Little Matters Matter a Lot

Posted on July 03, 2016 by Jeeva and Sulojana Sam, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

Have you ever noticed that we seldom trip over huge rocks, but often stumble on little stones? Pretty soon, we find ourselves screaming with pain or at least dealing with discomfort. At times, we end up in the emergency room of a hospital with a sprain or the operating room with a break.

Likewise, in a marriage, we can trip over little matters left unattended.

Most morally conscious partners in a marriage will avoid obvious boulders such as committing adultery, inflicting physical abuse or something really huge, such as forgetting their ’s birthday :-)

However, it is amazing how, after a short time of being married, couples place little pebbles under their partner’s feet, often without even realizing that they’re doing it.

One of the most common pebbles that couples in our marriage mentorship process highlight is the lack of appreciation from their partner.

Early on in marriage, we tend to compliment our partner for everything they do.

”Those were the best muffins I’ve ever tasted in my life, honeybuns!

“Wow! Did you ever barbecue those burgers to perfection, you beefcake!”

The brown toast may sport a charred look, but we’ll say: “Well, it’s the thought that counts! I can always scrape the soot off and still taste all the nutrients. I’m just so glad that you got up early enough to make me breakfast, darling.”

The dishes may not be as squeaky clean as they would be if we had done them ourselves, but we’ll say: “No problem, sweetheart. That grease will come off the next time I wash it. I just appreciate you for doing the dishes today, you’re so thoughtful, you know that!”

You might even add a smooch, a peck on the cheek, a pat on the rear or a full dip as a token of your appreciation.

Yet, a few years down the road (or sadly, sooner sometimes), we do not even acknowledge the meal our partner took great pains to cook, but simply wolf it down and rush out the door to our soccer game/tennis match/coffee with the girls/pool with the boys/………(feel free to add your own).

Or our partner may have spent a fair bit of time making the floor shine, the bathroom fixtures sparkle, the back yard beautiful, the car polished, ………………(please fill in the blanks), but we do not give any indication that we even noticed it, let alone offer a word of appreciation.

Ouch!

Pretty soon, these pebbles of unappreciation start increasing in number. Sometimes they accumulate into a pile. Not a big pile, mind you, because that would be way too easy to spot. But a little pile that is small enough to ignore, yet big enough to trip you up.

Then you’re surprised to discover that your partner is getting negative with you or behaving like a bear towards you or not too excited about making sheet music in the bedroom.

As you read this post, are you beginning to realize that if you were convicted of being unappreciative of your partner, there would be a mountain of evidence to back it up?

Let this free counsel from a couple who have stubbed their toes and sprained their ankles multiple times in their 33 years of marriage spare you the pain of a trip and a trip to the hospital or the courtroom, as the case may be.

Make a point of appreciating your spouse for everything they do for the next 21 days. Tell it to their face. Leave them little notes. Write it in a card. Pair that note with a small bouquet of flowers. Or a box of chocolates. Punctuate it with a pat on the back, a gentle caress, a kiss or other appropriate gesture that signals your appreciation.

You’ll be amazed how smooth the path gets when you keep on doing this consistently! Even if your marriage is on the rocks right now, wouldn’t it be good to stop adding more pebbles to the rockpile?

The change you see in each other will convince you that little matters matter a lot.