Listening with the intent to understand.
Posted on April 21, 2015 by Jerry Logan, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
Eyes see only light, ears hear only sound, but a Listening Heart perceives meaning.
It is no surprise that emotions can change so quickly in response to individual situations, or even upon hearing new information. Helping a loved one who is undergoing emotional turmoil can require some energy, focus, and stamina, depending on the nature of it. Having the person recount the circumstances, posing some questions or suggesting some alternative approaches through gentle dialogue may be helpful. Sometimes just attentive listening is all that is needed so the person experiences empathy, and knows a sense of relief that someone else cares, that feelings really do matter. The image that comes to mind is the roller coaster with its ups and downs, curves and twists, and varying speeds. For some, the actual ride is frightening, and so, too, when trying to understand emotions. The ride has a timed beginning and end, whereas any part of the latter may be brief, or can last for quite a long while. However it may unfold, that is an opportunity for the beloved to demonstrate patience, compassion, and support when most needed. Hasty judgment and quick verbal responses may need to be set aside for the well being of the person in a confused state of mind.
As a certified life coach, and with dear friends, I try to relate by experience, and in a way that affirms “I am truly concerned about what is happening, and will be a pillar of support in the present moment.” The healing balm for which we seek isn’t such an enigma, though it feels that way sometimes; knowing we are not alone, and that others care about our ultimate desire for inner peace likely means more than we imagine in the moment. As friends, family, co-workers, coaches, therapists, it is my opinion that we don’t always need the answers; often the right questions are enough for thought provoking reflection. Yet, as I mentioned, simply feeling heard may be enough. When we listen with the intent to understand, the words will come. When we feel heard, we are more receptive to hearing what we ourselves need to hear.
Have you ever felt that immediate sense of peace when a loved one walks into the room? There are no words needed. I have often thought of this as a “listening silence.” When words fall short, our willingness to stay in the moment sends the much needed message, " I am here, you are worthwhile, this time belongs to you.