Could one word be making you feel guilty, victimized, angry and frustrated?

Posted on September 28, 2015 by Alana Belik, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

The S” word – SHOULD – may be sucking your power and energy. The words we use create our experiences.

Here are some examples of “should” beliefs that I hear often in my practice:

• “I should be further ahead at this point in my life.”
• “I should be 20 pounds thinner.”
• “My children should clean up after themselves.”
• “I should be happier and more grateful.”
• “I should have more money in the bank.”
And the list goes on.

The problem with the word “should” is that is makes us feel either:
• Guilty
• Victimized
• Powerless
• Angry
• Frustrated
• Worried
• All of the above

We can be quite resistant to giving up these feelings because we falsely believe that these feelings are helpful motivators:

• “If I don’t feel guilty about where I am in life, I will become a lazy slob.”
• “If I don’t feel powerless about my weight, I will have to work hard to attain my ideal weight.”
• “If I don’t feel frustrated about my children’s poor habits, they will really get out of control.”
• “If I don’t feel guilty about my lack of gratitude, I will be a bad person.”
• “If I don’t feel worried about my money situation, I will become a bag lady.”

Not only are these statements untrue, but they are the exact opposite of the truth. We cannot be creative and empowered when we are feeling these negative emotions.

SO, the trick is to start to change our words:

“I should” becomes “I want to”, “I will”, “I plan to”. “He should, she should, and they should” becomes “He does not, she does not, and they do not”. “I shouldn’t” becomes “I do not want to”, “I will not”, “I do not plan to”.

• “I want to be further ahead in my life.” I am going to do some research and enlist some help.
• “I plan to be 20 pounds thinner.” I am not going to do another crazy diet or buy any magic pills. This time I am going to find an expert and figure out what is going on with me. By this time next year, my weight will never again be an issue in my life.
• “My children do not clean up after themselves.” Thank goodness they are normal! Lol. Still, I want them to help out a little more so I am going to have a nice, relaxed chat with them to find out what could possibly motivate them to want to clean up after themselves.
• “I want to feel happier and more grateful.” I am going to start a gratitude journal today. I am going to write out a few things for which I am grateful every single day.
• “I will have more money in the bank.” I am going to change my attitude about money and I am going to learn how to grow it.

You get the picture.

What are your “Shoulds”? I challenge you to write them out, change your language and make a plan. Share them with me if you feel so inspired! I would love to hear from you.