Reading People’s Mind – A Light Body Language Science Digest
Posted on November 28, 2016 by Dimitri Douchin, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
Empower yourself by reading in people what they really want
I never thought that reading people’s mind was that easy. It has only taken me a few years to be able to read a bunch people in a bunch of circumstances. What has driven me to read people — apart from a fortunate predisposition– is to understand people’s experience. How they see life, why they are grumpy, why they get overwhelmed with what others call “little things”, why they say “life sucks” when life is awesome (there is no other choice). Coaching.
Reading people is a skill by itself and can be used to many ends, and it is one of them that drives you to learn more today. Whether you are into coaching, influence, seduction or genuine curiosity for the other members of your own species, the basic ideas and rules are the same.
Without further ado, let’s start with three beneficial hypotheses about body language and its interpretation:
Body-language made easy:
Idea #1 It is that simple.
If you think that someone just did something because of what you think, then you are probably right. Once you start grasping the phrases of body language, you will perceive a wealth of information that is unconsciously or inevitably emitted by the person you are watching, and the most straight-forward hypothesis to account for the behavior you are witnessing is likely to be the right one.
ex: the person in front of you is getting very touchy with this other person of the opposite gender in front of you. They are having a go at the other person. That’s it.
Idea #2 Context prevails
What you are going to observe in people is only a behavior. To attach that behavior to a personal story, a belief or an emotion is context-dependant, so don’t rush into conclusions too quickly for the same body expression might mean two different things in two different contexts.
ex: I cross my arms when you speak because I am interested in what you say and my body says “tell me more”. I disagree with you and I am slightly angry at you, so I cross my arms. Two contexts, two interpretations, same action.
Idea #3 Unconscious speaks louder
If there is a contradiction between someone’s unconscious communication and their conscious communication, then the unconscious will speak the truth (for that person that is).
ex: a child who is looking down while he is saying “No I didn’t eat the chocolate mousse” and his mouth is generously painted in chocolate mousse.
Best rules and tips for reading people
Armed with new positive constructive beliefs about the art of watching people, let’s get down to the most efficient rules I have happened to read or discover myself.
Rule #1: crossing is defending
Any movement that goes across the body is a sign that a person is feeling threatened or protecting themselves. The arm scratching the opposite shoulder, the eyes looking in the opposite direction to where the head is looking, the fingers crossing in front of the body, all these are a natural way to create a barrier to one’s social environment when we feel awkward, threatened or busted.
In his fantastic book Watching People, Desmond Morris takes the example of actors or celebrities seemingly keeping their cool while walking on the red carpet amidst light flashes and flying underwear, then suddenly feeling the urge to adjust their sleeve or cuff-links with the opposite hand. This gesture expresses a contained distress, the need for the movie stars to protect themselves, and probably hide their –yet invisible– fear or vulnerability.
Rule #2: touching the face is lying
If you are scratching your ear, rubbing your nose or playing with your lips you are lying. That might seem like a very broad and strong statement — and it is– but life experience and body language analysts agree on that. Once again there is that barrier, masking your face as much as possible to potentially hide your emotions and your fear of being deceived. The itch can also be created by exudation and the fact that person is very self-conscious. Finally it can distract their watchers from what they are saying. And buy them a few second as they seemingly focus all their attention on scratching whatever part of their face that is.
Rule #3: the lower on the body the least conscious
People are very aware of their face but they are less so of their ankles. If you look for something to read on a rather static position (people discussing, etc) look at the lower parts of the body just as much as the top ones. Most people feel that who they are facing or whom they turn their shoulders too is easily readable. Little know that their hands and feet say such as much if not more.
Rule #4: feet say welcome and fuck-off
A very powerful corollary to rule #3. This is something that I observed myself many times but I have never read about it, yet it is one of my strongest assets (I mean just to know it. Can you believe that? You read a 5 second sentence and it becomes an asset for the rest of your life): the direction of the feet of whom you are watching will tell you if you are included or excluded from their world. Imagine the guy you are watching is wearing super long skis. Let’s even say infinite skis and not worry about his insurance bill. If you are within the skis –somewhere between the two skis– you are welcome in his world. If you are out of the skis, he says you can fuck-off. That trick has invariably worked for me, and is also a nice way to end a conversation. You will notice that people who are wanting to be polite but do not want to include someone in the conversation will have their skis very close to the person they reject as a sign of respectful rejection.
Rule #5: Fidgeting is nervous
You’ve probably met this guy who’s tapping his pen super fast back and forth on the table. Or he is shaking his knees. Or he’s tapping on the desk with his fingernail. This guy wants to go away from you, you have exploded in attention time span and all he’s thinking about is what sauce he’s going to have on his sandwich. The guy doing silly things with his fingers is bored, or lying, or is containing his anger.
To avoid making yet another victim of rule #5 let’s conclude this article.
There are myriads of little stories you can see happen in society. Keep you eyes open. Read. Play. Have fun.
Dimitri
If you’d like more information or training in body language, contact me and let’s have a chat.
