Why am I scared to accept myself the way I am?
Posted on June 16, 2016 by Jodi Peary, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
Self-acceptance builds our ability to be resilient. It allows us to learn from our mistakes rather than to judge ourselves.
We have all experienced fear when it comes to accepting ourselves.
Where does our fear originate?
From the time we were young children, those who loved us and cared about us, parents and teachers, and society have cultivated and conditioned us to be a certain way and to accomplish certain things. Perhaps with good intention, they try to mold us according to their ideals. The molding is not easy and it requires those who try to mold us to forget that we each have a potential of our own and a need to grow to be our authentic selves.
Throughout our lives we hear the mantra, “If you follow the rules and regulations put forth for you, you will be prestigious and gain the respect and honor of your culture; you will be worthy of happiness.” We learn that if we follow the constructs that society has created and approved for us we will be the ideal mate, perfect student, excellent parent, or attractive man or woman. We are led to believe that our compliance with the the objectives set for us will lead to our being loved, respected, and worthy of happiness.
We also learn that if we are simply ourselves, sincere, honest, and independent, we will be unworthy and undeserving of happiness and respect. We may feel we have won the respect and love of others but if it is not for our authentic selves, we may question the endurance of the positive attitudes projected toward us. If the inner and outer self are in-congruent, we may lose self-respect and become afraid of being found out or we may feel anxiety regarding our performance. All of this feels so uncomfortable, that we begin to try to distract ourselves from who we really are. We try to forget our selves.
There are so many ways we use to forget our selves.
Some examples of the tools we use to forget our true selves include drinking, perfectionism, materialism, compulsive relationships, obsessive dieting, and any and all activities that serve to distance ourselves from ourselves.
IDEA FOR REFLECTION
This exercise is designed to help you get an idea of the size of the discrepancy between your true self and the you that you have cultivated to be a success in society.
Begin by telling yourself
“Today I am not going to be anybody else but my true, authentic self.”
Imagine yourself cutting the ties that represent demands you make upon yourself to be anything other than who you really are.
Move step by step from waking up in the morning to going to sleep at night in your mind. Really imagine the thoughts and feelings you will have as you move through your day. Reflect upon how your day is different based upon your commitment to being your true self the entire day.
How would you spend your time? With whom would you spend your time? What would leave you feeling satisfied before going to bed that evening? What emotions might you experience? How do you feel about this true self? How would family, friends, and peers respond? How would you engage with others?
Human beings are complex, fallible, and ever changing.
Self-acceptance builds our ability to be resilient. It allows us to learn from our mistakes rather than to judge ourselves. We can and should allow ourselves to be happy and love ourselves even if there are circumstances and behaviors we may want to change.
