Seduction – How to Overcome Fear of Rejection. This is gold.

Posted on November 28, 2016 by Dimitri Douchin, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

“If I try to talk to her then she’s gonna run away, or laugh at me, or say “no”. If you are consistently not picking up girls, it’s probably what ‘s in your mind 23/7 and what prevents you from acting and from being spontaneous and awesome. So here we go, these are my best tips no secrets, I’m giving away all I can think about, so sit tight and read. Fear of rejection is so paralyzing. Right now seduction is probably a f*@#$%g hopeless chore. Once you’ve got rid of fear, seduction will start being fun. Learn!

I started like you. I received a feminist education, put women on a pedestal and thought low of myself. All this to say I didn’t start well in the game of seduction. From my understanding there is also a link with how deal with authority. If you’ve learned to please, you are probably facing fear of rejection even more. I learnt seduction passively from watching one of my best friends who also happened to be a womeniser. I learnt. I tried. I failed. I re-tried. I improved. I scored. Many times. Here are a few mantras and wisdom to shatter your fear of rejection:

1. You may not even be aware of that: fear of rejection. That it has a name, and that it is the most common problem men (and many women) have in the game of seduction. Congratulations, you have just ticked out two of the steps of problem solving: acknowledging it and naming it. Now two more steps: looking for solutions and trying them out relentlessly.

2. The first thing you can do to not get rejected is not to commit 100%. If there is a girl you like, don’t approach her full-on, especially at the beginning of your game mastery. Instead of walking to her and being all “Heyyyyyy………….”, stay in the area and give her a friendly — but not submissive — glance.

For example you can raise you eyebrows at her with a gentle smile. It is hard to not react to that greeting unconsciously. See how she reacts and act upon it. If she turns her back at you, find someone else. Find someone who matches your self-esteem.

3. That movie that you play in your mind where you approach her and she rejects you, you’ve got to stop playing it. Don’t try to plan out things because that will stimulate your lack of self-confidence. Instead, start something out of blue and improvise as best you can. Otherwise you’ll never start.

When I was really inexperienced, there was this friend of a friend and we were all partying on a boat together. We exchanged smiles and danced together. It was obvious we liked each other. I really wanted to go further but had no idea what to do. She was sitting 5m away behind me. I told myself “Dude you gotta do something she may be the girl of your life. What is 5 seconds of discomfort to a life of goodness with her?” I shut down my brain and walked to her mechanically. And I pashed her with all I had. Years later she’s told me that that was the best thing a guy had done for her. So much for rejection.

4. No matter how good a womeniser you are, you will be rejected. From her being a complete unknown to having sex with her, there is necessarily a step where she’ll say “No”. What do most men do? They walk back looking down and feeling sorry for themselves. This is the biggest mistake you can do IN THE WORLD! All this time that you have invested in building trust with her and now you’re running away!

“No” doesn’t mean “No I don’t like you” or “No I’m not interested in you”. “No” means “I don’t want to go any further with you now. Tell me more of what I want to hear”. If you hear “no” stay there. Work on your trust-building. Don’t move closer to her (literally or metaphorically), don’t run away either! Just stay there, breath and find something smart to say to make her laugh or stimulate her interest. Be fun. Do that until she leaves or until she gives you go to move to the next step. You will know.

5. You will be rejected. Get over it. It’s not the school playground anymore, you’ll never see that girl again anyway so put your ego (infantile ego that is) away and move on. Man up. I was having a chat a few weeks ago with my friend I mentioned earlier. He told me “I think in my life I’ve been with more than a hundred girls. But probably I’ve been rejected more than 500 times.” A 1 to 5 ratio is really good. Aim at that. That means you will be rejected.

Little story there was this girl who I had met in the street and got her phone number. I probably texted her over 40 times to “come watch a DVD at my place.” Someday, the 41st time, she said “OK” and we did watch a DVD. My Blueberry Nights by WonKar Wai. Chick flick. Good movie. The rest of the night was bad either.

6. The hardest is to be rejected the first 10 times. It feels like a suicide mission. You’re going for it and you know you’re gonna fail. And you’re probably right. After 10 times you won’t care anymore, and there will be no emotional consequence to being rejected. So be rejected 10 times, cry and move on.

After that I went through the opposite phase. I was living on campus village. There was a party. A girl I liked. I said “Hey I’m Dimitri. Wanna visit 2.113? That’s my room just there across the path”. I smiled. She left. Didn’t care. I was king.

7. Beware of your defense mechanism. Some people with low self-esteem go for girls they will never get and fail on purpose to prove some part of themselves that they’re a lost cause. Don’t be a jackass. Go for girls you like and seriously try to impress them with how awesome you are, or just be yourself.

8. Get a buddy / wing man while you’re in party mode. He will boost your motivation and confidence. If you pick up then congratulations you’ve picked up! If you fail you’ll both have a barrel of laugh and will get ready for your next move. You can also analyse together where you failed.

9. Last but not least: if they can reject you, you can reject them too. You are in a position to find that that girl is not good enough for you and leave half-way. You probably won’t do it, but that’s a good state of mind to have.

Don’t hesitate to read this post again before you go to a party or whenever you go pick up. Breathe. Have fun. Score.

If that’s not enough to get you going, get a coaching session with me with Noomii.

Best,

Dimitri