How Can You Know If You Don't Know?

Posted on March 23, 2016 by Joy Fahey, One of Thousands of Business Coaches on Noomii.

How Do You Know If You Don’t Know?
Were you told as a child not to put your hands in the fire, of course you were we all were, we took it as red that it was dangerous and we’d get burnt. However we are taking that knowledge on ‘face value’ having not experienced it for ourselves. What else do we take at face value having not experienced something for ourselves?
Life has a way of ‘knocking’ us into shape which is mainly seen as ‘unfair’ ‘why did that happen to me’, ‘what have I done to deserve xy and z ‘and the tendency is to believe that it ‘xy and z shouldn’t happen. And the belief that it’s unfair, or undeserving etc has been instilled in us from someone else’s experience not our own. But the truth is unless we ‘actually’ experience something for ourselves, how can we possibly know anything?
How can we come to any conclusions without actually experiencing for ourselves in real time, not just what we’ve been told, but by going through the mill and feeling, experiencing whatever it is in our own flesh and blood?
I remember as a child experimenting by holding my finger over a candle flame to see how long it took to start hurting. In fact I played it as a game with other children to see who could last the longest! The thing is we ‘need’ to find out for ourselves in order to learn and grow.
The cause of most problems is the thinking that experiencing ‘bad’ things is wrong, heartbreak is wrong, being fired is wrong, losing all your money is wrong, not being happy is wrong etc. We then tend to fall victim to these ‘unfounded’ beliefs because we’ve been taught to believe them and misery, depression, frustration, confusion ensues! Ignorance ceases to be bliss.
Relax there is a solution! But first there are some key questions to ask ourselves -
1. What is the purpose of living? Is it to glide through life being subjected to everyone else’s beliefs, or is it to take back control and discover one’s own purpose, discover what we are really about, discover what we really truly believe, to reconnect with ourselves at a truly meaningful level and find a deep happiness and truth of our own souls.
2. Do we really want to be happy, fulfilled and successful?
3. Are we relying on others to provide our happiness?
4. Do we rely on ‘things’ to cover up the pain of our deep seated needs to make us happy?
Asking questions like this provokes a new thinking and new perspectives. We can begin to re evaluate. They might stop us in our tracks and wake us up to new possibilities.
I’ve had great turning points of ‘beliefs’ Major life changes of what I had taken as ‘red’ and thought I believed, to knee jerk wakeup calls to reality. The road has been extremely bumpy, as once I recognised that what I believed were someone else’s beliefs, it left a huge void and emptiness. I knew I didn’t believe xyz anymore, but then it left the question of what do I believe then?
I didn’t want to replace old beliefs with another set of someone else’s belief again, I wanted to come to my own conclusions, find my own anchors, my own truth and most importantly be congruent and aligned therefore truly authentic about who I am and what my purpose is.
Delving deep into so many contradictions, so many conspiracies, hurts, pains, fears and confusions and coming out with a new insight of myself, I am compelled to share my discoveries to maybe help you to find your truth, be aligned and congruent with what you really feel and believe and therefore find real happiness.
Fear is the reason behind so many ‘default’ beliefs and not surprisingly as our society has been built on thousands of years of fearful events. If you didn’t tow the line you could be burnt at the stake, be hung drawn and quartered, lose your head to name just a few. Inherent in our ancestry is a deep memory of those inherited fears.
We are told in certain religions that we were born in sin, we would go to hell is we stepped out of line etc and this was in the name of ‘Gods love for us. Such emotional contradictions act as a huge inhibitor to let go and allow ourselves to express what we really feel about anything!! These instilled programmed beliefs keep us wrapped in their own values and as such tend to prevent us from ever discovering who we truly are or enlightened about anything
My own experience of being told hell was my only destination if I didn’t do what I was told clung like glue in my emotional self for many years. I remember on one occasion, having painted a very large beautiful picture of Jesus, surrounded by children, for the opening of a new extension to a church I belonged to at the time, on delivering it was told by the Pastors wife to leave immediately as such ‘icons ‘ were not appropriate for the church! ‘That’s strange’ I said ‘as the Pastor himself had asked me to do it’. On ‘discussing’ this further with the Pastors wife I was informed that I was full of sin and unless I mended my ways I would go to hell. On asking where that was exactly, to the very annoyed wife, who actually couldn’t answer me, I decided not to return to that church or any other for that matter, but left the painting anyway!
Having had a few of these interesting experiences at various other churches I decided that this wasn’t a way forward to freedom and happiness. I don’t think Jesus would argue with that, as His theme of love, compassion and understanding didn’t seem to have a place in some of His followers hearts.
But that apart, I decided I’d go it alone for a while, test out what believing in nothing would feel like. I admit I had help from my son who rejoiced in the fact I’d finally come to my senses and ‘put that nonsense’ behind me!
But there was so much more to know, and so much I didn’t know, hiding in some misguided comfort of believing what others had determined I should believe. I saw it, and still do, as a great new exciting adventure, discovering things about myself I’d never even thought about before. The new found exhilaration for life has been life changing. To discover I, me, Joy, could design my own life, have my own thoughts, feelings and happiness has been a true revelation.
So How Do You Know If You Don’t Know? My answer is get out there and find out! William Turner the great 19th century painted, who was my idol for many years, tied himself to the mast of a ship to experience what the elements felt like; experiencing this he was able to express that in his paintings. This set him apart from any other painted in his day as you can really feel that energy in his work. But I digress –
It hasn’t been an easy journey, I‘ve felt lost, desperate and isolated on many occasions, but this actually made me more determined to discover more. Take a child’s comfort blanket away and they will scream, but they have to grow up sooner or later, and that is what I feel exactly. I’ve grown up; I’ve stopped hiding behind some misinterpreted text, rules and regulations based on fear and damnation, crazy social niceties and conforming to keep the peace.
I’ve become a rebel for happiness, life and the joy of living.
Join me in this magical journey to the real truth of yourself, your specialness and joy of life, you can Be, Do and Have anything you want, you just have to decided you want it, I can show you how….contact me by messaging me through Noomii or joy@joyfahey.com