"Because I’m Happy” or How Happiness Research Can Help You
Posted on January 31, 2016 by Sarah Phillips, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
How to be happy.
“I just want to be happy- I’m tired of feeling sad.” So lamented a client of mine after she had endured a few unsuccessful dating relationships. She wanted to know what she could do to be content in her life- not necessarily to be involved in another romantic relationship. It led me to again peruse the latest “happiness” research- studies that focus on discerning what really makes people happy. As Pharrell Williams croons in his song “Happy,” “…Clap along if you know what happiness is to you….”
Contrary to many of our beliefs, money, material possessions, intelligence, education, age, gender, or attractiveness do not seem to make people happy!
Some of the most important determinants of happiness, according to research, are:
Family and Relationships. People who develop close relationships fulfill two human needs- the need for social connections and the need for personal growth. Superficial friendships do not accomplish the same connectedness. Expressions of deep feelings and thoughts bring us closer to others and enhance our feelings of being truly alive. If you have no family, try to create one by reaching out to others and joining support groups, a faith group, or a group that shares your interests. Accept social invitations whenever you can or initiate a social activity. Personal networking rather than simply on-line contact is superior. Hugging and other forms of physical touch produce endorphins which make us happier!
Meaningful Work. We experience greater joy when we are delving into activities that cause us to forget ourselves and almost lose track of time-whether we are getting paid or not! Gardening, composing music, working with children, writing, leading others, balancing budgets, or even playing sports can all be considered meaningful, engrossing work. When we finish a challenging task utilizing our gifts and talents, we have a sense of accomplishment and, as Abraham Maslow describes it, a feeling of self-actualization. .
Religion. Many studies show that “subjective well-being” correlates significantly with religious certainty, strength of one’s relationship with God, prayer experiences, and participatory and devotional aspects of religion regardless of age, income, and marital status. Church membership also offers social support, particularly for those members who have lost other means of support (e.g. retirees and widows, widowers).
Positive and Rational Thinking. When we think rationally and positively about events and experiences, we allow ourselves to feel happier. Not landing an important contract doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It simply means you have another opportunity to learn from any mistakes and land an even bigger contract! Focus on your achievements rather than imagined failures.
Gratitude. As some studies have emphasized, part of happiness is not comparing ourselves negatively with other people. Trying to “keep up with the Joneses” often leads to dissatisfaction and lowered self esteem. Be content with the house that you own rather than longing for someone else’s larger home (which may be harder to clean!). Writing or posting in a gratitude journal is a concrete way to increase your feelings of well-being.
Forgiveness. Letting go of resentments and negative thoughts about someone can change you more positively than the recipient of that forgiveness. Not forgiving puts stress on your body which can lead to depression and poorer health. Often, praying or thinking about the person positively who has wronged you can soften your heart and make it easier to forgive, thus allowing you to feel happier.
Volunteerism or Giving to Others. Many people state that what eradicated their depression was focusing on others. Though it may be a cliche, different types of giving can take us out of ourselves and contribute to a “helper’s high.” Volunteering to teach skills, listening to others, doing needed chores for others, raising funds for others etc. can contribute to our happiness. Researcher Elizabeth Dunn found that spending money on others yields greater happiness than spending it on oneself.
Exercise. A Duke University study shows that exercise can be just as effective over the long term as medication in treating depression. Exercise releases good endorphins which increase feelings of well-being as well as promoting good health. Exercising in groups can provide a double benefit- better health and social interaction.
If you can incorporate most of these causes of happiness, you may well be singing the “Happy” song with Pharrell before long!
Written by Sarah Phillips. Sarah has a Master’s Degree in Psychology(M.S.), is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor(L.M.H.C.) in Florida, a National Certified Counselor(N.C.C.), a National Certified Clinical Mental Health Counselor(C.C.M.H.C.), and a YB12 Life Coach.
