Are You a Dating Market Millionaire?

Posted on September 01, 2014 by Jalaal Aleem Madyun, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

When I talk to people who are dating, I ask what type of characteristics they are looking for in a partner and the list is usually fairly long. Then, I ask exactly what they have to offer in return and most of the time they have put less thought into that question.

What you need to realize is that dating is an EXCHANGE and your success depends as much on what you have to offer as it does on what you plan to receive.

You need to consider both equally because it will help you form your dating strategy.

From this point forward, I want you to start thinking of yourself as a value package. You represent a group of skills, qualities, connections and attributes that can add value to someone’s life.

Different sets of eyes will look at you and see different variations.

As you advance and add to your value package, your options open up and you start dating more people who are interested in exchanging value with you.

I want you to stop reading at this exact moment and write down what you have to offer as a dating prospect. Trust me, this is an important exercise. One of the most powerful experiences is evaluating yourself and conducting the same evaluation later to discover that you have grown tremendously.

Think about what your best qualities are. What do you possess that makes you desirable? Give yourself about 5 minutes to write as much as you can. That should be more than enough time.

Once time is up, count how many items are on your list. Keep that number in front of you.

You’ll get 10 times more value out of this information if you do the exercise before reading any further. Go ahead and start….

Now, I am going to provide you with information that will help you add to the list you wrote. To help you identify what you have to offer, I created a measurement called your DATING MARKET NET WORTH.

It helps you assess:
• Your Assets – your best qualities on the market
• Your Liabilities – qualities you are lacking
For simplicity, anything that is not an asset can be viewed as a liability since it is something that can be desired, but that you do not currently possess.
I have several coaching tools that I use to measure your dating market net worth, but for now, we are just going to focus on building a list from your own memory.

I call this a fire drill. It means that you are listing as much as you can as quickly as you can, without much time for preparation.

I’ve read many books, articles, blogs, and even conducted some independent research on what makes a person attractive. To assign one word to a person’s ranking, I use the word status (as many others use). Your Dating Market Net Worth is broken into 6 categories that determine your overall status among the competition on the dating market. I’ll bet that the majority of what you listed falls into one of these categories:
• Physical Attractiveness – the appeal of your physical attributes
o Looks
o Height
o Build
o Style
• Power – your ability to make things happen in groups of people
o Affiliations
o Popularity
o Leadership positions
o Social network
• Finances – your ability to provide monetary resources and security
o Steady cash flow
o Credit standing
o Property owned
• Character – your moral foundation
o Honesty
o Respect
o Willingness to be faithful
o Spiritual foundation
• Personality – your ability to make impressions with your collection of traits
o Sense of humor
o Outgoing
o Confidence
• Expertise – your practical knowledge and skills
o Throwing down in the kitchen
o Athletic abilities
o Artistic talents
o Special degrees and certificates
Think about which one of these is your strongest area. What do people appreciate most about you? On the other hand, in which area do you have the most room for improvement?

One important point I would like to make is that you need to be conscious of both your perception of yourself and how others perceive you.

Sometimes there will be a difference between the two. I’m not saying that you should always make adjustments to accommodate others, but it is a valuable skill to observe what others appreciate about you and bring those assets to the forefront.

Because people are so diverse, your assets may be desired by different people under different circumstances.

Make it a point to learn to adapt.

Now that I have introduced my measurement for determining status, let’s pick up on the exercise we started with.

You can reference the list you had before if you would like to, but I want you to list what you have to offer again, this time separating them by category. Give yourself 5 minutes again.

When you’re finished writing, count up your list. Do you have more items listed the second time? My experience is that people are able list more items after learning the 6 categories of status.

See how quickly your perception of what you have to offer can increase? It’s amazing what awareness and reframing your thoughts can do.

Keep these in the back of your mind. Continually work towards adding more assets to your repertoire. Once you have an accurate assessment of your value, you can start learning how to use your assets to get exactly what you’re worth.

Jalaal Aleem Madyun is a certified Life Coach, Dating Coach and Relationship Coach. He is the founder of JAM Life Coaching. Visit JAMLifeCoaching.com for more insightful resources and coaching programs to help you on your journey to perfecting your value.