Shut up and listen

Posted on June 03, 2015 by Paul Marks , One of Thousands of Executive Coaches on Noomii.

Let me guess, you have decided to explore this article after reading the title and thought to yourself – How can an article about effective communication skills be called Shut up and Listen?

Yet, when we communicate with others, isn’t it what most of us expect? We want people to listen to us, pay attention and hear what we have to say. As individuals, we tend to forget that our need to express our self is also the direct need of those who we converse with. Whether in an intimate relationship, family discussion, business deal or a negotiation between neighboring countries, there is a fundamental need and desire to be heard, understood and respected.
Unfortunately, most of us have mastered the skill of hearing and not listening. It’s easy to test yourself. When in conversation, do you really listen to what others are saying or are you internally preparing a response to their statement? When attempting to take in information, are you judging the information through internal dialogue while the other person is speaking or is your mind free of internal noise?

Effective listening is about being fully present, fully focused with mind, body and heart. You do not formulate assumptions, draw conclusions or make instant judgments about the information that you are receiving. You do not interrupt, complete others’ sentences or speak over what they saying. You wait until the other party has completed what they wish to say, you pause and then respond. Try it!

Although this may seem a challenge, with some awareness and self-discipline the habit can be mastered. Once you become an effective listener, then the magic that will start to happen. Others will start to sense that you are genuinely interested in them and they will treat you with the same respect. People will have more time for you and be willing to listen to your point of view. You will also find that you are able to read others much more accurately.

If you want others to really respect and listen to your ideas, perspectives and points of view, you need to show that you are an active listener. To get started on mastering the skills of listening, try out the following nine strategies in your next conversation. During the conversation you should be:

1) Fully attending the conversation – looking at the speaker
2) Focusing – removing distractions
3) Clarifying understanding with questions
4) Reflecting back information received to ensure understanding
5) Acknowledging and respecting their reality – not passing judgments
6) Curious to learn more – supporting and encouraging the other person to express themselves openly
7) Empathizing – relating to their experience and trying to put yourself in their shoes (even when you might not agree)
8) Being quiet – taking it in – being receptive
9) Caring enough to listen with your heart

Learning to really listen and not just hear others is a powerful life skill that will make a big difference in your personal and professional relationships. Listening is the fastest way to get to the heart of an issue.

Does your team need to communicate more effectively? If so, maybe i can help.