Hey! What about me!?

Posted on December 06, 2016 by Julie Homsy, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

HEY! WHAT ABOUT ME?!
A guide for anyone who wants to be in a loving relationship…

As I was running errands this morning I called a friend of mine. We have known each other for 30+ years. This is someone who has professed his love for me numerous times over the years, but we were always in a different place in our lives that didn’t align with one another. Until a year ago, I got divorced and he had broken up with his girlfriend the year before that.

Finally, it’s our time!!! Or so we thought. I say “we” because it takes two make it “our time”. I am finding that trying to get this relationship started to be, difficult.

When I work with clients regarding their relationships, they tell me that they want to be in a relationship, they want to be happy in that relationships, but they are unsatisfied for various reasons.

When someone professes their love to another, be it a man to a woman or a woman to man or man to a man or a woman to a woman, the person professing their love should be backing up their words with action.

So what does this mean?

First, ask yourself this, do you truly want to be in a relationship with the other person? If you answered, yes, hang on…I will jump back to you in a minute. If not, move on; stop wasting your time and the other person’s time. There is someone else out there for you. And you might want to stick around to learn what you should be doing.

Okay, so you want to be with this person. It doesn’t matter how close or how far away you live from this person. “Actions speak louder than words”. I bet you have heard that saying before.

So what do you do? What you do is, get out of your own way. What this means is all those things that you believe in when it comes to relationships, throw them out the window. The relationship you had with the last person you dated is not going to work with the new person.

Before jumping feet first into the new relationship take a step back and re-evaluate you past relationships. Ask yourself these questions:

1. Why didn’t the relationship work out?
2. What did you enjoy about the relationship?
3. What was or is your perception of a loving relationship?
4. What weren’t you doing that you should have been doing to keep that
relationship moving forward or what wasn’t the other person doing to keep
the relationship moving forward?
5. What did the other person do that made you lose interest or what did you
do that the other person lost interest?

Hmm…Still need clarity?

Our beliefs or expectations that a relationship or the person we are dating or marrying needs to be a certain way can interfere with our having a wonderful, fulfilling relationship.

So how do two people work together in order to have a loving, wonderful and fulfilling relationship?

• Communicate – Talk about your beliefs and expectations.
• Understand – Try to understand your partner’s beliefs and expectations.
• Challenge – No one says you have to agree on those beliefs and
expectations, challenge them.
• Observe – Watch your partner facial expressions, body language and what
they trying to say.
• Listen – Turn the television off, put the phone down, focus on your partner
and really hear what they are saying.
• Prioritize – Sometimes you have to decide which is more important…your needs or your partner needs.

It is up to you…you can make or break your relationships if you don’t take the time to really care about the person you are in a relationship with.