engages in a rehab relationship, many times it is not because they want to fall in love with another. It can be because they don’t feel that they deserve love their self. Pouring their time and energy into another has properly diverted the thoughts of self love and self worth.
What’s The Rule?
So what’s the rule for dating when someone is in treatment? Honestly, don’t! If you’re in rehab, now is not the time to start a romance. If you are in recovery, the answer would more than likely be different. How so? Are you new to recovery or has it been a year or so? Have you worked the steps, have a sponsor and been able to maintain a job? Do you have a supportive community?
If you’re married or in a long term relationship, yet again the answer will be even more complicated. Is you spouse in recovery too? Do they use? Are they clean and supportive? The truth is there is no one size fit all answer. Many professionals {including myself} will say wait at least one year. But, this questions is better worked through with your counselor or Home Group.
Relationships can be a great source of strength and purpose. However, after working the past 30 years in mental health I can say that they can be the complete opposite. My best advice is to get grounded in yourself, your faith and recovery. Be honest with yourself as you do your inventories. Talk with someone who does not have any vested interest other than your well being.
No one has the right to tell you can’t be in a relationship. But, they just might have some insight that if your honest with yourself, may just be worth listening to.
