I get asked this all the time!

Posted on May 06, 2016 by Sophia Lennox, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

I’m not a confident person. How do I start to change?

Confidence is a skill you can learn. It takes awareness, commitment and practice. Decide now that you
want to feel confident. Make a list of what you think that would feel like. How would you walk, talk,
stand? What would your voice sound like? What would you wear? How would your life look? It all starts
in the mind. Imagine being that person. On a daily basis start to notice what you do well and write it
down, even something as small as making a great cup of tea instils confidence. Expand your world; drive to work a different way, shop in a new place, go to a new class.

I don’t like saying no so I do things to please other people, then I get upset with myself. How do I say
no without feeling guilty?

Every time you say yes to someone and you really want to say no you are saying NO to yourself which builds resentment and frustration. Get clear on how often you’re doing this, and who it involves. What is it you’re afraid of? What do you think will happen if you say no? Be honest and practice different ways of saying no. You might consider ‘I’m flattered that you ask though on this occasion I’m going to say no because my week is busy / I need to rest / I’m not taking on anything new right now…’ You might also like to suggest an alternative solution. Saying no to what you don’t want is empowering.

I’m surrounded by negative people and it’s getting me down. How do I make them more positive?

I hear this from all my new clients! Stop trying to change other people. Lead by example. Avoid getting
sucked into negative conversations. You can listen and then bring the focus to a range of solutions.
Where possible minimise the time you spend around them. Find people on the same wavelength as you.

People think that I’m outgoing but I’m secretly panicking in the toilets. What should I do?

Breathe. Keeping up appearances is exhausting, and with awareness you can create a more authentic
life. What aspect of you are you scared to show the world? What do you think would happen if they saw
a different side of you? Do what brings you joy in life and you’ll automatically create a group of friends
who bring out the best in you and love you for who you are.

I keep making excuses not to do things and it’s getting me down.

How would it feel to have done the thing that you’ve been putting off? What benefit are you getting
from avoiding it? At times you procrastinate because you’re scared you’ll get it wrong and you lack
confidence. Sometimes the thing just doesn’t excite you enough. Ditch the thing if you decide it’s not
important to you, and if it is set a deadline and map out the steps you need to take to make it happen.
Do something to progress it today. When you know who you are, understand your values and what
makes you tick, you’ll feel motivated by new things.

I struggle with shyness and find it difficult to speak up in large groups. I go red and find it hard to get
the words out. What can I do about it?

The average person is more scared of public speaking than death so you’re not alone. When you feel like this you create a vicious cycle because your mind already anticipates that it will be difficult, that you will go red and that you will struggle to get your words out. You’re rehearsing messing it up. You need to change the pictures in your mind. Practice speaking in front of a mirror. Before you go into a group
situation take a few minutes and tune into your breathing. Breath awareness helps you feel grounded
and present which automatically calms the mind and helps you to deliver well.

I compare myself to other people and always come off worse.

Comparison is the robber of joy! Learn to love and accept who you are. What is it that you notice about
others? Could that be a hidden part of you? Develop a friendly curiosity without judgement. You’re
brilliant in your own way. Shine.

I get asked ‘where do I start’ all the time…
There’s a five day free confidence guide on my website. Sign up and start to feel good now.