Is Perfectionism Getting In Your Way?
Posted on March 08, 2015 by Inga Ruzgyte Colan, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
Almost all of us are perfectionists in one way or the other. And that's ok. But some of us let perfectionism get in our way far more than others.
In my personal life and throughout my engineering career I have been surrounded by perfectionists. I have perfectionist tendencies myself. Most people will agree that having high standards is a good thing. There is nothing wrong with striving for excellence, as it can show that you have a good work ethic and strength of character. High standards can also push you to reach your peak level of performance. The problem starts when these standards become so high that they are practically unachievable, or can only be met with great difficulty, causing chronic unhappiness, dissatisfaction, loss of relationships and enjoyment of life.
There is a fine line between healthy striving and destructive perfectionism- and if you have perfectionist tendencies, it’s hard to see when your perfectionism starts getting in the way of your success. Here are 6 signs that perfectionism may be holding you back:
1. You strive to impress and please others- always!
This is one of the most common traits of perfectionism. Parents, teachers, coaches and leaders encourage young children to reach for the stars and become high achievers- giving them high praises and rewards for work well done (and sometimes, enforcing punishments for failing). You then learn to value yourself only on the basis of other people’s approval and please them with nothing less than perfect. You strive to achieve and be the best example for everyone around you.
2. You hate being mediocre.You will go to great (and often unhealthy) lengths to avoid being average and will aim to be the best in everything you do, even if it’s something that you are not interested in. You may even know your drive to perfection is hurting you, but you consider it the price you pay for success. Your perfectionism turns you into a workaholic.
3. You are highly critical of others.
You hold not only your own performance to high standards you also expect the same from people around you. You have an extremely sharp eye for details- nothing passes your critical eye unnoticed. And since perfectionists will reject in others what they can’t accept in themselves, you can be hyper-critical of mistakes.
4. You are a big procrastinator.
While perfectionists have an intense drive to succeed, they have the same intense fair of failure, which ironically, causes the opposite effect- procrastination. You might put off writing a report because you are afraid that you won’t be able to complete the task “perfectly”, or you might be overwhelmed by how much work you have to put into it and end up avoiding the work.
5. You have an all-or-nothing approach.
Many perfectionists struggle with black-and-white thinking – you’re a success one moment and a failure the next, there is nothing in between. If you have perfectionist tendencies, you’ll probably only throw yourself into a new project or task if you know there’s a good chance you can succeed, and avoid it if there’s a slightest risk of failure. Studies have found perfectionists to be risk-averse, which can inhibit innovation and creativity.
6. You are defensive toward criticism.
You take every set back and criticism personally. Perfectionists are very conscious of any situation which might give others the perception they are not perfect. In an effort to preserve their self-image, and to protect themselves from failure, they will defend themselves against any threat- even when no defense is needed.
Being a perfectionist is a tiresome way to be- you may feel stressed and disappointed with yourself because you are not able to meet your standards easily or at all. You may start to believe that you are not as capable as others or that people around you do not value your believes. You may start loosing relationships or become anxious and depressed. But not all is bad news. There are steps that you can take to overcome perfectionism and get yourself back on track to a healthy striving for success.
The first step is to learn to recognize perfectionism and to realize that perfectionism is undesirable. This is a very important step as most perfectionists do not even notice their own perfectionist thinking or behavior. Pay attention to your own feelings and behavior when working on projects or tasks: do you spend a lot of time re-thinking and re-doing work at the last minute; do your standards make it difficult for you to complete the task, meet the deadline, trust others, or do something spontaneously; do you feel less efficient and not having enough time to finish your work; are you procrastinating; do you get caught up in minute details and lose the sight of the bigger picture; are you avoiding trying new things? You can use this Perfectionism test to help you find out if you have perfectionistic tendencies.
The next step is to challenge self-critical thoughts and change them into more realistic positive statements. Some of the following strategies may help:
◾Set realistic and reachable goals based on your own wants and needs, not what other people think you “should” do.
◾Set subsequent goals in a sequential manner. As you reach your goal, set your next goal one level beyond your present level of accomplishment.
◾Focus on the process of doing not just the end result. Evaluate your success at each step, including your enjoyment of the activity. Recognize that there is value in the process of pursuing a goal.
◾Experiment with your standards for success. See what happens if your task is complete at 90%, 80% or even 60% of your standard. This will help you realize that the world doesn’t end when you are not perfect.
◾Allow yourself to make some mistakes. Recognize that many positive things can be learned by making mistakes.
◾Confront the fears that may be behind your perfectionism by asking yourself, “What am I afraid of? What is the worst thing that could happen?”
◾Do something new or spontaneous. Learning and experiencing new things disrupts an all-or-nothing thought process. You may notice that you can enjoy doing things even when you don’t know all the details involved.
◾Reward yourself. It is hard work to face your fears and change old ways of doing things. So, make sure to always take the time to reward yourself for all the hard work you are doing. It is very motivating to give yourself a treat once in a while.
Remember, lowering your standards DOES NOT mean having no standards. The goal is never to make you become careless in life and perform poorly all the time. Realistic standards are standards that can actually help you do your best and achieve success without costing you other important things in life.
