Personal Life Coaching and the Challenge of Depression

Posted on June 20, 2015 by Arjan Bogaers, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

Heart and Soul Personal life Coaching

Personal Coaching and the challenge of Depression
Any introduction to personal coaching will emphasize that coaching is not therapy, neither is it counseling or psychiatry, although parts of all those modalities will be found in the practicing of personal coaching. Personal coaching is based on the conviction that we have within us the resources we need to live a life of fulfillment, of meaning and in happiness. These resources might yet be unknown to us and need to be uncovered, but they are there.

The experience of depression is, of all experiences, the one that questions that conviction the most. In depression, everything that would give one strength of resolve, a belief in a life purpose and the motivation to take responsibility is ‘depressed’ to such a degree that there is no light. This condition can be exacerbated by the belief that this will go on forever and never end.

Some talk about the ‘gifts of depression’, but, although well-meant and maybe even true, it is like trying to explain the concept of light to someone who is locked in darkness.

The place of personal coaching in depression
Personal coaching can complement whatever support has been chosen in terms of psychiatric help and clinical therapy. Whereas the clinical approach often subscribes, personal coaching will invite you to participate in your well-being. And this is possibly one of the first strengths of coaching: to lead you to the realization that you, in spite of your condition, can be well. You are not your diagnosis. You have a condition, and the associated diagnosis is not a life-sentence, but rather a collection of words that can facilitate your care.

Whole person wellness involves a measure of self-healing, and self-healing begins with self-awareness. This can only be successful if you participate in your process. Especially in the case of exogenous depression, you could start by asking yourself: “What is it within me that is depressed?” or: ‘What is it within me that has been neglected, ignored, forgotten or denied even?”

This sensitive reflection will require some quiet time and honest attention, but it may just gradually reveal a deeper cause.

A five-fold approach
In your efforts to manage your condition, the following five-fold approach has been practiced with considerable success. These aspects each represent 20% as far as your reliance on them is concerned and they do not exist in isolation from one another, but support each other to make up the whole. The following presents a basic outline of each aspect. These outlines are by no means conclusive and indeed your own additions are most important.

Self Care
The care you give yourself reflects your belief of what you deserve. Do you consider yourself and your life important and valuable enough to care for yourself in the best way you know how? Do you love yourself enough to acknowledge and meet your needs in a generous fashion? Do you even know what your needs are?

Some of our needs are obvious, such as a wholesome diet, daily exercise, balancing work and life, being creative and having sufficient rest. The negative effects of an unhealthy lifestyle on depression are still underestimated and a personal coach is the ideal person to help you design a self-care regimen as a foundation for your daily life. Other needs, such as emotional needs, could be less conscious and part of the actual neglect you may experience.

Self-care begins by being aware of your needs, followed by a clear strategy to meet those needs. If you believe that you are not deserving of the best that life has to offer, you may have to start by looking at why you believe that.

Social Life
As much as there is a need for alone time, quiet reflection and solitude, there is also a need for the pleasure and support found in personal relationships. Your family members, long-time friends, the more casual contacts and meeting like-minded people in the context of study and creative work are essential in your support structure. Think for a moment of all the people who really love you. Think of those who enrich your life because of who they are. Your relationships are precious and especially so in times of distress.

In depression there is the understandable tendency to isolate yourself. There is a tendency to withdraw and to go into hiding. This is partly an intuitive action as a response to overwhelm. There is the possibility however, that this action becomes a habit and that solitude becomes isolation and isolation becomes loneliness. Especially when you live alone, it is all too easy to crawl into your safe corner. After some time though, you will have become a distant observer of life; a life filled with people who pass by and whose lives seem to work so well. That may or may not be the case (you will be surprised how many of us have mastered the art of happy pretence). What is important though is that you make the occasional effort to step over a threshold in yourself and invite someone over or attend that function. You will find that if you make that effort, it will break the monotony of the day and bring new energy into your life.

Motivation
Motivation is a deep, inner process that is not as obvious as it sounds. You might want to get better for example, because you don’t want to feel the way you feel: grey and half-dead and without hope. True motivation though, might have to include what you do want instead of what you don’t want.

Personal motivation needs at its foundation a sense of a life purpose (see: ‘What is your reason for Living’ ). A sense of your life purpose, a sense of the meaning of your life may not make depression disappear, but it will provide an empowering content to your life, so that there is more than only your condition. Personal coaching offers some means to help you discover and embrace your life purpose.

It could also be necessary to see what you might have to give up in order to get better. Do you anticipate for example, that you would no longer receive the sympathy, attention and compassion you now receive once you are well and fully functioning?

Medication
For you to enjoy temporarily the support of a drug during times of dark days, sleepless nights and lonely anxiety can bring a relief from the worst symptoms so that you can continue to function to a point and handle your daily demands. Medication can bring about a temporary lift so that you can find the energy and motivation to start implementing the aspects that are mentioned here that would improve your whole person wellness.

The enormous variety in medications on offer for treating depression however, makes it virtually impossible for you to participate in the decision of what you will swallow every day. The best you can do is to ask detailed questions about your prescription. You will want to know the claimed benefits, for how long the product has been on the market, what is the general feedback regarding its effectiveness, what are the side-effects and possible addictive risks as well as the proper procedure for stopping the medication once that time has come and related withdrawal symptoms. Please remember that drugs to not heal or cure. They are chemicals that interfere with the body’s processes and it is advisable that they be treated with the utmost caution.

Spiritual Life
Spiritual life implies a religion, which it can be, but not necessarily so. A view on what spiritual essence can be is presented in the article ‘Your life’s idea’

Real spirit is first of all an inner experience which, again, can be nourished by a religious practice, but not as a rule. It is an experience that can be cultivated when you occasionally step away from your overwhelming earthly ‘identity’, such as the roles you have taken on, the context of your day-to-day existence, your busy job, and so on. To allow for that, you wish to find a supportive environment, possibly in nature, where you can be quiet and feel relaxed. You could also create a special sacred place in your house, where you go to be still and meditate. When you are in that space, gently ask yourself: ‘What sustains me from within?’

Within you is a place where peace resides, where love radiates forth and where you can trust and know that, in spite of all your hardship and challenges, your life is not a mistake.
Within you is the place where you shine.

In conclusion
Depression is probably the condition that least of all encourages self-participation, and possibly the very condition that needs it the most. In that effort, a multi-disciplinary approach with a balance between professional help and active self-care would likely lead to lasting results. To contact Heart and Soul please refer to: www.heartandsoul.co.za or www.certifiedlifecoachonline.com