Couples counseling a waste of time and money?
Posted on November 12, 2015 by Bill Conley, One of Thousands of Family Coaches on Noomii.
This is part three in a series as it relates to living in a relationship with a sociopath or narcissist. To often counseling is not the answer.
Couples counseling a waste of time and money?
This is part three in a series are you living with a sociopath. This article will take a look at the benefit or lack thereof, of couples counseling.
Have you ever been to a couple counseling sessions where you walked out and said to yourself, this was a complete waste of time and money?
Nothing was resolved.
You spent the entire session defending yourself.
Your partner spent the entire session trying to vilify you, blame you, chastise you, make you out the be the complete cause of all the problems in the relationship.
You sat there and wondered what universe you were living in. Your partner made up the most ridiculous lies, fabricated complete historical revisions of the facts and attempted to manipulate the counselor into believing they were the victim and you were the complete nut case.
The counselor sat there completely confused by how each of you could have the complete opposite view of an event or situation that had previously happened.
Have you left and said, what the hell just happened and why the hell did the counselor lets your partner spew lies and mistruths? Making you look stupid and pathetic?
If you remember one thing about living with a sociopath, remember this. At all times they attempt to control the conversation verbally and will more often than not, make you out to be the bad person and they are most certainly the victim.
DO NOT LET A SOCIOPATH CONTROL THE VERBAL ARGUMENT OR DEBATE.
They are relentless in their pursuit to be right, to punish you, to bash you, to put you down, to make you feel bad and make you crawl back to them. They want to hear you say, over and over again, that you are sorry for hurting them. They want to hear you say, you won’t do that behavior or act again and that you have learned your lesson and will be more careful in the future.
This is such bull crap.
The counseling session in their mind is an opportunity to bash you, punish you, make you look bad, make you out to be the one that needs fixing, that they are a victim of your abuse and that ONLY if you would change, the relationship would flourish and love would be in the air.
This too is a crock of crap.
Couple counseling sessions with a sociopath IS a waste of time and money. The only counseling you need is one on one counseling that helps teach you how to deal with sociopathic behaviors.
Counseling may help you build your self-esteem, help you recognize that you aren’t crazy, teach you how to deal with this insane person and if necessary, how to exit an abusive situation.
Sociopaths don’t like it when you present them with facts. They thrive on the, “He said, she said” scenario. That way they can spew their lies and there is no evidence or proof that they are lying except that you say they are. No way to prove a he said, she said. That is why they love to communicate with you verbally. In the end you can’t prove anything and they can continue to blame everything on you. You are the problem and the only solution is for you to get fixed.
My former spouse and I went to counseling for over 10 years. We spent tens of thousands of dollars on counseling sessions that were a complete waste of time and money. I left frustrated, annoyed and pissed off at the counselor and my wife that my side of the story was not being heard, understood or respected. I kept going thinking one day, this will all get resolved, my side of the story will be heard, she will finally figure out that she has a role in our marital problems and maybe, just maybe, our relationship could be salvaged.
We tried every type of counselor and she insisted I go to a psychiatrist( she insisted I needed medication), a sex therapist, a twelve step program for addicts (I didn’t drink, smoke or use drugs), a psychic, new age healers, psychologist, religious counselors, priests, pastors, bishops, have I left out anyone. In her eyes, she didn’t want to leave any stone unturned, someone will be able to fix me. To this date, she still insists I need to be on medication and that I need help.
Funny thing, I never listened to her and any of the counselors. I knew the truth about our relationship and I continued to tell myself that I had the truth on my side and she had insanity on her side and in the end the truth will prevail and it has!
There will be a great number of counselors that will disagree with me and a great many that will agree. If you are debating whether or not to go to counseling, I suggest you go and see for yourself. You are the judge of the effectiveness of couples counseling and if you find yourself satisfied with the results you had hoped for, stop going.
It is my opinion that couples counseling with a sociopath as your partner is a waste of time and money. Save your money and go on a vacation.
