Create the Life You Want by Acquiring this One Quality

Posted on June 25, 2015 by Alaisha Capers, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

Do you say yes even when you really don’t want to do something? Do you go out of your way to avoid dealing with difficult situations that involve conflict? Do you often feel intimidated by others? Do you often think, I wish I would have handled a situation better by communicating more effectively? Do you have a hard time speaking up for yourself? Do you allow your voice to go unheard? Well, maybe you are struggling with being assertive and this challenge may be holding you back!

What is Assertiveness?

Assertiveness is the ability to honestly express your thoughts, feelings, and rights in a direct and clear way, while respecting other people and doing so with undue anxiety. Assertiveness is not passive, aggressive, or passive-aggressive communication.

To briefly review each:

Passive communication is not speaking up for yourself, putting your needs last to the needs of others, accepting bullying from others, allowing your voice to go unheard.

Aggressive communication includes forcing your opinion or wishes on other people in a rude, pushy or inconsiderate manner.

You may have also heard of Passive-aggressive communication, which is when the communicator appears to be passive on the surface but really is angry on the inside and acts on this anger in an indirect manner.

Assertiveness is essentially the mid-point between aggressive communication and passive communication. It means:
 Expressing your feelings and your rights
 Acting on your own best interest but considering the rights or needs of others
 Asking for help when you need it

Why is Assertiveness Important? Assertiveness is important because it supports stronger and healthier personal and professional relationships. It benefits the relationships to be able to express both positive and negative emotions. You will be less inclined to having feelings of depression, resentment, frustration, or anger when you are assertive. You will also have less physical complaints such as headaches, and other aches and pains due to the stress and effects of poor communication. Last but not least, you will be respected and even admired! Being assertive will lead to better outcomes for everyone.

Tips on How to Act More Assertively
 You should face the person, make eye contact, and stand up or sit up straight.
 You should speak calmly; not rushed or agitated, and don’t sound like you are complaining or whining.
 Learn to say “No” to invitations that require your participation or involvement.
 When expressing your feelings, state the problem as you see it, how it made you feel and then state what you would like to be different or happen in the future.

After this reading, ask yourself “How assertive am I?” “Can I change my personal and professional life and create successful outcomes by being more assertive?” The decision to be more assertive is an easy one once you realize its unlimited benefits. By being assertive you can get what you want out of life by letting others know what your wants, needs and feelings are. Take charge and be assertive!

Author: Alaisha Capers

Alaisha Capers is a Life Coach and the Founder of Life Works Success Coaching, LLC in the Washington, D.C. metro area. She helps clients fill in the gap between where they are now and where they want to be. She offers flexible options for sessions which can be conducted in person, via telephone or Skype to coach those local and across the miles. Visit her website and blog at alaishacapers dot com for more information.