Why Working on Couple's Communication is a Waste of Time
Posted on February 10, 2015 by Jeff Forte, One of Thousands of Executive Coaches on Noomii.
What You Do and Fail to Do Will Always Be Reflected in the Outcome of Your Relationship. Now, if you only knew what to do.
People are great at relationship destruction; they do and say things to each other that they would never do to their best friends.
Working on communication issues is an ongoing distraction and a smokescreen that keeps people from addressing the bigger core issues that exist in the relationship.
In my opinion, it’s not the communication that is the cause of conflicts; it’s the lack of connection.
People spend years in couples counseling learning how to communicate with each other. They learn how to clarify what they think they heard from their partner. The learn how to choose their words more carefully. They learn how to talk about their feelings.
While it might be helpful to a certain degree, it’s a waste of time if you want to transform your marriage quickly because it won’t solve the #1 cause of divorce which is lack of connection and intimacy.
Today college educated women initiate over 80% of divorce and it’s primarily because they have lost the deep connection with their partners.
You cannot work on communication and repair a lack of connection. You cannot restore trust and passion by talking about it. Behaviors need to change, not simply words.
I met with a couple recently who had spent 3 years in a popular communication type of counseling. They could talk to each other kindly, there were never any arguments, but here they were 3 years later feeling totally disconnected in an empty marriage. There was no passion, no intimacy, they had lost their attraction for each other, but they could talk.
It obviously wasn’t enough.
If you want to learn what really works fast to restore connection, check out my book, The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle and learn The 7 Breakthrough Strategies. Your relationship and your partner will thank you.
Think back to the beginning of your relationship when the passion was high.
How was the connection? How was the communication?
Normally there are very few communication issues when you are head over heels in love, and totally attracted to your partner. Unfortunately people do things over time that begins to erode the connection and communication conflicts increase.
If you love your partner, but are no longer in love with them, that’s not a communication issue.
That is a loss of deep connection.
And you will not get it back by working on better communication skills.
The cost of lack of connection is high, it’s; no intimacy, affairs, empty marriages, loneliness, and potentially divorce.
It makes it easy for couples to separate because they are already feeling separate.
There are things you can do right now to begin to restore the connection. It all begins with YOU.
Start today because everything else can wait.
For a complimentary conversation that gets right to the heart of the real issues in your relationship and how to resolve them, email jeff@peakresultscoaching.com
