10 Tips to Protect Your Marriage from the Stress of Financial Troubles
Posted on February 24, 2015 by Cristy Lopez PhD, One of Thousands of Executive Coaches on Noomii.
Money need not jeopardize your marriage: 10 tips to prevent the stress of financial troubles from negatively affecting your relationship.
“Arguments about money [are] by far the top predictor of divorce,” according to Sonya Britt, a Kansas State University researcher. “It’s not children, sex, in-laws or anything else. It’s money — for both men and women.” The study, titled “Examining the Relationship Between Financial Issues and Divorce,” used longitudinal data from the National Survey of Families and Households to examine how financial well-being, financial disagreements, and perceptions of financial inequity were associated with the likelihood of divorce.
Although financial troubles often lead to increased stress and arguments, this need not jeopardize your marriage. Below are 10 tips that may help to prevent the stress of financial troubles from negatively affecting your relationship.
1. Self-care
Make sure to practice “self-care:” get enough sleep, eat well, exercise, enjoy “me time,” take care of your health (e.g., regular doctor visits or trips to the dentist). Your physical and mental well-being greatly influences your ability to deal with stressors.
2. Understand Spouse’s Relationship with Money
Try to understand your spouse’s relationship with money. Money is very emotionally laden and often means different things to different people (e.g., security, love, evil). You don’t have to agree with your spouse, just understand. Understanding goes a long way toward being able to effectively communicate with your spouse.
3. Understand Your Relationship with Money
Understand your own relationship with money. What does money mean to you (e.g., love) and why (e.g., parents expressed love by providing material possessions). What lessons did you learn about money (e.g., hold on to money to save for when you’re older or spend and enjoy your money today because you never know if there will be a tomorrow)? What values do you hold regarding money (e.g., frugality, philanthropy)?
4. You are a Team
Make sure you realize and behave as if you and your spouse are a team (e.g., “Team Smith”), working collaboratively on the issues and against the situation, not against each other.
5. Problem Free Zone
Make sure to spend some time together in which the topic of money problems, other problems, or even household tasks that need to be done is prohibited. Just like when you were first dating, before such stressors became part of your relationship.
6. Set a Time and a Place
Designate a set time/place as well as a limited amount of time in which to (1) express your concerns without blaming each other and (2) collaboratively work on the issues. This will help to prevent you both from continually bringing up your financial problems or from “accidently” slipping in a “dig” at your partner to drive a point home (e.g., telling mutual friends that you are unable to go out to dinner with them because of your spouse’s “out of control spending”).
7. Social Support
Have others (not your children or spouse) that can provide social support. A friend can serve as a “sounding board” who allows you to be able to vent about your financial or other troubles.
8. Connect with a “Higher Power/Force”
For some, connecting with a “higher power or force” can also serve as a sounding board and source of support/comfort.
9. Be Open to Change
Don’t keep “beating yourself up” over past financial mistakes. The way we think/speak greatly influences our behavior. Instead of stating that “I have a problem with money” (present tense), say “I have made some unwise decisions around money in the past, but am working on improving in this area.” This lets your brain know that you are changing for the better vs. believing that you forever are a person who makes poor financial choices.
10. Professional Help
Accept that you may need professional help regarding your finances such as a financial planner or accountant as well as concerning your relationship with each other and/or money such as a psychologist or coach. Getting professional help can relieve the stress of feeling all alone in your struggles as well as provide you and your partner with information, education, and new skills with which to more successfully deal with financial and other stressors.
Dr. Cristy Lopez is a psychologist, coach, speaker, and former financial advisor in private practice who works with people and organizations on a variety of issues, including financial well-being. For more information visit her website at www.cristylopezphd.com
