3 Steps If Accused of an Affair
Posted on March 06, 2016 by Matthew Hoelscher, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
Men will often with draw and apologize profusely which simply infuriates a woman more! Here are the three steps to follow.
Steps If Accused Of An Affair and Are an Innocent Man
In a court of law, you are innocent of an affair or infidelity until proven guilty. Under the law of marriage, you are guilty if she feels you are guilty and vice versa. If you act like you’re guilty, trying to prove you are innocent, you are as good as convicted!
At some point, every marriage will face a point where another person has entered the gray area between friendship or co-worker into emotional affair and possibly physical affair.
Guys, you may think you are tricky, but your will eventually pick up the scent if they feel something is going on. When they do, they will start to test you and eventually get to a point of making an accusation towards you. They are gauging your reaction before making a final judgement.
For a women, wondering if they have lost your heart to another woman drives them crazy. The moment they feel they cannot trust you fully, they will keep picking at you until they find the proof of the infidelity they are looking for.
Unfortunately, in marriage, you do not have the right to remain silent. In fact doing so will just make things worse. First, try to understand what you are doing that could be making her feel this way. Review the three points below and then sit her down for a good conversation to get this cleared up. If you do not, it will eat away at your wife and she will not give you any peace until it’s resolved.
1. Deal with Jealousy
There is usually a lot of jealousy that builds as your wife/girlfriend wants more attention and time with you. She can feel jealous or cheated that you are spending your time and attention on phantom women.
Most men will diffuse, deny, get angry, withdraw, and disengage from the conversation. Your insignificant other will read this as avoidance of facing the truth.
Put the phones away, get a babysitter and spend some one on one time with your wife discussing her feelings. What lead her to this? What has changed about you? What has changed with her? Something is bothering her and it is best to address it.
Admit your feelings for your wife and the feelings you have for another women, if any. Apologize for creating feelings of jealousy and admit to not realizing that your wife needed more of your time and attention. All women want is to feel valued.
2. Make an outpouring of affection
When men get stressed, they get logical and focused. When women feel a surge of emotion, it is like they are in a fog and cannot see. Trying to logically explain your way out of a fog, with no point of reference is impossible. The best thing you can do is to go into the fog directly and lead her out by the hand.
Make a point to take your wife out and spend some time on activities she enjoys. Write her a letter, a card, and doing something that takes a little more effort than just buying some flowers.
Take some time alone and reflect on all the things you are grateful for that involve your wife or girlfriend. Write them down and share them with her.
This is also a good time to reflect on your needs and what you want more of in your relationship. Often people fall into the trap of the “new” pastures. Any new connection with a new person is more exciting than a person we already know intimately.
3. Understand your brain and desire
Love exists in our heart. We are love and we express love towards others. Loving is a verb, it is an action we do to another person. Our brain has three separate areas for desire, romance, and attachment. Often jealousy is expressed as the opposite to the attachment as someone is taking something that is yours, that “belongs” to you or is depriving you of your full experience with your mate.
The fact that your partner is having an emotional reaction is actually a positive sign that they still feel attachment and desire for you! When a women doesn’t care, then it is really game over. If have not taken any action, but everything suddenly starts seems peaceful, she stops picking at you and life seems almost normal again, look out. If you didn’t actively resolve the issue, she has simply stopped caring. Don’t think it has just gone away. If someone is feeling left out and ripped off, you better start making it up to the them quickly. No one forgets feeling betrayed!
Assuming you still really love and desire your partner, it is time to start acting like it. You should have diffused a lot of the jealousy by your big outpouring of affection. A night of passionate lovemaking should take care of the rest.
I offer a 3 session relationship reboot for couples that are suffering from the effects of a suspected infidelity, an emotional affair and one that has been recently discovered.
Call me today for a free 17 minute strategy session to see if Parent Marriage Coaching is the right option for you?
305.986.2905
