The secret to healthy transition
Posted on December 06, 2016 by Manon Yona, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
Change is happening constantly: new circumstances, life phase, situations... How to transition into this "new"? How do you adapt and adjust to change?
We constantly transition into new life phases and circumstances. Without noticing, we change with the tides of life. To some almost effortless. Others take more energy adapting to. And there will be transitions that crush you. So what is the secret to healthy transitioning?
We adapt automatically to minor changes in life. From moving on to a new project at work, to changing your wardrobe when the seasons change. You will be aware of the change, it can take a bit more effort in the beginning, but you get used to it very quick.
Other transitions take more adaptation. The natural life phase transitions can be scary and exciting. Think about that moment you started high-school. Left for college and had to be responsible for yourself. Going from care-free dorm life into a steady job. Committing to your spouse. Starting your own family. Seeing your little ones coming of age and leaving an empty nest behind. Rediscovering yourself and your relationship. On to the last life phases.
Finally the shocking transitions. The so called ‘major life changing events’. They can be both positive and negative changes. Either way, such an event will literally shake all your foundations, leaving you crippled and perhaps even lost.
To name a few:
-Becoming severely ill or disabled
-Passing of your spouse, child or close family member
-Emigration or seeking refuge
-Becoming a parent
-Experiencing natural or terroristic disaster
-Divorce
-Your own impending end
-Getting fired from your job
-Being declared healthy again
-Taking care of a loved one going through any of the above
As you might have noticed, the parallel in major life changing events is loss. The loss of a loved one. Of your future hopes, plans and expectations. The loss of something precious like your house or job. Loss of your sense of self, your identity, self-confidence. Or the loss of your health, a body part and/or skill. The old safe and known is gone. Life will never be the same and there is no way back. You will transition into a new life phase, with new circumstances and new expectations. Adjusting your life to fit your loss.
So what is the best way to do so?
These are the 3 crucial components of a healthy transition.
1. Accept reality
You might feel the impulse to avoid reality, trying to keep every thing how it was. This is called the “conservative impulse” and is a natural way of staying afloat. Temporary avoidance is completely normal. You need a break now and than, in order not to collapse. When constant however, it stands in the way of healthy transition. Pay attention to extreme focus on working out, drinking, a new relationship, working etc. Completely occupying yourself, is a way of avoiding reality. It’s important to face the inevitable facts. Confront yourself with that what has changed. But do so gradually, in your own speed. You can face reality by thinking about shared moments, cleaning out a room or looking at pictures. Try to balance both avoidance and confrontation. There are no deadlines nor rules for this.
2. Say goodbye
Saying goodbye is expressing the painful realization that you will have to go on without someone or something. This is difficult, especially after years and years of suppressing unwanted emotions and behaviour. Take the time to do this. If you find yourself avoiding saying goodbye, reserve a certain moment that suits you well. You can do this alone or have someone there to support you. How to express goodbye is the most personal aspect of transition. Some simply vent their emotions, or let it all out at an anonymous laughing class. Others verbalize their goodbye’s by talking about it. You can write a letter about what the old means to you. You might like to perform a ritual to mark this significant goodbye. The possibilities are endless.
3. Rebuild your future
Rebuild the new and remember the old. Incorporate the change in the rest of your life. You can see it as a new relationship with that what has changed. What you have lost becomes a precious memory, instead of reality. A significant part of your personal life story, and now a new chapter begins. Start redefining yourself. Figure out who you are. Set new goals. Picture yourself in the future. Establish a new routine that works for you. And develop skills to adjust to your ever-changing life.
GET STARTED NOW
