The power of opposites
Posted on January 12, 2016 by Liana Nicolaou Ferrier, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
Do you sometimes feel that your partner is completely different to you, or that you have different interests and priorities in life?
Maximal evolution occurs at the border between attraction and repulsion, pleasure and pain, order and chaos, like and dislike. Between the extremes lie the light, love, and true power to create the life you aspire to. – Dr. John Demartini.
‘My finances are a mess’, ‘my body is in pain’, ‘I am not happy in my relationship’, ‘my children are disrespectful towards me’, ‘my boss is horrible to me’, ‘I don’t get along with my colleagues’, ‘my life is empty’ and so the list goes on. What is the story you tell yourself?
Too often we get so caught up in the dramas of our lives that we forget to stop and appreciate what is actually working or going well for us. I would like us to do a small exercise. If I was to ask you to complete the following sentence, what words would you use?
‘Life is………………..’
What was the first word that came to your mind? What kind of life do you think someone has if they told you that they completed this sentence with ‘life is a struggle’ or ‘life is hard’ or ‘life is scary’ or what we so often hear, ‘life is a b***h and then you die!’. What do you think would happen if you chose to believe the following statements instead?
-Life is wonderful, -Life is a game, -Life is a dance, -Life is fun, -Life is a miracle, Life is a gift
What kind of impact do these statements have on your psychological state? If you heard a stranger say that life is fun, a dance or a game, what kind of life do you think they would be living?
We all have a story that we tell ourselves irrelevant of our past and present experiences and this story shapes our reality. No doubt, life presents us with many challenges and it is too easy for us to get wrapped up in our problems, but the beauty here lies in the Rule of Polarity.
The biological definition in the Oxford dictionary describes the rule of polarity as: The tendency of living organisms or parts to develop with distinct anterior and posterior (or uppermost and lowermost) ends, or to grow or orientate in a particular direction.
Please note the words ‘develop’, ‘grow’ and ‘orientate in a particular direction’. Just like in physics or biology, if we apply the Rule of Polarity to our lives, then we can develop and grow in life. Everything in life has its opposite. For there to be light there needs to be darkness; there is no inside without outside, for there to be death there had to be life, and no matter how bad the winter is, it is always followed by spring and summer.
Remember, you are experiencing the lowermost end during a personal challenge, so its opposite, which is the uppermost end surely exists, no matter how bad the experience looks; all you need to do is find it! In my coaching practice, I work with my clients to make a list of all the positives their particular problem has brought to their life, and I watch how their minds shift focus. This is the first step in setting and identifying their personal goals. We focus on what they want from their lives, and not on what they don’t want. Once we identify their vision or goal, then we are ready to start making changes to gain the results they desire.
The Rule of Polarity can be applied to anything in your life, but too often we choose to focus on the negative side of things and disregard the positives that come along with it. Starting today, think of a problem that is troubling you and make a list of all the positives that came along with this problem and watch your mindset start to shift.
Liana Ferrier
Certified Life Coach
Author and Speaker
