The Secret Formula Of Attraction

Posted on October 11, 2014 by Valarie O'Ryan, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

Wouldn’t it be great if there was a “formula” you could use to instantly magnetize a man to you? Something you could memorize & use on first dates or third dates or 75th dates? Kind of like a math formula only way easier?

Well, (drum roll), there IS!

I call it “Man Magic” because it really does work kind of like magic.

It’s putting together several things that I know work. They’re the things I got really great at doing when I was single & “looking” & I actually slipped on them a little after I found my prince.

I had to remind myself, when I was feeling un-vixen like, to practice these tools again. The good news is they always work, even if you stop doing them for awhile. Like riding a bike – it all clicks into place again!

Ok, so what is this “Man Magic” of which I speak? I’ve laid it out in 4 easy steps for you:

Valarie’s Man Magic:

1. Good Vibrations! There’s a reason The Beach Boys and Marky Mark sang about them. When you put them out there they come back to you. And men pick up on them. Whatever your “vibe” is saying men will hear. So you need to make sure it’s saying something good!

I can remember going on dates & looking smoking hot, but I was feeling insecure, unsure, or I was convinced the date would not go well. Even though I tried to look & sound natural & breezy, it just didn’t come off. I was being inauthentic.

So how do you not try to be natural & authentic and just be it?

It’s really as simple as knowing who you are & what you’re looking for. I’ve talked about defining your fairytale & this is where you’ll really see it make a difference.

A woman who knows herself & exactly what she wants is instantly authentic & natural. She never has to pretend anything. She knows she’ll recognize “it” when it shows up so she never has to worry about it or force it.

She looks at every date as fun & nothing more. A woman who is sure of herself will never place too much importance on a date or even several dates, so she can just have fun. Do this & it will lighten & brighten your vibe!

It will draw a man to you like a bee to honey! You can even remind yourself before you walk out the door to meet your man, “I’m honey. I’m sweet & light & men are drawn to me.”

2. Let Your Heart Do The Talking! By now, you’ve probably heard me talk about feeling messages. They helped me tremendously – not because of the response I got from men, but because of how they helped me really get to know me.

I used to be so afraid of my emotions. That might be something you can relate to. I think a lot of women do.

It was when I started expressing (even if only to myself) what I was feeling that everything shifted for me.

Start out small, by talking about how the weather makes you feel, “This rain feels so refreshing today.” Or “I love the feel of the sun on my face.”

So when you’re out with a man, you’ll respond to him like this:

Him: It’s so nice to meet you! (or see you again, etc).
You: It feels so good to see you too!
Him: How did your day go?
You: I felt a little anxious this morning with a big project, but the day got easier & I felt good going out at lunchtime.
Him: Oh, where did you go?
You: There’s a new store around the corner. I’ve been feeling excited to check it out!

Can you feel how much more interesting this is then just answering with automatic, from your head words (“you too” Pretty good" "how about you?’)?

At the beginning of dating someone, I suggest keeping things as light & upbeat as possible. Express the good things that happened in your day at about a 5 to 1 ratio to the bad, even higher is better.

As you get good at expressing yourself this way, you can use feeling messages in your relationship to become closer to your man.

I want to go a little deeper into feeling messages because I get a lot of questions regarding them. When I first started using them I got a little confused & tripped myself up sometimes. Maybe you’ve had a similar experience.

Is it really a thought wrapped up like a feeling? It can be easy, when we’re feeling sad or lonely or disconnected or angry, to state a thought that sounds kind of like a feeling, “I feel like you never make time for me anymore.”

Do see how that’s actually a thought? A true feeling message is all about you, with no blame or expectation attached to it, “I feel a little lonely lately.”

It’s almost like you’re saying it to yourself, but in a man’s presence. He is much more likely to really hear you and want to fix it!

You can learn all about feeling messages & creating attraction here.

3. Challenge Him! A man wants to work to get you! Don’t hand yourself to him on a platter.

I was that girl who always tried to make things easy for a man. I believed if I made myself available on his schedule, drove to him, initiated contact, he would see me as a “catch.”

That’s actually very far from the truth. What makes a woman a catch is viewing herself as worthy of being sought after. A man will pick up, very quickly, whether or not you see yourself as the prize or him as the prize.

Making him the prize will flip his attraction switch into the “off” position.

There are many things you can do to start viewing yourself as the prize. One of my favorites is “adoring yourself daily.” This is where you compliment yourself every chance you get! Wink at your reflection, congratulate yourself for something, laugh when you do something silly (instead of feeling stupid or embarrassed), flirt with yourself.

This is infusing into your very soul how incredibly amazing you are!

When you feel amazing & worthy, you will automatically reject behavior that doesn’t feel good (from yourself or anyone else). Your boundaries just kind of click into place. You don’t have to think about them or broadcast them.

AND you won’t even think about making things easy for a man. You’ll know you deserve to be pursued. You’ll know you have options (gobs of them). You’ll make a man prove he’s a “catch.”

4. Don’t Hide Your Happy! One of the easiest & most powerful tools of attraction is appreciation.

A man wants to know he can make you happy. He needs to know it. If he starts to feel you’re never happy, he’ll give up. He’ll feel frustrated & unsuccessful as a man.

Showing gratitude is like waving a magic wand!

When I started showing appreciation for everything my boyfriend (now my husband) did for me, he started doing even more. A man is drawn to a woman he can make happy. He feels like more of a man.

He takes pride in taking care of you! If you’re sad or complaining all the time, he’ll feel like a failure. But don’t despair if you haven’t been very grateful lately, you can turn it all around really quickly. All you have to do is start showing your happiness every single time you feel it – gush!

“I feel so happy you picked me up for dinner tonight. I feel like a princess!”

“It feels so nice not to have to worry about taking out the trash. Thanks honey.”

“I always feel like such a lady when you open the door for me.”

Or just melt into his open arms, his kiss, respond warmly when he contacts you.

Watch his immediate reaction when you do this & don’t be surprised if he starts doing even more! I call this “pulling the prince out” of him. He wants to make you happy & when you show him he’s on the right track, he’ll go all knight-in-shining-armor on you!

Love, ~Valarie