What I learnt as an adult child living at home
Posted on May 22, 2015 by Manpreet Dhillon, One of Thousands of Career Coaches on Noomii.
Adult children living at home provides us many different lessons. These are my lessons on boundaries and personal space.
It was circumstance and it was cultural that I lived with my parents until my mid-30s. What a blessing it really was to be able to live with them for this long. Yes there were times that I just needed to have my own space, or wanted my own “freedom” but along the way I learned a few things.
1. We can be best friends. My parents are two of my best friends. We have great conversations, we have fun, we laugh, we cry, and we really understand each other at the core. We love each other unconditionally and want to spend time together, create memories and have adventures. Does the parent-child relationship come into play sometimes? Yes of course. It comes into play at times where we have cultural clashes and have differing perspectives on a situation because of our upbringing and the societies we grew up in.
2. Valuing boundaries and personal space. Growing up my mom found my diary which I found a violation of my privacy. After a discussion of what were each of our limits, what we wanted to share and what the protocol was for entering each other other’s bedrooms in my teenage years, the boundaries have been respected. This was such an important lesson as this lesson has played out in all my relationships of trying to understand other people’s needs.
3. I have Peter Pan Syndrome. As an adult child living at home, I never had to grow up or take real responsibility. I always did exactly what my heart desires which is what my parents always urged but there comes a Ime where budgeting, romantic relationships, investing, managing the household should have been included in my routine/life. I am fortunate that the Peter Pan Syndrome won’t leave my life as it helps me to stay youthful and keep having fun even while I add in “adult” responsibilities.
4. There is safety in staying single. Living in my parent’s home, meant it was easier to enjoy love my single life as I didn’t feel the need for a companion. I had people I could hang out with, I always had someone to talk to but my mom doesn’t like to cuddle so much:) I stayed single longer than I really would have liked to because I was comfortable. I felt safe that I didn’t have to open my heart to the emotions of a relationship.
5. I never worried about money. Money grew on trees for me. I had the philosophy what was theirs was mine. Mine was mine. Ouch, totally not fair to them. I thought I repaid them in love and my time but I came to realize I am not royalty where my presence is termed precious and cherished:) Learning the lesson that they did what did for me because they loved me unconditionally allowed me to contribute to the rest of the world unconditionally too.
What are the lessons you learned from your parents? Share your comments below!
