The Courage To Be Courageous

Posted on April 06, 2016 by Alessandro Carli, One of Thousands of Leadership Coaches on Noomii.

There are people who believe they are courageous, and others who believe they’re not. Actually, courage is a multifaceted concept, only a small portion of which is identified and believed to belong to this fundamental emotional competence. We recognize and admire the courage of those who risk their own life to defend that of others, or even devote it to an ideal or a cause , but there’s a meeker, more ordinary and less ostentatious form of courage we are not very much aware of, but nonetheless has an enormous impact on the existence of each and everyone of us, and of the collectivity we operate in.

It’s a bit like intelligence. Scientists were able to identify dozens of types of intelligence (mathematical, logical, linguistic, social, spatial, artistic, manual, etc.), yet for most of us the only form of intelligence that we recognize as such is related to the capacity of acquiring information to solve problems and, more generally, to adapt to the surrounding reality. Likewise, besides the type of courage mentioned before, there are other dozens of types that although they strongly impact on our reality, they are generally not recognized as forms of courage. This wouldn’t be so relevant, per se, but at an individual level the repercussions are tremendous.

Our self-esteem grows and gets stronger depending on what we are able to achieve, on our relational and social skills, and on the ethical choices we make. However, it’s not so much what we are able to do in one of these three realms that has a real impact on our self-esteem, but the fact that we were able to overcome one (or more) given fear. If it’s somewhat second nature for us to do certain things, or make certain choices, our self-esteem doesn’t really get much out of it.

If, for example, I’m an experienced salesman, and I’m asked to take care of a very important customer (and for this reason, quite a bit difficult too), regardless of the many risks this may involve, if I expect to consolidate my reputation, to make a good gain out of it, or to boost my career, then my self-esteem doesn’t benefit much from it, even if I’m successful. Conversely, if my focus is on the fact that my availability to tackle such a risky task can benefit my company as a whole and, especially, if it scares me to death, then my self-esteem will gain immensely from it (ironically, even if I should not succeed).
We can therefore say that “true courage comes out when we have something to lose, not something to gain”.

And here’s the real problem. If courage and self-esteem go hand in hand, and I don’t see any courage in me, then my self-esteem is going to suffer from this, and the problem is that a poor self-esteem will hardly impel me to test my courage, thus producing a vicious circle that’s very hard to break… but not impossible! To succeed, however, we must overturn what we know – or we think we know – about courage, keeping in mind that:

Every single individual has courage – I’m not just talking about “potential” courage, but real, actual courage that we’ve already exhibited in the past and we keep doing so today; unfortunately, we don’t recognize it because of the next point, that is

Our vision of courage relates to our individual and collective value system in a given historical/ geographical context – Every historical period and latitude relate courage to the capacity of being enterprising in a specific realm which society or collectivity gives great importance to. There were times when wars and riots were ordinary business, and people looked at those who embraced their armors and weapons to go fight as heroes. Today, in the Western world, you show your courage by aggressing the market and being ruthless with your competitors. Then, as you go back home, you tremble at the idea of opening up your heart and feelings to the people you love.

In today’s world, and even more so in the future, there are so many contexts where we can exhibit our courage. For example, abiding by our life’s choices (work, family, ideals, etc.) in a world that pursues opportunism and some petty gratification, requires far more strength and courage than in the past, and if we identify in this type of behavior, we can’t and must not take it for granted, even if the rest of the world does. This is essential for our self-esteem, because only by recognizing our courage, as well as the effort and the personal sacrifice that go with it, can we really strengthen the perception of our true worth (otherwise defined as “self-esteem”).

So here’s a few guidelines that can help you work on your courage and, consequently, on your self-esteem.

Identify your type of courage – Don’t focus on great heroical deeds to pass on to posterity, but focus on what you are doing on a regular basis, even (and especially) if this always causes discomfort. You may not be risking your life to save someone, but perhaps you are still assuming some risks through actions that jeopardize your status quo; or perhaps you say and do the things you think, regardless of other people’s judgment; or maybe you challenge the value system (your own or induced by others) if you feel that it’s limiting you; or again, you accept to undertake the road of sacrifice for a higher good; and then, you don’t let the tension, the discomfort, or the negativity stop you from achieving your goals.
It’s not possible to make a list of all the forms of courage, but I’m sure you can identify with one of those described here. Don’t take them for granted, because it’s important that you see that you are and can be courageous.

Move on to another type of courage – Now that you know that you can be courageous, tackle a certain situation that’s making you uncomfortable, and use the same modalities that you used to overcome the aforementioned situations. The dynamics are the same, the context is irrelevant.

Do it for yourself – Being courageous is always a choice. As a matter of fact, it is precisely the choice that makes courage so important. Therefore, don’t “waste” your courage on what others or even your same behavioral “standards” expect you to do. Just do it because you decide to grow as an individual.

Give value to what you do – Our self-esteem grows depending on the value that we attribute to ourselves, and to what we do. If, for a distorted form of modesty, we take all this for granted, and we don’t give the right value to our efforts, our self-esteem withers. Of course, you don’t go out boasting about it… but inside you do.

Instill courage onto others – There’s only one thing that’s more powerful than what has been suggested here so far: helping others find their courage. Unless somebody is about to do something patently stupid, instill courage and self-confidence in him, thus putting him in the best conditions to pursue his goals. It’s not by presenting all your pros and cons that you help someone, but helping him get in touch with his inner strength.

Courage is and always will be an essential condition for an effective leadership. The positive thing about it is that each one of us is provided with it, but we are afraid to take chances. Real courage, then, is not about doing what we are afraid to do, but taking the chance to discover what we are capable to do. To quote the title of this post, “to have the courage to be courageous”.