You Are More Than Just A Wife/Mother/Daughter - 5 Steps To Reclaim Your Life.

Posted on January 27, 2015 by Sue Lester, One of Thousands of Executive Coaches on Noomii.

Self sabotage kills your self esteem and passion for life. Self sabotage guarantees nothing changes. There are five steps to turning that self sabotage into self motivation, so you can live and look back on your life with satisfaction and pride.

1. Awareness
What you aren’t aware of, you can’t change, and self denial is a powerful weapon you use against yourself. Signs to look for include urges to clean, tidy, shop, check emails/Facebook, snack, watch TV/You Tube and cut your fingernails, all otherwise known as “procrastination”. You have great ideas but don’t start. Or you start but don’t finish projects. You talk yourself, or allow others to talk you out of doing what feels right initially. You use the words “but”, and “what if” often. When presented with the answer to your problems you say, “I’ll think about it.” Or “I have to talk to my husband”, instead of taking action. You feel a twinge of jealousy when you hear someone who did take action is thriving.

2. Clarity
Self sabotage is a form of self protection where it feels safer to stay where we are than to venture into the unknown. So clear the fog and make the unknown, known. Get clear on who you are, what you want, and what you are prepared to change to get it. After all, if nothing changes, nothing changes. Your current life can NEVER be any different until you change – your thoughts, feelings, habits, and actions. NEVER. So get clear on whether you want to spend the rest of your life as you are now, or whether you are willing to experience the discomfort of stretching and growing as you do things differently.

3. Confidence
So you are aware of your self-sabotage patterns, you are clear on what you are prepared to do, and what you want, but now all the self-doubts and fears come up. Our confidence comes from our self esteem, our underlying sense of self worth, of being ‘enough’. Observe your self-talk – how much of that is repeating old stories from the Past? Things people said to you as a child which you took onboard as a belief, and continued to repeat over the years until it became part of your identity? Look for the verbal flags, when you say “I always”, “I never”, “I couldn’t do that”, “it’s OK for her but I”.

Focus on your strengths, and all the reasons why you can, rather than your weaknesses and reasons why not. Learn from the Past, but know the Past now only exists in your mind. What do you choose to have in your Present and carry into your Future? Believe you are worthy of success, and that mistakes are simply a sign of growth, of trying new things and taking risks. Surround yourself with people who believe in you, plus mix with those who don’t know you – which is like giving yourself a fresh start, a clean slate, and a chance to meet like-minded people.

4. Motivation
With self-confidence motivation becomes easier. You need to know what you want and how to get there, plus believe you deserve to get it. ‘Away From Motivation’ can be a good kick start, but drops off once the pain reduces. E.g. “I don’t want to be fat.” Once you no longer see yourself as ‘fat’ your motivation to exercise etc drops away. ‘Towards Motivation’ goals keep you going e.g. “I want a healthy body for the rest of my life”. Focus on the benefits to yourself from getting these tasks completed. E.g. Turn “I don’t want to be poor” into “Freedom of choice”. Make your goals juicy, exciting and realistic with a stretch.

5. Reward
Acknowledge and reward your progress and your successes, as that encourages your unconscious mind to keep producing for you. It’s a form of self love, of gratitude and it increases your self esteem and self worth enormously. Rewarding measures your progress for you, and allows you to correct your course. The activity becomes pleasurable and satisfying, which means you are more likely to want to sign up for more.

And then repeat Step 1. Be firm but gentle with yourself. You, like everyone else, are on a journey of continual growth and evolution. Mistakes are simply a sign you are stepping out and up, so learn and move on. Remember, if you’d given up the first time you fell, you would never have learnt to walk, let alone run.

If you need help to make those changes faster and easier, be brave and just ask me. After all, if nothing changes, nothing changes. And life is too short not to, isn’t it?