"What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?"
Posted on May 07, 2015 by Maggie Cunningham, One of Thousands of Career Coaches on Noomii.
It's the question all of us were asked growing up... and sends most kids into panic mode 1000. Try this simple rephrasing to get a meaningful answer.
“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
How many times were you asked that question growing up? I think it’s the standard conversation starter between a kid and a well-meaning adult who doesn’t quite know what to say. I say “well-meaning” because, more often than not, the asker is genuinely interested in knowing the answer, or at least in letting the child know they care.
It’s awesome to engage with a child about their future, but here’s the problem with the phrase “what do you want to be”….
There is an implication that there is only one “thing” that you can choose to be, and once chosen, it is finite and will define the rest of your life. Oh, and you must choose NOW (at age 9, 12, 15, etc.).
Yikes!
Imagine adding that pressure to the inherent stress of being a high-schooler. Homework, exams, social commitments, applying for colleges, etc. Remember that teens are still developing at this stage- exploring, being creative, finding their strengths, interests, and identity… So, inadvertently rushing them to decide that ONE thing they want to do for the rest of their lives can be overwhelming, confusing, and damaging to their self-confidence.
In fact, as adults, we know that interests wax and wane, and what a person wants to do as a career could change many times before finishing his/her formal education (and even into adulthood).
With that said, I suggest asking teens a different, more empowering question:
“Who do you want to be?”
Meaning: What kind of person do they want to be in this world- regardless of the work they do? This is a very different question to ask, and will get completely different results.
Encourage the child to consider what personal characteristics they want to exhibit. What values are most important to them? For example, is it important for them to be creative and express themselves artistically? Is it important for them to help others who are less fortunate? Is it important for them to set an example as a leader? Is it important for them to entertain and make people happy?
Have them ask themselves, “How can I take what’s already inside of me and express it to the world? How can I express who it is I want to be right now?”
Whether it’s being responsible, clever, inspiring, kind, helpful, or any number of things, they can find a way to infuse their unique spirit into anything they do. The more they are able to align with the person they want to be, the easier it will be to decide on a career path when the time is right.
It’s not easy figuring this stuff out. It can be scary, confusing, and incredibly frustrating for your teen. Just remind them of something I learned from one of my mentors, Marie Forleo. “Greatness doesn’t come from what you do, but who you are.”
