Love

Posted on January 27, 2016 by Nalin Kotari, One of Thousands of Spirituality Coaches on Noomii.

LOVE

Love is the most transformative medicine For Love slowly transforms you Into what psychedelics only get you to glimpse. (Ram Dass,1990, p.157)

Our Spirit is Love, and when we realize ourselves to be Spirit, it is as though the channel opens up and Love can flow from within. It fills us with a sense of wholeness, because this Love lacks nothing and is complete in itself. As this endless stream of sustenance arises from the Ground of Being and warms our heart, we lose our craving for love from the exterior world; even though our desires of flesh and blood are still here and delightful to enjoy, they no longer haunt us. The human appetite for love and intimacy is a beautiful and natural aspect of life through the mortal body. Play! Enjoy! But do not mistake this desire for the longing to unite with the Divine. Eternal Love cannot be acquired through union with the “perfect soul mate.” Intimate relationships become a trap when they are a substitute for seeking the Supreme Being. Because as long as this natural human need is filled from outside ourselves, we are like addicts, constantly looking for the next fix, as no one and nothing can ever provide enough quality or quantity of love to satisfy ego for very long. Am I still loved today by everyone? If not, what trick can I perform to make you love me? Before we are nurtured from the Infinite, our desire for confirmation from other people is bottomless. As long as we are on that ego merry-go-round, we are feeding that which needs to be destroyed in order to make room for the real thing, which never needs a refill.

FREEDOM KEEPS LOVE ALIVE: Whether with regard to people or situations, do not try to direct or control the current of love. It flows where it flows, and we must let it, as only freedom keeps it alive. Love needs no supervision and cannot be manipulated. Do not adjust your mask or role-play in order to charm someone. Demanding sticky love creates separation. Sooner or later, people will find out who we really are, so we might as well lay it out there and attract those who love us for what we are at any given time. Do not chase people. We must respect when love does not spontaneously come toward us from others. If you want a relationship to be short and miserable, cage your partner in. Once the need to secure love for tomorrow is released, wholehearted love has oxygen to come to life. We feel moved when surrounded by authentic and unconditional love.

UNTIL TRUTH DO US PART: Love cannot be made permanent by a written agreement. The only
commitment we can make is to Truth. Healthy and fruit-bearing relationships last “until Truth do us part.” Anything less limits the relationship’s full potential. This can be a challenging relearning, as we have been raised under the threat that in order to belong, we must follow through and be beautiful, successful, powerful, helpful, and kind. I am not saying to walk out on all relationships that contain struggle; stop showering; ignore your education, career, and people in need; and share whatever is on your mind with everyone who annoys you. But when our behavior is driven by anything other than what feels true in each interaction, we are attempting to control that which is Divine business, and we are moving in the wrong direction and for the wrong reason. When we obey our personal mind, we are no more than a programmed robot drifting farther and farther away from Source, away from sensing the right action in each encounter, and deeper into unhealthy and wilting relationships. Perhaps you have to face a good amount of fear before you can free yourself from our cultural mannerisms. Only by looking to Truth first can a relationship be fully alive and genuinely loving for as long or as short as it is written.

A true friend is not merely someone you like or who is like you — they could be quite unlike you in most respects — but one whose allegiance is firstly to Truth — not to you. . . . [S]uch a friend is rare indeed! (Mooji, 2011)

EVOLVING THROUGH RELATIONSHIPS: We tend to fall in love with people who vibrate at our own psychological and spiritual maturity levels. And all relationships, healthy or not, serve a valuable function on our spiritual path, if we are prepared to look at our own contribution to what makes them stressful. We have been taught to fear absence of acceptance unless we behave according to certain rules as opposed to acting on our intuition. But love does not grow in such a climate. We have to be willing to continuously risk the end of a relationship by being loyal to Truth first. Truth must come before our hunger to be loved — it is unattached and impersonal yet the most intimate form of passion. Your obligation is to Truth only. Do not put on loving behavior because you think it is “the right thing to do,” you can still be respectful. It is better to say nothing than to put on a show. Obligatory love is cowardly and not nurturing to anyone, so quit pretending. Ego-driven love is given out of desire for approval or fear of rejection and has an artificial, demanding, and demonstrative energy about it. Of course, egos can also be genuine, but there is a very different feel to the quality of love coming from the Undivided: completely unconditioned and never shared just to be polite. Truth is actually the only real love, even when it temporarily hurts. Trust and follow Truth, for sincere love flows from there.

If we do not embrace challenges arising in our relationships as Divine invitations to personal evolution, our egos will harden, and the relationship might survive but not thrive. Our unexamined fears will protect us from self-inquiry and prevent spiritual growth. But if both of you are drawn to seeking Truth at any expense, even the possibility of your relationship ending, you could rejoice in the processes that help ego fall away and evolve together. Continuously letting go of personal agendas is required in order for love to stay alive. There is always love, but perhaps not the way ego would like it. Healthy love is effortless play, for fun and for its own sake. It does take courage to bypass the mind and live directly from the Heart. But to fly, you must be willing to jump off the cliff. Even if you end up sitting in a pile of broken bones, you will not regret it. Wings of Truth eventually will carry you to the land of freedom, lightness, gratitude, and bliss. There is no melodrama here. Sure, starting to live by this principle might at first cause many structures in your life to crumble. But do you want to be high without drugs or not? Then be an authentic lover. It is the only way to swing to ever-higher altitudes of our Infinite Universe.

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
— Rumi

VARIOUS MANIFESTATIONS OF LOVE: Love comes through living organisms in a variety of ways. Like energy, love can never be destroyed, only change form. Sometimes anger can be an expression of love. We must be willing to risk pain in ourselves and in others for the Truth. Divine Love is constant, but the relationships it blows through, like everything organic, are in ceaseless transformation, always in stages of emergence, growth, and deterioration.

We can love equally deep with or without a craving to be intimate. Lusting for sex with another person is an additional ingredient in some attractions but does not mean that we love that person “the most.” Love is not really measurable in the way that a dual mind likes to rank everything. Whether familial, friendly, or romantic love, it should feel good, nurturing, easy, fun, and heartwarming to both giver and receiver.

Mature love is Spirit connecting with Spirit and taking delight in other people just as they are. Only go into and stay in a relationship where you have no agenda for your partner, no wish or hope that this person will change. If you want change, get to work on yourself or leave, unless your partner not only happens to desire the same kind of change you are wishing to see, but voluntarily and enthusiastically acts toward it now. If you are interested in self-inquiry, but your partner is not, there is little fertile ground within the relationship for spiritual growth.

PAIN, ENDINGS and OPPORTUNITIES: Some relationships create extreme pain: family, professional, or friends. Do not waste this unparalleled opportunity for personal growth. Whoever you are drawn to or repulsed by is your best teacher in that moment, if you are open to receiving the messages of life with curiosity and zero judgment against yourself or others. When we can bow to the lessons hardship brings us, we will taste the warm joy of gratitude and freedom. It does not mean that we stay in an unnurturing circumstance. We might want to set up boundaries or even withdraw completely. But before you bail on a union that no longer attracts you, find out why! How did you yourself contribute to the distress? If you come to clearly see what it is or was in you that contributed to the creation of a situation you now wish to leave, you will not attract the same state of affairs all over again.
Unfortunately, the most common reason for relationships ending is that one partner blames the difficulties on the other person, leaves with zero awareness of having any shadows of his or her own, and consequently attracts a new relationship that will manifest the exact same struggles. And on it goes this way until our personal will (ego) starts to break, and we are desperate to give anything for true love, even a good look at ourselves, and the reason why we have been attracting the same kind of relationship over and over again. At this point, we roll up our sleeves and get to work in our weed-filled garden.

PARENTING: Once a relationship is no longer nurturing or supportive to all involved, it is time to move on. But family is different, as children do not have a choice to leave when proper care is lacking. Becoming a parent is not a right but an honor. We must continually view parenting as a sacred gift. Our children have a lot to teach us as well. If you want to do something for a child, yours or not, even if you are strangers who just meet once for a brief moment, be the one the child knows will always love him or her unconditionally. This kind of love lays a foundation of security and peace that will be present for the child even when you are not. If you were not fortunate enough to be raised with true love, please know that it is never too late to heal this wound — never. Love is the most transformative agent. All it takes is one person, even if he or she is a professional you pay to listen to, treat, and guide you. There are many Buddhas disguised as healers, neighbors, colleagues, or children. And it is not their wise words or the number of hugs they give that heals, but the quality of their presence.

LONELINESS: The biggest gifts life has given me have without doubt been difficult relationships and loneliness. I am forever grateful to the people and events that highlighted where my own shadows were hiding and where my conditioning blocked the Divine life force. If without reservation, complaint, or resistance we take responsibility for our contribution to disappointing relationships and fully sink into the heartbreak of loneliness, eventually there will be an opening through which your True Nature can come through. Evolution takes care of us when we relax into tolerance of whatever is happening. Every feeling experienced 100 percent against its own edge comes upon its opposite, which in the case of loneliness would go from “It hurts so much to be lonely, I can’t take it anymore” to “nothing is missing, I am One with Source and nourished from within.” Universal Love is what we are, but it cannot flow until we awaken to its presence. When the existence of boundless Love surges through us, even if troubles come our way and even if we spend our days without company, depression or loneliness is no more. Instead, there is an enormously liberating, immense sense of freedom and peace.

FLOW FROM THE HEART: After we awaken, when identity shifts from ego to Source, guidance
automatically comes from there: “What feels right in your heart is not wrong for anybody else” (Mooji, 2012). Others may not like your choices, but when decisions flow from the Heart, they are not wrong for anyone. Awakened beings are not capable of playing roles or engaging in social games of any kind. They share their love because it bubbles over and never in order to feel special or get something in return. Waking up is kind of like falling in love with ourselves, our Real Selves, which is no different from other. This is why we cannot truly love another without loving ourselves first— until we awaken, judgment blocks the movement of Love. When we have seen the Divine in ourselves, we see it in everyone else as well.

Prior to recognizing that each opinion we hold of someone is a reflection of a weed in our own system, we remain out of love with the world around us. If all your conditionings and identities were cleared, there would be nothing in you to trigger negative feelings toward others. You would also no longer choose your connections according to who reinforces your ego or does not threaten it in any way. Additionally, you would have patience with and compassion for oblivious behavior, as you would know that ignorance is unconscious and unintentional.

The recognition of your Eternal Nature is self-love, and the consequence of its full maturation is like falling in love with everything and everyone. Pure Love is what liberated beings are. It is at all times here but not always directed at anything or anyone in particular. A Sage’s presence can be very quiet. S/he does not necessarily walk around with a look of permanent glee, hugging each person he or she passes. But in a Sage’s proximity, you feel complete trust, warmth, nonjudgment, definitely loved, and perhaps even healed.