Is Drama Your Default Relationship Pattern?
Posted on July 30, 2014 by Ali Palisca, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
Find out how much drama rules your relationship and begin the steps to start fresh.
Are you spending most of your time swimming in a fishbowl of drama?
“He did this to me…”
“She is such a hypocrite!”
“Don’t worry, I’ll fix it for you!”
Sound familiar? Everyone gets seduced into seeing life through the drama lens. It’s a part of being human. But drama isn’t imperative; it’s just a common choice.
Drama does have a payoff… or we wouldn’t do it!
Drama is an addictive default reaction to the circumstances of daily life. It’s seductive! Drama reliably gets you attention, an adrenaline rush, sympathy, a false sense of accomplishment, allies and enemies. Drama’s enticing draw and dependable relief of responsibility is alluring. When you are in drama, you get to blame others, feel sorry for yourself, temporarily make things better, and gossip about all of it! Drama is a perfectly common place to live and if you like it, you will continue to find many who enjoy partaking in your roller coaster escapades.
So, what is the cost of drama?
It’s exhausting! When you are in drama, there is no possibility for creativity. You probably feel discouraged, down, and aggravated, with an overarching listless attitude, perhaps because no lasting changes will ever result from your drama perspective.
How do you know if you are stuck in drama?
If you are holding your breath or your body is contracted, and you are blaming, feeling at the effect of your circumstances, or trying to temporarily remedy the problems you see, you are in drama.
If you are breathing, aware of your body sensations, feelings, and thoughts, experiencing life as easeful and flowing, and taking responsibility for creating what you most want, then you are not in drama; you are in presence.
Break it down, what is drama exactly?
The drama triangle is a tool for bringing awareness to the classic roles that govern drama. It describes a state of consciousness that consists of limited thinking based on victim-hood, which is why it is also called the victim triangle. The drama triangle consists of three roles: the Villain, the Victim, and the Hero.
Villain
If you are in the position of Villain, you keep your attention on the problem and believe that something or someone (including self) is to blame. You believe that you are right about who or what is to blame and you look for evidence to prove that your story is correct.
“I can’t believe she didn’t keep her agreement! She is so selfish!”
“He just doesn’t get it.”
“I’m such an idiot! I shouldn’t have left so late!”Victim
If you are in the position of Victim, you believe that you are helpless and your problems happen to you. You feel special as you wait for someone to save you.
“After working all day, this is what I have to come home to?”
“She doesn’t value me.”
“I work so hard and nothing seems to be working out.”
Hero
If you are in the position of Hero, you do everything that you can to temporarily fix the problem with an expectation that you or another will feel better and avoid feelings of discomfort. You want attention and recognition for all that you’re doing to “help.”
“I’m sure he has a good reason.”
“Was I not clear with her?”
“I’ll just take care of it.”
Self-awareness is the first step towards using your energy for creativity instead of drama. As soon as you become aware of when you are on the triangle and which position you are in, you open yourself to new experiences, and fresh possibilities will begin to emerge.
What role have you taken recently? Do you recognize yourself stepping into one of the positions regularly? Are you stuck there? Are new possibilities opening up? Comment below.
For more on the drama triangle, check out: The Three Faces of Victim
