Stop Chasing, Get Your Self-Esteem Back, And Watch Him Chase YOU!
Posted on October 11, 2014 by Valarie O'Ryan, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
You can feel incredibly confident & secure with ANY man. You can have him chasing you! And the best part is, your self-esteem will sky-rocket.
I get asked a lot about why it’s not good to lean forward with a man. And I get why it might seem pretty harmless. In fact, sometimes it is. There are women out there who can call a man first or text him, even ask him out, & it works out!
The key is where you’re coming from when you do it.
If you’re coming from a place of goddess-y energy, where you just don’t really care what his response is, you can do it. I did this sometimes when I was out there dating. And it was fine. The guy was usually thrilled that I reached out!
And, I knew he would be! That’s why it was so easy for me to initiate.
However, and here’s the key, the reason I just didn’t care that much is because I wasn’t that interested in him. It really didn’t matter to me if we dated or not.
I also experimented with reaching out to men who I was unsure about. I really liked them, but wasn’t sure how they felt about me. I thought, like I know a lot of women do, that if I just gave him a little nudge, a little encouragement, he would step up.
I wanted to make something happen!
So I initiated. But I was coming from a place of “attachment to the outcome” – it really mattered to me if he responded in a good way & asked me out or somehow moved the relationship forward.
This put out a vibe of desperation, which is never attractive.
More importantly, if you get used to always pursuing, always being the one to initiate, it will start to chip away at your self-esteem. It’s very subtle so you don’t even know it’s happening.
I’ve seen this in women who started out having the man in hot pursuit. Then somehow, somewhere along the way, she started being the one to call first, text first, suggest plans. And it just became habit.
And it seems harmless enough, but what’s going on is she’s starting to see him as the prize. And she should always view herself as the prize. And then he will too!
So, the really good news is, you can turn this around quickly!
Even if you’ve been in chasing energy for awhile you can get into Goddess mode instantly. And he’ll soon be chasing after you!
1. STOP All Initiating. This means don’t call, text, email, or message him first. EVEN if you’re in a relationship where you’ve been doing this for awile. And it’s going to feel scary & uncomfortable at first because it’s not what you’re used to, but it’s the only way to get the “chasey” feeling out of your vibe.
2. Notice Your Self-talk. A lot of times we’re telling ourselves stories that aren’t true (I’m not good enough, pretty enough). And that voice can be really quiet. It’s like we’re so used to hearing it that we don’t hear it, the words are just there. And that’s why it has so much control – we don’t even notice it & the words become engrained in us. So listen for it & when you hear anything negative at all, squash it. You can say, “I see what’s going on here. No thank you.” Just because the salesman shows up at your door doesn’t mean you have to buy what he’s selling!
3. Create A New Story. The old story of not being good enough is not true. It’s just something we’ve learned – maybe as far back as childhood or as recently as becoming the chaser. So every single day start telling yourself how amazing you are! I want you to compliment yourself. Tell yourself you have a beautiful smile, congratulate yourself for getting that chore done. Rewrite that old story into something you want to hear & to tell!
4. Always Remember You’re The Prize! You really are. Any man worth his salt is going to trip over himself to get to you, so tell yourself this…constantly. Whenever you get the urge to pick up the phone or send an email (in order to make something happen), say, “I’m the prize. The prize doesn’t pursue. The prize is sought after! And I, (insert your name here), am the prize!”
Your self-esteem will come back higher & stronger than ever if you get used to doing these things. It’s like a pie shell that you’re filling with good stuff until it’s overflowing. How yummy is that?
Love, ~Valarie
