Crisis - a Matter of Needs?

Posted on June 20, 2015 by Arjan Bogaers, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

Heart and Soul Personal Life Coaching
Crisis: a Matter of Needs
The human needs are our most powerful drivers. They determine our choices and our behavior. If necessary, you will compromise on your beliefs and your values in order to meet your needs. But what if your needs have been ignored or denied? Let us examine the relationship between the occurrence of a crisis and suppressed needs.

The occurrence of a crisis in one’s life is often the result of some fundamental needs that have been ignored, neglected or denied for a long time. Needs are not ‘wants’. They are absolute necessities and suppressed needs will eventually emerge as a crisis.

MASLOW’S HIERARCHY
Probably the best known presentation of human needs originated in a 1943 paper called ‘A Theory of Human Motivation’ by Abraham Maslow, later fully expressed in his 1954 book ‘Motivation and Personality’. It has since developed the name ‘Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs’. Although he himself never used the model of a pyramid as such, his hierarchy is most often portrayed in that shape, with the largest and most fundamental levels of needs, such as physiological needs and safety, at the bottom (Deficiency needs), and the need for esteem and self-actualization ( Being needs) at the top.

THE SIX HUMAN NEEDS
An amended division (1) used in this life coaching allows for more pragmatic use. In this format, the needs are categorized in pairs with each pair positioned on a scale, indicating that needs are the result of an imbalance. Deficiency needs are here called ‘core needs’, whereas Being needs are called ‘higher needs’:

Certainty: This includes everything involved with your basic survival: feeling safe, having a measure of future resources such as food, shelter, income, clothing, etc. A lack of Certainty is experienced as an immediate threat, and you will do almost anything to meet that need.
Variety: Too much Certainty leads to predictability and boredom. This can have a stifling effect on your day-to-day life experience and result in the need for change and stimulation through Variety. Too much Variety though, causes overwhelm, in which case a measure of Certainty needs to be brought in.
Significance: You are a unique human being, and you have the need to express that uniqueness. You set yourself apart from ‘the pack’ by means of outer appearance, behavior, a business brand and utilizing your individual talents and creativity, just to name a few examples. Too much standing apart however, can cause a feeling of separation and loneliness and then the need to feel connected emerges.
Love & Connection: There is a deep need for all of us to feel that we ‘belong’. You need one or more people ‘in your corner’, who are there no matter what and who love you not for what the world has made of you but for who you are. Too much of that though, and the need for significance arises so that each person can be known for who they are individually through differentiation.
Growth and Contribution: These higher needs are born out of the human desire to feel fulfillment at the deepest level. There is a rule in nature that says that if something is not growing, it is dying. We are creative beings and we have the innate need to develop and become more. Then, once we have acquired insights, knowledge and skills, we wish to move on with that and make it available to a larger whole.

CHILDHOOD DEPRIVATION
Needs indicate what we experience as lack. The strongest needs represent what you feel is missing most, and those needs will define your behavior, your choices and your expectations.
In this, strong needs will likely represent what you experienced as most lacking in your childhood, and run as a theme throughout your life. If, for example, you experienced little or no love and connection as a small child, that depravation will express itself in a continued need for love and connection. This need then translates into a certain behavior and as an expectation as far as relationships are concerned, or with regard to a social group you join and so forth.
Now, by stepping into any relationship out of strong needs, be it a personal relationship or a professional one, puts that relationship under pressure of the related expectations. Maybe for some time the relationship can answer those needs, or so it seems, but when the pressure continues, the imbalance of the one-sidedness will become detrimental. So then a crisis could develop.
In order to understand the crisis and, eventually, to break the pattern, it can be helpful to recognize the needs that lie at the foundation of the imbalance. This could lead to a painful confrontation with childhood deprivations and you can, sometimes for the first time, really experience what you lacked in your emotional world as a young person. And yet, this may well be the very thing that is necessary to break the pattern and for you to develop emotional freedom.

CONCLUSION
A time of crisis heralds the potential for renewal. HEART AND SOUL Life Coaching will assist you in accessing the needs that are hidden behind the problems. This will offer you insights into the challenges and make it possible for you to design and implement the necessary changes and developments, establishing a new inner balance and bringing happiness and fulfillment. To contact Heart and Soul please refer to: www.heartandsoul.co.za or www.certifiedlifecoachonline