Build Effective Communication Skills

Posted on September 29, 2010 by Julie McCahan, One of Thousands of Career Coaches on Noomii.

This is a story about two team members: Jed and Maria. Jed and Maria often fail to communicate in a fashion that brings team unity. Instead each makes accusations about the other. Let’s take a look at their unique and different communication styles.
Jed is a fast, fluent communicator; often he talks in phrases, leaving out details. Jed’s e-mails are short; the important points highlighted with bullets. He hardly ever goes into detail and certainly does not speak in a deliberate linear style. If you were to ask Jed, “What are the most important aspects when buying a new TV?” his response might sound like this:
• 42 inches
• Must be LCD
• Price point is $1,000 or under
Maria, on the other hand, speaks in great detail, often saying, “First, then, then, then….” Maria’s e-mails are detailed, often containing 4 or 5 paragraphs written in a linear fashion. When Maria tells a story or explains a situation, she starts at the beginning making sure every detail is included. When you ask Maria, “What are the most important aspects when buying a new TV?” her response might sound like this:
“First I would measure the best fit for our family room; the best size might be 37”, 42” or maybe 47”. Then I would research LCD versus Plasma in Consumer Reports and online. Then I would research the reviews of 5 or 6 manufacturers. After that I would shop online for the best price; keeping in mind my budget.”
The differences in communication style are easy to spot. What is not easy to resolve is their inability to speak with each other. When Jed reads e-mails from Maria, he often reads 3 or 4 sentences before either deleting it or responding with a few bullet points. However, when Maria reads e-mails from Jed, she often replies with at least 4 questions asking for details.
When talking in meetings, Jed stops listening after Maria’s third point. Jed thinks, “Why doesn’t she just get to the point?” When Maria listens to Jed, she comes up with more questions; she cannot comprehend how Jed can be so lax when talking about important projects. The finger pointing continues between Jed and Maria. Jed thinks Maria is boring with her wordy e-mails and taking more than 5 minutes to explain an issue that could be revealed in 2 minutes. Maria thinks Jed is not very competent; after all he never provides details while appearing to be evasive. Maria always is asking for more detail, and then Jed is annoyed. She wonders why Jed does not give her the courtesy of reading her e-mails with all the details.
What is going on? All too often this scenario plays out between managers and direct reports, between team members, with your clients or with your board of directors. Let’s take a closer look at the communication styles.
Jed is the direct communicator. Remember asking Jed what was important when buying a TV. Sure Jed did the research, measured the best size TV for the family room and even compared prices. But Jed does not think it is important to give the details – the highlights are the only thing that is important. Therefore Jed’s e-mails are short, using phrases or bullets rather in place of paragraphs. In a conversation Jed will reply with phrases.
Maria is the linear, detailed communicator. Recall how Maria replied when asked about what was important when buying a TV. Maria must tell all the details starting at the beginning of the process. Her e-mails are detailed. In a conversation Maria may point on her fingers when saying, “First, then, then and then.”
Do you recognize yourself? Do you identify more closely with Jed or with Maria? Which communication style do you tend to use more often?
What do you do when the person you are communicating with is different than yourself? If you are like Jed, the direct communicator, realize that the other person is looking for the details. Although hard at first, take a few moments to set the parameters. Anticipate what questions the other person may have and fill in the details. Refrain from “bullet point” talk whether face-to-face, on the phone or writing an e-mail. Respect their communication style to bridge the gap.
If you are more like Maria, watch for tell-tale signs of the direct communicator. In face-to-face on conversations you will see the other person disengaging. If you send an e-mail; you will hear the person asking questions because they have not entirely read your e-mail. On the phone, the individual on the other end of the phone will be impatient; maybe interrupting you to speed it up. Although it may not be easy for you; write shorter e-mails and keep your conversations to the point.
You now have the tools to recognize two distinct communication styles. You have identified your own style. Wishing you success as you bridge the gap with those who communicate differently than you.
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http://reachthesummitcoaching.com/page3.php