Be Transparent. Let them see right through you. Honesty eases everything.
Posted on October 21, 2010 by Sarah Seidelmann MD, One of Thousands of ADD ADHD Coaches on Noomii.
This post was inspired by The Joy Junket Manifesto created by Sarah and her Business partner Suzi.
Discomfort can often be traced to an attempt to conceal something about ourselves, or to hide who we really are. How do I know this? Well, I myself spent years trying to give them what they wanted without much success. “THEY” were disappointed. I also call this emotional dishonesty. Many of my brilliant and amazing clients too have spent much energy in trying to hide the parts of themselves they thought others would not like. This is often based out of fear that something is deeply flawed about us. I know. I spent much of my life trying to conceal (mostly unsuccessfully as my friends and family will attest!) what I felt, thought and believed. I had always suspected something was wrong with me. At times, this was exquisitely painful as I felt at times that I was not acceptable as I was. As I child, I learned (I never did master it….thank God!) to squelch myself. I tried to be quieter or more demurring. I discovered, often, that if I did not squelch myself, strong negative feedback was inevitable. To this day, if I am “shushed” I am aware that it can sometimes trigger a “creepy sea monster from in deep” in my subconscious and I want to get mad! It’s like those nasty snowmobiling, machine gun toting subconscious warriors in the film featuring Leonard DeCaprio’s Inception – only my creepy sea monster is not wearing chic European outdoor wear. I NOW know that that is the price we sometimes pay for being true to ourselves and that’s ok. People may not be not interested in hearing what you have to say. They may want to plug their ears. Nobody has to like it. It’s most important that YOU LIKE IT. What you BELIEVE is important to express. This is your truth. Below- Some ideas to get you startedEASYPEASY
If you been a hardcore approval addict for a while- try to enter into the honesty thing gently. Practice being honest about “little things”. Like when everybody at the restaurant says hey- “Are you guys all cool with just want to splitting a quadruple order of the Fish liver sampler platter for dinner?” Say clearly and emphatically “no thanks, I think I’ll just get the eel soufflé”. Every time you flex that
‘truth of me” muscle you will be getting closer to la dolce Vida where everything is ease.
HARDCORE: Let a few key people in your life in on what you are REALLY thinking. Drop the BOMB. By bomb I mean a loving but honest bomb. Do it imperfectly (the only way!) Do it as kindly as possible. Apologize if you have been dishonest in the past- but DON”T apologize for stating emphatically and honestly what you desire or how you FEEL. There may be collateral damage. For ex: :I actually HATE beach vacations honey- I have been completely dishonest about this and that is why I have been a miserable witch while lying on the sand sweating next to you all these years. I long to go on an adventure and LEARN on vacation”. OR “I have been ‘going along’ with this plan to have children but something deep down inside me says I NEVER WANT TO HAVE children- I am so sorry that I never shared this before but there it is”. OR (my personal favorite) “I just don’t want to shop for or receive expensive gifts anymore at the Holidays, from now on I’d like to propose giving each other a used book or CD.” Then, regardless of what everyone says- do what you honestly desire. Some people may never get over it. Others may confess relief (as their essential self was craving the change too).
