6 Reasons You Shouldn't Tell a Guy You're Not "That Type of Girl"
Posted on September 02, 2014 by Jalaal Aleem Madyun, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
Many women believe this phrase effectively communicates their values and reflects positively on their image. That is not true and here's why...
1. Men don’t believe you anyway.
No man has ever been convinced by that statement. It is a waste of breath. Show them through your actions, skip the words.
2. It’s taken as a direct challenge to prove you wrong.
Men hear that statement as “work harder to prove that I am that type of girl.” Especially if a man is skilled with women, you could wind up being wooed just for the satisfaction that he successfully maneuvered you away from your stance. Presumably, you don’t have an interest in becoming a conquest.
3. Since you said that, if you ever do anything HE thinks that type of girl shouldn’t do, you’ve lost his respect.
Unfortunately, you can’t choose how he interprets your actions. Respect is lost because he feels like you were being intentionally deceptive when you made that statement, making it harder to trust what you say in the future. On the other hand, men tend to judge your actions with less condemnation when they think your perception of yourself is accurate.
4. It’s taken as a game, like you are TRYING to prove a point.
This is especially true if it happens during heavy foreplay. Men often feel insulted by this. If you aren’t ready, then the two of you shouldn’t be in the bed together. Prove your point by stopping everything before it even starts. Go home alone after a good night kiss. He might not like that, but he will respect the fact that you have standards. You’ll also find out which men think your company is enjoyable despite the absence of sex if you avoid situations where he can make sexual advances.
5. It’s interpreted in absolute terms, meaning you either never have or always do act a certain way.
He knows there are instances where that’s not true. Again, it is interpreted by his standards. He’ll be looking for clues that you have at least one experience on your resume. If he finds clues, your honesty is questioned and that questioning extends to other women as well. Leave room to be human in your responses. He already knows you are one.
6. It perpetuates the belief that women should be sexuality restrained.
It is better if you say you’re comfortable with your sexuality, but just not comfortable going there with him right now. If you make it sound like you’re protecting your image and it would be WRONG for you to accept his advances, you contribute to the problem that created this dilemma. Women are sexual beings and should have the right to express their sexuality freely. The status quo won’t change if women keep endorsing it.
Jalaal Aleem Madyun is a certified Life Coach, Dating Coach and Relationship Coach. He is the founder of JAM Life Coaching. Visit JAMLifeCoaching.com for more insightful resources and coaching programs to help you on your journey to perfecting your value.
