When Romantic Relationships Fail

Posted on November 08, 2014 by Catherine Abbott, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

When you break up from romantic relationships it can be very difficult to move on. If you were the one breaking up or the broken up one each have their different challenges.

I believe a relationship ending can be just like a death and each person needs to take the time to grieve the loss. Each person has their own time line for healing however gaining knowledge of what you may be going through and getting some help can make the world of difference in your healing. There are 5 stages of grieving however when it comes to romantic relationships failing I add in a 6th stage.

6 stages when a Romantic Relationship fails

By allowing yourself to feel whatever you need to around the broken relationship is the way through. The 6 stages above are not necessarily felt in order and a person can go in and out of them several times during the course of healing your broken heart.

Lets go through each stage and define what can be happening.

During the Denial stage you may be saying thing like:

We can stay in this stage for quite some time especially if neither party is making a strong commitment to moving forward. If there are children involved this can be a difficult stage to let go of as everyone has to adjust to a new way of doing things. Often one party needs to move forward into another relationship before the other finally sees the truth that there is no turning back.

Anger is a difficult stage for a lot of people because anger is not always an easy emotion to feel. We often have old beliefs around not feeling safe around someone who is angry or I will hurt someone if I get angry; these beliefs often stop us from feeling the full range that really needs to be felt in order to let go. Because of these beliefs anger is the stage most often bypassed, however in my opinion is one of the most important.

Have you ever had a friend still totally resentful and revengeful years after a breakup? This is because they did not allow themselves to feel the anger, now they are stuck in a situation that is only hurting them. In this stage I include resentment, hating, bitterness, and revenge thoughts. All these are valuable ways to feel and express your anger. Just know that shouting at or talking bad of your ex is not expressing in an appropriate or respectful manner. You need to find a safe place to let go without harming yourself or others to truly heal, let go and move forward in your life. If you need guidance in this stage contact me.

Bargaining or manipulating is another form of trying to get the person back. This stage can often be intermixed with the denial stage. Some couples will try counseling even though one person does not want to be there and is not willing to make it work.

This stage can also be internal where a person is relieving the relationship through “rose colored” glasses – seeing the relationship as perfect, there is no one else like him/her, nothing will be ever as good again. There is nothing wrong with remembering good times, however at this stage we are often using “made up memories” to hold ourselves back from moving forward.

The depression stage is also where I place thoughts around self pity, poor me, loss of self esteem, what is wrong with me, and why me feelings. Depression can be very serious if not dealt with and medical support is often required if a person goes into a major depression. However I believe if you allow yourself to really feel and get support in expression you anger, hurt and bitterness the depression stage will be a lot easier to get through. In this stage we often have to deal with some old beliefs about ourselves. The breathwork sessions will help supporting you through this stage.

Once you allow yourself to let go of the hurt and anger when a romantic relationship fails you can reach the stage of acceptance. You will get to see that the relationship is over, you will acknowledge that there was something for you to learn from this whole experience and you will now be able to take care of yourself and start putting yourself first.

Acceptance also leads to the forgiveness stage. I believe to truly move forward in a healthy way one must forgive themselves and the other person. Forgiveness in not about being wrong or right, it is about allowing yourself to heal something that did not work. Forgiveness opens the doors to a happier and more truthful experience with yourself and others in your life.

Like I stated earlier when romantic relationships fail one can go in and out of all 6 stages many times. You may feel like it is all done with and another wave of anger or self pity takes over. Give yourself the time and be gentle with yourself through the process. Believe me when I say it does get better.