Let me tell you a story about a woman who would not have sex before marriage

Posted on November 13, 2015 by Bill Conley, One of Thousands of Family Coaches on Noomii.

Let me tell you a story about a woman who would not have sex before she was married.

There once was a very attractive woman that believed that sex before marriage was a sin. At the age of 43 and with four marriages already under her belt, she met her new man. As luck would have it, he shared her beliefs and religion, too. Oh, how she wanted to be intimate! The kissing was great, the chemistry was incredible, and they were so attracted to each other that they could hardly contain themselves. How she yearned to give herself up in passionate love making.

So, what was a good girl to do? Two weeks after their first date, they drove six hours to Las Vegas and got hitched. All of a sudden, she was married to a man she barely knew but they could finally have sinless, amazing sex. Can any of you guess how this is going to turn out?

Well, first of all, neither of told anyone they were married. When they got home, they continued to live apart for a couple of months before putting on a sham wedding in the church with their family and friends.

Oh, all seemed fine at first. She, having been divorced for only a couple of months and receiving a multi-million dollar divorce settlement, appeared happy and in love. No pre-nup, he seemed to be even happier. Prior to hitting pay dirt, the new hubby had been a basement dweller. He was renting a small apartment and on the verge of eviction because he couldn’t afford the rent. He literally didn’t have a pot to piss in and now, his financially worries were over. Finally, he thought to himself, now I will have the money I need to buy the things I could never afford. Talk about luck!

He moved into her 14,400 square foot house that was fully furnished in a swanky part of town, set up shop, continued to not work and sponged off her money, finally enjoying the good life that he so desperately wanted. She (tried) to dazzle her friends and family by purchasing new cars, selling her huge home for millions, moving to a nearby town in the picturesque mountains, buying a new boat, golf carts, and building a custom million dollar house. She told everyone that her new hubby was paying for all the new toys (except without a job or source of any income, that wasn’t exactly true).

Are you with me so far?

Time passed and our maiden in this story was starting to get disenchanted with her fifth husband. Frustration started to set in when she realized new lover boy was not wanting or willing to work and contribute to the finances of running a million dollar lifestyle. He tried to work, but as before, he never really got the hang of making money. “My dear,” he said, “you have plenty of money for the both of us. Your money, which because we are married is now ‘our money’, is enough for you, your children and now me and my three children, too. By the way, did I mention that I am going for full custody of my children? If I win, they’ll be here fulltime! And you’ll get to foot the bill.” That was a surprise.

“What?” she said. “But your children are out of control and I have to yell and scream at them to get them to do anything.”

“Oh my dear, it will all be better when they come to live with us full time,” he said.

“Ah, no it won’t!” she exclaimed. “I don’t want your kids living with us fulltime.”

“Well,” he said, “I really don’t care what you want; I need to punish my ex-wife by filing or full custody of our children so I don’t have to pay child support. Besides, she is so abusive to my children, how could I ever let her have custody?”

By now, our million dollar bride was growing tired of her new man rather quickly. Sure, he was attentive. He accompanied her everywhere like a lost puppy. Sure, she was able to have sex without committing a sin, but at what cost? Literally, at what cost? Let’s see… She quickly burned through a million dollars. She bought herself a huge diamond ring and told everyone he had paid for her ring. See, she told everyone, isn’t my new husband wonderful? She asked everyone. Several cars later, with her (“their”) new house they were building together under construction, she had come to a boiling point in her relationship. Divorce was inevitable. Oh, my God, how am I going to tell everyone I am getting a divorce? What will my friends think and say? Everyone I knew told me not to marry this man, even though they had no idea I had already married him so I could have sex without committing a sin.

So with a divorce in their future, this once loving, committed couple realized a few things about the other person that they hadn’t vetted out in their two week dating process.

Is anyone shocked that they might be headed for divorce?

If you ask me, rushing into a marriage just to have sinless sex is far more damaging and sinful than having sex and taking the time necessary to truly get to know someone prior to marriage. Look at this couple: Did they really think they knew enough about each other to commit to marrying one another? Are you kidding me?

Hormones aside, he married her for her money; she married him because she wanted sex, a husband, and the image.

All parties in the scenario have suffered a great deal, beginning with the couple, their blended family, the extended family, their ex’s, and their friends. And who do you think is the greatest beneficiary in this story? A divorce attorney? The soon to be ex-husband who will now exit this relationship with half the assets? The children of both who now have to suffer through another divorce? The extended families that now have to pick up the pieces and support their loved one as they manage though yet another divorce? No one is happy with the outcome of this situation, with the exception of the attorneys who will likely make out like bandits financially. No one benefits, well, except the soon to be ex-husband who now has more than a pot to piss in.

Taking time to date someone is essential in the mating game. Having an adult, intimate relationship is an essential part in establishing a strong marriage. Cutting corners rarely works out well. Dating for an extended period of time is very important. How long “extended” is can be debated but having the time to thoroughly vet your new mate can’t be done in a few weeks or months. There are reasons relationships fail so learn as best you can why his last one didn’t work out. It’ll be an eye opener. Listen, learn, observe. Give your new relationship time to develop, pay close attention to all the behaviors of your new man. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS, DO NOT IGNORE HIS ACTIONS!!!!!!!

And for goodness sake, enjoy the pleasure of intimacy while you’re dating. It’s one of the most fun, rewarding and bonding part of establishing your relationship. At least don’t say “I do” just so you can have sex. Because if you do, make sure you have the name and phone number of a good divorce attorney programmed into your phone.