Why I Think Being Your Best is a Sham

Posted on February 29, 2016 by Dawn Camacho, One of Thousands of Career Coaches on Noomii.

The day I was ordained, the music minister said something to us—it wasn’t a big speech—just a statement, made almost in passing, that has stuck with me every day since: “It is forever that you will be called Reverend.” There was nothing up to this point I had ever really felt that I would be forever. For many years, I’d gone from idea to idea, job to job, project to project, and city to city, yearning to find my ‘one true thing’. I had always longed for that magical niche to claim as my own—that one thing that I, of all people, could claim as my area of authority. But I think I knew, even in that moment, that I could only own up to that title if I let go of the idea that I would ever do it ‘just right’. If let myself get caught up in the notion that no one would want a minister who sighs and whines a lot, someone who was still not fully versed in many aspects of the major traditions, someone who still sometimes get insecure about her marriage or snaps at her son (even if he’s just getting distracted in the same way she does), then I would have stopped before I began. And I am so thankful that somehow, I knew it was okay to just be myself. Even though, on that day, I still had no idea what I would do with my ministry, I knew I had found my path.

My only sticking point with The Four Agreements is that I disagree with the idea that we should always ‘do our best’. Always? What a load of pressure! Don’t get me wrong. I’ve had my fair share of achievements. In fact, throughout my education, I was often in advanced courses, or placed with the honors students…somewhere at the bottom of the class. A steady B/B+ achiever. Maybe it’s because I’m Canadian.. I think Canadians have an unofficial motto— Go for it! You can be Second Best! Go for the Silver! During the opening ceremony of the Vancouver Winter Olympics in 2010, the Canadian icons pause as the fourth ice pillar never makes it out of the floor for the lighting of the torch. “Here, at this point, when you want perfection, “ says the announcer, “it appears we have something slightly less..” My husband, David, does his version of the Canadian anthem, “Oh….”, shaking his head, “Canada…” .

Now, I have the incredible good fortune of waking up and doing what I love every single day. Part of that had to do with letting go of any notion of what I “should” be doing with my life. I started my coaching practice about three years ago, because it was the first time in my life that I was finding, in my work as a minister, that I got to wake up every day and do what I love, that it was meaningful work, and that I was good at it! I had never had all three in alignment before, and longed to help others connect with that reality for themselves. I often find that what holds clients back from pursuing a purpose that would truly fulfill them is the feeling that they don’t know enough, couldn’t be good enough, and can’t see it all figured out.

And back to the thing of me always being second best—you know what I’ve found? People long to learn from someone who has been through the same challenges—someone who’s just a little further down the path from them and can show them the way. We don’t want to be inspired by someone who looks, sounds, and acts as though they were born into perfection. We want to hear the wisdom of someone who’s fulfilled, who’s in the flow, who’s loving what they do, but who’s got the bruises to show for it—the underdog, the one who didn’t always get the top grades, the one who has stumbled and fallen and risen again. Here’s the other thing I’ve found—the clients I’ve witnessed taking the plunge into a new path who go for it- who aren’t sure if they’re stepping in the ‘right’ direction, but who take a step, any step, anyhow—are the ones who make it more quickly, more efficiently, bigger and better- than those who stay in analysis paralysis. Even if they have to self-correct along the way. (Am I the only one who repeatedly wishes I could hit “Control Z” on myself when I say or do the wrong thing?) Even if, by starting on one path, they get clear that another direction is the way.

So just do it.

Take one teeny tiny step- make that call, apply for that ‘random’ job, take someone new to lunch.

Be second best.