The Purpose of Pain

Posted on January 27, 2016 by Nalin Kotari, One of Thousands of Spirituality Coaches on Noomii.

THE PURPOSE OF PAIN

One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. — Carl Gustav Jung

Through pain, we are indirectly shown where joy is, which direction to move in. And through joy, we know our true place. Pain is an invitation from Spirit to change direction and come home. But when things do not go the way we want them to, we rarely say, “Thank you for showing me the way.” Instead, we say, “Something went wrong” or “I have a problem.” We feel let down, surprised or shocked, sad or devastated, and perhaps also angry. But things “going wrong” is part of life. And a situation is only a “problem” when our mind has a negative opinion about what is happening. It is our argument with life that creates “problems.”

The solution is always right in the middle of what we consider to be the problem, and fear blocks the answer. Fear comes when we insist on a particular outcome, or have an investment in something we are not willing to lose. But we do not understand the definition of loss until we see life from the perspective of our Original Nature, and many of us need something to transcend in order to awaken, which is how pain fits into the evolutionary process. Things “going wrong” is Eternity interjecting in our life by questioning the way we are participating, encouraging us to go beyond duality, although duality is required in order to grok nonduality. We need the dual expressions and language to recognize the nondual and thereby make the Divine conscious.

Everyone gets their share of challenges, and what we resist not only persists but comes back with increasingly brutal force over and over and over again until we are willing to face it. Provocations are calls from within to transcend our false sense of self, to go beyond our “problems.” Our destiny can unfold so much more smoothly if we stop paying attention to our mind’s compulsive interrupting, interfering, interpreting, labeling, and packaging of everything. What happens happens, regardless of our opinions about it. Any of our objections to life are really only one and the same problem: our perception of reality, our relationship with it, and our resistance to it. So look within for the solution.
Delaying solutions is like ignoring one mouse. They keep multiplying behind our walls until they take over the entire house, country, continent, or planet! As stated in Chapter 6: The “problems” that each of us as well as humanity as a whole are suffering are created by our ordinary human mind. Our disasters are caused by the loving well-intended mind as much as the devious one:

The greater part of violence that humans have inflicted on each other is not the work of criminals or the mentally deranged, but of normal, respectable citizens in the service of the collective ego. (Tolle, 2006, p.73)

So our problems are not the problem. The real problem is that the very minds that create trouble also presume to know how to fix it. The reason for unnecessary struggle and suffering is our failure to delegate decision making to the Universal Intelligence. The invitation in each disaster is to look at how we participate in creating it. When we shift our attitude to welcoming adversity as our opportunity to evolve past “problems” or, rather, to expand beyond our limited selves, a whole new world opens up. Failure, disappointments, and pain become our friends and initiate the crucial work of self-inquiry. Because everything that is happening “out there in the world” is a reflection of our own interpretations or actions, the only way out of problems, personal or worldly, is to first go deep inside ourselves.
Some situations are extremely trying, but facing each hurdle head on the very moment it appears, or at least as soon as possible, is the only way out of suffering, not only for yourself but also for humanity as a whole. Once we fully and truly receive difficult situations with respectful curiosity, they are no longer so difficult. They become the freeing agents they are meant to be. The intensification of profoundly malevolent behavior around our planet today is the Unchanging attempting to push humanity into awakening. Have we had enough? Facing misfortune with a humble heart and empty mind as opposed to an ignorant, arrogant, and angry mind opens the door to the Infinite and allows the right response to arise.

In situations of extreme pain, such as the death of a loved one or other kinds of unfathomable trials, “welcoming adversity” is understandably a bit much to digest. In such situations, we have no strength or perspective to “evolve past” a sadness that is drowning us, no ability to remain balanced and witness the chaos. So when severe pain comes to visit, you must allow it 100 percent. Even 99.5 percent is not enough. This is true for smaller pains as well. Holding back or repressing not only delays healing but places additional symptoms in the body. When we unconditionally accept that there is nothing we can do to change the reason for our pain and nothing we can do to remove the pain itself, relaxation happens. We give up. We let grief have us. This is the beginning of true healing. When you think you cannot bear it anymore, go one step further, and there you will discover that you can bear anything.
When the flash flood of emotional pain rolls in, the key to powerful processing and effective recovery is to not feel sorry for yourself! Pull self- pity out of the sadness. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of removing self-pity from pain. The reason is that it serves neither the healing nor the spiritual journey. Self-pity prolongs pain and reinforces ego. Do not allow it. The slight but crucial shift of removing self-pity feels like going from heavy to less heavy, from closed to open, from holding on to the pain to letting it through. So trust, let go, and permit pity-less pain to rush through you unreservedly. Allow yourself to be taken over by the emotion. It is very easy to slip back into self-pity, so most likely you will catch yourself a few times and have to stop feeling sorry for yourself over and over again until there is only uncontaminated pain coming through. Trust that every flood empties itself out. The pain will be swept away, but you will not, because you are held by the Invisible Presence. Be out of control if you need to. Do not hold back one bit. To hell with what the neighbors might think of the sounds coming from your home. Pay attention to your breathing, relax, and let grief flush into and out of your system. For as long as it takes, cry, scream, and grant whatever emotions come. Acknowledge them without reservation and know that they will pass. You will not drown. You will soar to even higher planes of existence.

If we choose to hold on to pain, identify with our wound, feel sorry for ourselves, and be victims, we allow the hold that ego has on us to strengthen. We will break and remain in the vicious cycle of suffering until we are willing to stop blaming exterior circumstances and take responsibility for our own agony. We have to be flexible to not break. Watch a tree in a flash flood: Its roots stay deep and firm below the earth as its unfazed trunk gently rocks above.
Please also seek and accept loving support. Someone who can witness big emotion with warm and unfazed reverence is your best friend. For many people this is difficult, because your pain will touch a place in them where they might not ready to go. So their best crack at helping you will come from a dual place with clichéd offers of comfort, false hope, or pity, which you do not need. What they are really doing is just trying to protect themselves from feeling their own fear and pain. So choose your support team carefully. And, of course, you can always pay a carefully selected professional to guide you.

Challenges appear whether we like them to or not, but they also come with whatever coping strategies are necessary, so do not waste time worrying about the future, which does not exist and never will and is out of your control anyway. For every challenge we openly witness, something shifts inside us that makes the next one easier to face. “Facing” means surrender, and “surrender” means allowing. It does not mean permitting external circumstances that are cruel, abusive, dishonest, or dangerous. It means surrendering to the Truth in each situation, which in a nonloving circumstance would be to withdraw and get help. In an internal situation where you are the one manifesting darkness, it could mean acknowledging regret or shame and requesting professional support and guidance. Our conditioned behaviors are very robotic. That is how we recognize them. It feels as if we had no control over what we did. In the beginning, we catch our behaviors after that fact, after we have said or done something out of sync with Truth and Love. But we can choose to admit our mistakes, forgive ourselves, and start taking direction from the Heart.

It is also damned powerful and transformative to nakedly receive the lashings of failures. The more complete and crushing the heartbreak, the more personal will surrendered, the more ego that falls away, the bigger the opening will be.

Another immensely important component of the spiritual journey is your willingness to cope alone, as very few want to be associated with what our culture considers “failure.” Not many are prepared to face the fear your defeat will bring up in them. All you need to hold on to is unquestionable faith that each circumstance is a Divine offering. Greeting pain with an open heart and mind makes the soil exceptionally fertile for awakening. Warm Eternal Love will get you through the night and guide your next step. Rapture is at the end of every road walked with integrity.

Healing the sickness of the Human Race can only start with our own awakening. After we come into our Divine Self, we will be used one way or another, but until then we will not be very effective, even if our actions have loving intentions and, to mortal eyes, seemingly positive results. In other words, as long as we assume that we know what needs to be done and how it should be done, we will keep creating problems. We can never be absolutely sure about a decision made by our unawakened self. An ego, however mature, kind, and responsible, cannot take in enough facts to be 100 percent certain about the right course of action in any situation:

The denial of hierarchy is one of the most significant manifestations of the postmodern ego. . . . The enlightened perspective itself has become just another point of view as opposed to being our guiding principle. (Jarrett, 2013, p.40)

Recovery from human suffering requires that we surrender our illusory sense of power and awaken to the understanding of how the Universe is put together. When a Sage uses the word “I,” s/he means the Greater Intelligence to which the Sage delegates decisions:

In such an amoral cultural climate, where nothing is held as higher than any individual’s opinion based on the momentary fluctuation of thoughts, emotions and sensations . . . [w]hat is required is an identity shift to core values . . . [w]here Spirit is in the driver’s seat as the motivating force for speech and action and the values of Spirit are the reference point for all experience.
(Jarrett, 2013, p.40)

For many, it may appear a daunting leap to cease being guided by our personal mind and emotions. But when humility brings you to your knees and you are ready to jump off the cliff, wearing wings made of faith in the Vital Force only, the world will cooperate, and a high like no other will carry you. When something flows smoothly in life, it usually has little to do with decisions made by our unauthentic self. Biological evolution shows us that delegation is a necessity for the entire organism to function. In giving away the illusory personal power we never really had, we make room for a new force to rush in. And when the Absolute starts to live through us, we are privileged with the only trustworthy power a mortal can have, and with this, of course, comes the greatest responsibility.
But the power of Light cannot flow through us until we consciously recognize our Undivided Self. As we awaken to the Unborn, sorrow, pain, and challenges may still come our way, but we will relate much differently to these circumstances than when our life was an escape and an endless chase after highs. There are pains with every birth, and although at times it may feel as if our agony will never end, life does not give us more despair than necessary in order for our ego to die. If after awakening we rest as conscious Awareness as much as possible and remain on guard for ego’s inventive attempts to come back and reclaim its throne, we may mature into a vehicle for the evolution of human kind.
Note that Universal Mind will use the positive aspects in our life just as much as the painful ones in its attempt to awaken us. However, the challenge with things “going great” is that we rarely question the deeper meaning behind it. Successes often just become another pleasurable experience or badge for the ego to wear. But once we open our eyes to the fact that Source does not care about our personal agenda, and that every person and situation that cross our path is an invitation to come home, we stop wasting time, lose interest in defending and decorating ourselves, and start undressing.