Finding Self Love

Posted on May 09, 2016 by Maxx Angenetta Jones , One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

Finding Self Love

What is self-love and why is it so important? This question has several layers, and many possible ways of looking at it.

Let’s start with the concept of self. One potential difficulty in attaining a state of self-love is that self is not necessarily a static experience. It is an ever changing, ever expanding definition of the unique way we express our divinity in this dimension. So, with that in mind, how does one love something that is so hard to pin down?

The one thing we all have in common, across species, across space and time, is Love. We are all born with that core quality shining in our tiny bodies; we all have the capacity to give and receive it, and to live in it instead of in fear or confusion. Perhaps the self is in fact this sparkling core of love that instead of loving, we simply have to find and acknowledge. Loving the self is finding and accepting love itself, within ourselves and those around us.

Another aspect of this is that we are reflections of everything in existence. We are in relationship with everything and everyone. So the self is also a constantly self-regulating thing. If you hold a belief that you are valuable, for instance, you will draw to you people and experiences in alignment with the degree of that belief. You then continue to redefine (often unconsciously) your concept of self based on the external ‘evidence’ that reflects those deeply-held beliefs.

Here is where it becomes clearer why self-love is so important. Without the understanding of yourself and your needs as valuable and worthy of love and respect, you reflect whatever value you do believe you have on everyone and everything around you. Thus, anyone or anything that loves you is then credited (by your unconscious patterning) with being worth the same as you, meaning that if you believe yourself worthless, they are worthless, as is their love. In fact they are in some way flawed for loving you, which can create feelings of resentment, boredom or disdain. How could they possibly be worth anything if they love someone as worthless as you?

Nothing and no one outside of yourself can provide confirmation of your (self-)worth. It’s a fallacy that a degree or job or house or car or person will ever be able to make you feel that value in yourself. Instead, look for that core of love that exists in you and once you find it, don’t let it go. Value it, give it freely, don’t worry if it comes back to you in a certain way because there’s so much to go around it will never run out.

Keep looking for ways to spread it around, knowing that this core, this beautiful thing that we all share, is the most valuable thing in the world. Soon, you’ll begin to give so fiercely and so passionately that you release attachment to what returns because it feels so good to give. The paradox is you begin to see more returns than you have before, because you’re not giving in order to get, but because it feels so damned good. You’re giving something you hold so dear, directly from your heart that others connect with that energy and feel it in their own hearts.

This universal core is limitless and inexhaustible. The supply never runs out. The challenge can be in maintaining your connection to it; feeling it when external circumstances are chaotic or different than you’d like. That’s when it’s easy to clamber around for ways to love this elusive self, soothing the wounded parts of you with relationships and other things that offer a false sense of connection or intimacy. These are temporary fixes; band-aid solutions. As you look for love in every moment, you connect with a deeper sense of it in every living thing, including yourself.

As you find and connect with that core of love, you become your own partner, and are able to weather the storms that inevitably come, and remain more grounded and calm throughout. You will know the capacity to tap into that core of love is yours alone, and you will recover more quickly from upsets and shake-ups. It also goes a long way towards establishing healthy boundaries, as you will not be dependent on others’ energy to uplift or support you – you are a sovereign being.

You can think of yourself and your life as a line, and as you follow your heart along its twists and turns, others can join and walk beside you for a while. You don’t have to blur the boundaries of the parallel lines, or step off yours to join them on theirs; you just walk hand in hand in the same direction. Sometimes it will last a lifetime, sometimes it won’t.

As you learn to love your body as your home, self-love becomes an act of celebration and gratitude. It honours the journey you’ve been on and the one you plan to continue. Take some time each day to send thanks to the Universe for your existence, and the fact that you are a part of this incredible fabric called life. Lavish love on you whenever you have a spare moment: look your reflection in the eye and say, ‘I love you;’ give yourself a pat on the back for a job well-done; take a few moments to sit quietly and make a list of your amazing victories; nourish yourself with healthy foods, thoughts and beliefs.

Do whatever it takes to connect and re-connect to that core. Then step out in the world as a Divine reflection of that Love for others, knowing that no matter what, you can go ‘home’ to you (and Love) any time you want.

Your Earth Angel

What is self-love and why is it so important? This question has several layers, and many possible ways of looking at it.

Let’s start with the concept of self. One potential difficulty in attaining a state of self-love is that self is not necessarily a static experience. It is an ever changing, ever expanding definition of the unique way we express our divinity in this dimension. So, with that in mind, how does one love something that is so hard to pin down?

The one thing we all have in common, across species, across space and time, is Love. We are all born with that core quality shining in our tiny bodies; we all have the capacity to give and receive it, and to live in it instead of in fear or confusion. Perhaps the self is in fact this sparkling core of love that instead of loving, we simply have to find and acknowledge. Loving the self is finding and accepting love itself, within ourselves and those around us.

Another aspect of this is that we are reflections of everything in existence. We are in relationship with everything and everyone. So the self is also a constantly self-regulating thing. If you hold a belief that you are valuable, for instance, you will draw to you people and experiences in alignment with the degree of that belief. You then continue to redefine (often unconsciously) your concept of self based on the external ‘evidence’ that reflects those deeply-held beliefs.

Here is where it becomes clearer why self-love is so important. Without the understanding of yourself and your needs as valuable and worthy of love and respect, you reflect whatever value you do believe you have on everyone and everything around you. Thus, anyone or anything that loves you is then credited (by your unconscious patterning) with being worth the same as you, meaning that if you believe yourself worthless, they are worthless, as is their love. In fact they are in some way flawed for loving you, which can create feelings of resentment, boredom or disdain. How could they possibly be worth anything if they love someone as worthless as you?

Nothing and no one outside of yourself can provide confirmation of your (self-)worth. It’s a fallacy that a degree or job or house or car or person will ever be able to make you feel that value in yourself. Instead, look for that core of love that exists in you and once you find it, don’t let it go. Value it, give it freely, don’t worry if it comes back to you in a certain way because there’s so much to go around it will never run out.

Keep looking for ways to spread it around, knowing that this core, this beautiful thing that we all share, is the most valuable thing in the world. Soon, you’ll begin to give so fiercely and so passionately that you release attachment to what returns because it feels so good to give. The paradox is you begin to see more returns than you have before, because you’re not giving in order to get, but because it feels so damned good. You’re giving something you hold so dear, directly from your heart that others connect with that energy and feel it in their own hearts.

This universal core is limitless and inexhaustible. The supply never runs out. The challenge can be in maintaining your connection to it; feeling it when external circumstances are chaotic or different than you’d like. That’s when it’s easy to clamber around for ways to love this elusive self, soothing the wounded parts of you with relationships and other things that offer a false sense of connection or intimacy. These are temporary fixes; band-aid solutions. As you look for love in every moment, you connect with a deeper sense of it in every living thing, including yourself.

As you find and connect with that core of love, you become your own partner, and are able to weather the storms that inevitably come, and remain more grounded and calm throughout. You will know the capacity to tap into that core of love is yours alone, and you will recover more quickly from upsets and shake-ups. It also goes a long way towards establishing healthy boundaries, as you will not be dependent on others’ energy to uplift or support you – you are a sovereign being.

You can think of yourself and your life as a line, and as you follow your heart along its twists and turns, others can join and walk beside you for a while. You don’t have to blur the boundaries of the parallel lines, or step off yours to join them on theirs; you just walk hand in hand in the same direction. Sometimes it will last a lifetime, sometimes it won’t.

As you learn to love your body as your home, self-love becomes an act of celebration and gratitude. It honours the journey you’ve been on and the one you plan to continue. Take some time each day to send thanks to the Universe for your existence, and the fact that you are a part of this incredible fabric called life. Lavish love on you whenever you have a spare moment: look your reflection in the eye and say, ‘I love you;’ give yourself a pat on the back for a job well-done; take a few moments to sit quietly and make a list of your amazing victories; nourish yourself with healthy foods, thoughts and beliefs.

Do whatever it takes to connect and re-connect to that core. Then step out in the world as a Divine reflection of that Love for others, knowing that no matter what, you can go ‘home’ to you (and Love) any time you want.

Your Earth Angel Maxx Angenetta Jones