Change Your Words, Change Your Life
Posted on December 29, 2014 by Cynthia Phelps, One of Thousands of Career Coaches on Noomii.
Making a simple change in how you speak about goals can make the process so much more fun and effective.
The beginning of a new year is great time to reflect on your life and to consider things that you want to change in your future. New Year’s resolutions are common, but so often they are more of a frustration than a positive life change.
Here is one simple change you can make in your words that will help you make the change you want in your life.
“I Should” vs “I Choose”
I Should
By now you have likely heard that using the word “should” is not the best way to motivate yourself to change. Why is this? By definition, should means: “To express obligation or duty.” In my mind, obligation conjures up images of my mother wagging her finger at me, or the shame I experienced from a teacher who was disappointed in my performance. YUCK. That’s not the way to motivate me to change. So why would I think I could motivate myself this way? I don’t like people telling me I should do things, so I made a vow to try to catch myself every time I use should on myself. But I still want to motivate myself so what words work?
I Choose
I really like choosing. I feel like I have power and autonomy when I get to choose things for myself. I strive to use the word choose in place of should.
“I Should” vs “I Choose” in Practice.
Let’s take the example of my new year resolution to brush my teeth every morning. When I tell myself I SHOULD be brushing my teeth, it’s as if the entire calendar had a check box on each day and if I missed checking of just one box, I failed. I should have done it, but I didn’t. This is one of the ways a minor slip up can become a total abandonment of a goal. I missed a day, might as well forget it, I blew my perfect record. I SHOULD have done better.
Now let’s try approaching it with “I CHOOSE.” If I say “I choose to brush my teeth in the morning.”, then each day is a blank slate, and I have the power to choose if I will brush my teeth in the morning. Everyday I brush my teeth in the morning, it’s a win! If for some reason I did not choose to brush my teeth on a certain morning it does not impact what happens tomorrow. Tomorrow I get the same chance to choose for myself.
When I use this simple language change, the whole process feels so much lighter and more fun. Research shows that when we are kind to ourselves in how we motivate our behavior, it will be more effective!
Try this simple change and let me know how it works for you.
CynthiaLynnPhelps@gmail.com
