Finding Peace
Posted on May 19, 2016 by Dawn Koufakis, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
Recognizing the "end of a season" in relationships
Finding Peace
May 19, 2016
Lately I have seen a pattern emerge among women I have spoken with concerning life. I find that many tend to hold on to thoughts, events and encounters that have caused them pain. I am one of those people who react to things rather quickly. I allow myself to feel the hurt or pain and then “look out“! I am going to deal with my emotions and the people who have caused me pain- immediately. I have to admit that sometimes it might be best to sit on the impulse to respond for a bit longer. But I am wired to “deal” with things so that I can return to what feels normal to me. In other words, I cannot rest in unrest. I need to know if you really meant to hurt me. I need to know if you are sorry. I need to know if you are someone I can trust and continue a relationship with. I don’t just throw people away when they upset me but if it is a habit of yours to upset me then I will find a way to avoid you.
My discussions of late have centered around the way some of us will just allow pain to take up residence in our lives. In life, we always have choices to make about who we want in our lives, why they deserve to be a part of our lives and how long we are going to allow a person to stick around when they demonstrate a lack of respect time after time. Now I realize that some people are hard to separate from and require more grace than others. If, for instance, we are talking about a parent or child then we have to really try every avenue to restore what may have been a healthy relationship. If we are talking about a friendship, even a long term friendship, that has gone sour perhaps a few self-directed questions can help us to move our lives along. The first question I would ask myself is; “How important is this person to my well being”? The second question would be; “How does this person positively contribute to my life”? The final question would be; “Can I move forward in my life without being in regular or frequent communication with this person and still be at peace”? If you can answer these questions honestly and determine that they are not important to your life, does not contribute anything positive and you would be happier not having to communicate with them, then you have your “get out of jail free” card! Let them go in peace. There is no need to have a long drawn out conversation. Just peacefully stop answering the phone. Do not respond to email or texting. If they decide to pay you a visit in person simply say that you are very busy and will give them a call when things settle down. If they insist that you speak with them simply say “I have decided to take a break from this relationship for a while” ask them to respect your wishes and end the conversation.
Life is too short to complicate it with people who do not or cannot bring light into your world. There are enough times in life when we are forced to manage difficult bosses, spoiled children or individuals who are ill. It is best to reserve your grace reservoir for those times and those folks. Most people are only meant to be in your life for a season. Recognize when the season is over and allow yourself and them to move on. There is so much joy to be found in this one life that we are allowed. Go out and find yours…
