Begin Healing the Heart

Posted on July 17, 2015 by Bonnie Duarte, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

Have you ever had a broken heart?

With the risk of sounding arrogant, I already know your answer is YES.

Not only have you had a broken heart, but so have most of the people closest to you. So allow me to share some science that I find fascinating…Did you know that your brain doesn’t know the difference between emotional and physical pain? That’s correct, your brain activates similar areas of the brain whether it is experiencing physical or emotional pain. So this means a broken heart feels the same as a broken leg.

Without getting too scientific, because that is not my forte. I am simply acknowledging that your broken heart is real and it really hurts. The problem is, like most pain you want the pain to disappear. You want it to stop. Nobody wants to hurt, not you, not anyone.

So how do you stop the pain and begin healing the heart?

Here is the part that might be a bit tough to make sense of, so stick with me.

To make the pain go away, you actually have to step into the pain and experience it fully. Yes, this is correct you have to accept it and feel it. I almost feel like I need to apologize for this answer – but I won’t, because this is what it takes to have the pain stop, and this is the only thing that really works.

I know that what I’m saying may feel counter intuitive. Because most people give break up advice that looks like … move on, don’t look back, you can find something better … So I get it! This is definitely different than what you would initially think to do and definitely different than what you would want to do.

Right now, you are trying to avoid the pain and numb the pain or you may find that you are being consumed by the emotional despair. None of this is what I mean when I say experience the pain.

Experiencing pain is a very active conscious choice, it is when you allow your body to feel the sadness, anger, hurt, fear, disappointment, etc… During this time you may cry, write or meditate. But, is is necessary to feel the pain FULLY. This is not a time to control your emotions. You must allow your body to experience the full range of emotions. It is only through this process you begin to heal your heart.

Here is the problem, if these painful feelings are not fully experienced within your body, they will sit in your body unresolved and they will never disappear. They may change and disguise themselves as something else or, they may even find a place to hide, but they will never heal and disappear.

Have you ever had the experience of old emotions showing up out of seemingly nowhere, or have you every been triggered by something that brings up old feelings? Yes? This is a glimpse at what can happen with unresolved painful feelings. An unhealed broken heart will literally stop you from living a happy fulfilling life. You will be guarded, careful and afraid of being hurt again.

Why does this matter?

This matters because you WILL want to love again and be loved again. But, you will never be able to be loved and love the way that you really want to. I know you want to have a juicy, intimate, trusting, loving relationship, you just do not know that this is even possible.

So here is your choice…

Avoid the initial discomfort and difficult emotions now and spend a lifetime of guarding your heart, not trusting others and limiting how much you can love; OR

Move through the emotions and begin healing the heart to discover immense happiness and love.


What do you choose?