Are You Stressed?

Posted on July 24, 2015 by Renee Gebhart, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

Stressed about the end of the school year? Stressed in general? HALT!

I love and hate this time of year. I love getting outside, working in the yard, watching my son play baseball, going to the pool, and celebrating graduations and weddings. And yet, I find my stress level goes up this time of year too. I am not alone. I see “the look” on my friend’s faces. You see, we have school aged children, and after Friday, they will be ours, at home, again. Keeping children entertained is now added to the daily list of “things to do”.

So today I am writing about stress management…..which applies to adults AND children, so this post will not only help those of us with school-aged children, but everybody else too!!

First, let me clarify something. Stress is not bad. We all need a certain amount of it to keep us going…to keep us motivated. But too much stress puts us out of our “window of stress tolerance” and it isn’t pretty when this happens. There is a lot I want to share with you about the window of stress tolerance and how it applies to relationships, but I will save that for a future post. For now, let’s talk about a favorite stress busting tool of mine. It is an acronym borrowed from 12 step programs: HALT.

I like HALT for so many reasons. First, it’s simple to remember. Second, HALT can be used as a quick assessment of you or your loved one’s stress level and as a guide to help that person recover. Third, if applied regularly, it can actually help prevent stress from turning into a full-on meltdown.

HALT stands for:
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

Take one of these HALT factors by itself and you are likely to find a person who is feeling (and possibly showing) stress. Add more than one factor and you will see a meltdown (you know adults throw fits too, right?). Let’s break it down….

HUNGRY: personally, this is the easiest variable for me to be on the lookout for. I am susceptible to low blood sugar, so my family knows the best way to prevent Mom from being “hangry” is to eat good food regularly. However, I find that other people actually forget to eat! They might be so busy with work or having fun, that time just slips away until they experience the energy crash that comes with 1) forgetting to eat and/or 2) from eating/drinking foods that are likely to stress your system, like too much sugar, caffeine, or alcohol, for instance. One person crashing is no fun; a whole family crashing can be a disaster.

ANGRY: there is a lot of variability to this, depending on the person and the day. Generally, the more balanced/regulated a person is, the more space they have to handle irritants and aggravations. If you, your child, or your spouse have a hard day and/or under a lot of stress, don’t be surprised when a seemingly small irritant pushes them over the edge. Be on the lookout for stressors that are physical (how clothes feel, getting too hot outside), mental/emotional (what activities/situations test the limits of patience), and social (who needs more time with others, who needs time alone).

LONELY: We are social beings with a basic need for connection. However, I find many people pass over making plans to connect with others because they feel obligated to put work or family first. Yet spending time with friends is one of the best strategies to prevent stress and burn out, so it is worth making it happen.

Also, not all relationships are created equal. You can be surrounded by people but still have a yearning for a different kind of connection. Mothers surrounded by children need adult conversation. Spouses need quality time to connect. Professionals need others to network with. Children might enjoy playing with cousins but miss their school friends.

Furthermore, I find that the yearning for a quality connection is often an unmet need that goes undetected. It is akin to a firecracker with a long wick. That wick might burn for a good long time but then suddenly, “boom”. So nurture those connections.

TIRED: Making sure children (and adults) get enough good sleep is so important to keeping moods regulated and keeping “negative” behaviors at bay. But tired doesn’t just apply to sleep. Tired can be mental too, liked feeling “tired” of your routine. Or tired can mean being worn out from being on the go or working/playing too hard.

Finally, I’d like to mention that when a child is stressed, and discipline is needed, please delay until both parent AND child are feeling calm. Likewise, resist the urge to face issues “in the moment” with adult significant others and instead delay those conversations to such a time when both parties are calm. I promise you will have a better outcome this way.

To summarize, it is ideal for each person 1) to learn to self assess their stress level and 2) take responsibility to “halt” until they have addressed their needs and get back in their window of stress tolerance. However, sometimes a child, spouse, or co-worker is just a little too foregone for that and we will need to help them figure out what is needed. Use HALT as a guide; it is a good first aid for stress.

Good luck parents! Happy Summer!