HOW TO BRING THE SPARK BACK INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Posted on August 30, 2014 by Coach Rori, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

How To Bring The Spark Back Into Your Relationship

Intimacy and sex are often mistaken as being one and the same but, even though the two are closely linked, they really are quite different.
Men and women often view intimacy completely differently which can result in a vicious cycle that many couples struggle to work through. Many men have problems feeling intimate unless they have a satisfying sex life, or if he has money issues, while many women don’t enjoy sex without the intimacy.

As women, we need to feel respected and appreciated all through the day, not just when we’re in the bedroom.
In a healthy relationship, intimacy is what deeply connects us to our loved ones on an emotional level, and it is built over time with honest communication and trust.
At the start of a relationship, the passion is explosive because the brain releases chemicals such as serotonin, dopamine and adrenaline, which cause feelings of excitement and butterflies. Over time, the effect of these chemicals can fade and that’s when we need to work on building and maintaining the intimacy levels.
Sex is great on a physical level and it’s based on lust, but without an emotional connection, it’s just sex. When you have a deep level of intimacy with your mate, and the physical and emotional aspects combine, that’s when the magic really happens.

Let’s face it, life gets busy and hectic it’ll leave you feeling exhausted and sex can start to feel like more of an obligation to our mate which can be quite damaging to a relationship. By denying ourselves of intimacy and not nurturing those connections, we are unknowingly self-sabotaging our relationship.
Touch is more important to human beings than many people realize it.

It doesn’t matter how excited you are about your partner if you can’t stay on the same wavelength and keep a connection over time. Finding the right person is really less than half of what it takes to stay connected with someone. Working with couples the past years it has become clear to me that being in love, or even just loving someone, isn’t enough to keep the relationship going.
To maintain that magical feeling of love and special-ness in a relationship we have to be willing to take 150% ownership of the quality of the connection in our relationships. There are certain things we have to be willing to do and to continue doing if it’s our intention to stay in love and in connection with our chosen mate.
The exciting thing is that it doesn’t matter if your relationship is only six months old or if it’s 20 years old, these things will work to deepen your connection. And you don’t have to wait for the other person to do them, it’s not about what the other person does or doesn’t do. It’s about you deciding that you want to maintain that connection, and being willing to take that 150% ownership. But, yes it takes two to maintain a healthy relationship and once you start taking ownership then your mate will soon to follow. So here we go:

1) LOVE IS A ACTION:
Show your mate how you feel about them every day, at least once a day. Do this even if you are in different states. Show them you care, don’t just speak it because saying “I love you” doesn’t deepen a connection unless it’s done by actions. Leave her love notes or love text messages through out the day. Wake your man up in the morning with some oral attention just for him. Give each other hugs through out the day just to let each other know you appreciate and love them. Actions say way more than just words.

2) BEDTIME SHARING:
If you live together, go to bed at the same time, together, every night. That means turning off the tv. This is your time together. Cuddle and talk, make love if the urge strikes, but that is not the point. The point is to talk about your day, your worries, and your hopes. Discover that all the time you have spent together, you still don’t know each other. If you don’t live together, talk on the phone after you climb into bed.

3) DON’T LET THINGS GO:
When your mate says or does something you don’t agree with or upsets you, tell them. Don’t just let it go. This doesn’t mean making a super big deal out of something, because you have to pick and choose your battles, but be sure to give things that really upset you the energy that it deserves. Pretending that something doesn’t matter won’t make it go away. You may think it’s not important but over time these things add up and cause resentments and distance. You may not always have time to process the conflict at that moment, but at least let your partner know that you are having a problem and that you will need to discuss it later. And they have to respect that. When you go to bed together that night, discuss it, if you haven’t already and always try to stay clam, you never want to loose your temper because then you don’t have control over the situation and never go to bed upset at each other, you want to wake up and be refreshed and leave it in the past….yesterday is the past! Thank you for reading. Please feel free to leave a comment…. Be Bless! Coach Rori