Why Telling The Truth Matters
Posted on November 02, 2016 by Elaine Cohen, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
Learn the reasons people want to avoid saying how they feel and the upside to saying the truth.
When a client is upset about a situation with someone in their life, we breakdown the situation. Who was it about? What exactly was said? In the details are the clues to uncovering their next move. Typically, both parties are hedging, not saying all of their honest feelings and instead focusing on and reacting to one another. In general, what they are NOT saying is the gold but there are reasons they are shying away from it. People want to avoid saying how they feel for a variety of reasons.
Here is why:
- We are scared to ‘look bad’. It’s not always easy to share the vulnerable truth and sometimes folks simply aren’t conscious of it. In our culture and so many others, vulnerability is equated with weakness yet it’s the contrary. One proponent of communicating vulnerable feeling is because it actually builds trust (when with the right person). Sharing our rawness and telling the truth can create closeness and understanding which can foster a deep bond.
- A common reason for clamming up is we don’t want to upset someone. But consider that if you are upset, you are suffering. Keeping quiet keeps you in a negative headspace on some level. There are ways to communicate whereby you are driving toward a resolution, not a fight. But if you go at it with the desire to ‘win the conversation’ or ‘prove you are right’, don’t bother because this approach will likely backfire.
- We are scared that the result of the conversation may mean we need to do something new and we would rather not deal. The result of a conversation is usually a resolution of sorts and that could necessity a new activity which this means effort. In general, people resist change for the comfort of discomfort (ironic!).
Avoidance keeps you disconnected, unhappy, and blowing yourself off. It’s possible to say the truth in a way that confronts the issue but won’t cause defensiveness in the other person.
The following are the primary reasons to tell the truth:
- The truth will liberate you from angst! Yeehaw.
- People get to know the whole you which can result in a deeper connection. Adopt a love me or leave me attitude.
- You get to stand up for yourself. Doing that rocks.
